Live
February 20, 2014 posted by Lindsay Ferrier

The Last One

The Last One

On the day that your last child is born, you’ll find yourself filled with a jumble of emotions.

You’ll feel relief to have finally given birth, pride and joy in the healthy baby in your arms– and sorrow at the realization that you’ll never again experience the primeval miracle of growing a baby inside your body.

From that day onward, this strange brew of feelings will remain inside you– because every single one of your youngest child’s firsts will also be your lasts.

When he outgrows his sleepers, you’ll no longer save them for the next baby. When he abandons his toys, you’ll give most of them away. You’ll be glad to have some extra space in the closet, but you’ll have also have a moment at the grocery when you realize you have no reason to be standing in front of the new teething toys on aisle 14– Your last one is done with those. And therefore, so are you.

 

Bruiser

One day, you’ll get rid of all the bottles in the cabinet, and that will feel strange since baby bottles have lined the bottom shelf for forever. You’ll do the same a year later with the the rubber-tipped baby spoons, and then the sippy cups, and the bunny-stamped plates and bowls. All these little things you had come to take for granted will suddenly, shockingly, no longer be needed. And removing them will make your heart break just a tiny bit.

You won’t realize you’ve changed your final diaper until the day that you clean out the last one’s pajama drawer, find a stash of overnight pull-up pants, and realize he hasn’t needed one in at least six months. You’ll celebrate the end of a very smelly era with a glass of wine after the kids go to bed. Diaper changing totally sucked.

You’ll put off cleaning out the coat closet because there’s a little toy vacuum somewhere inside that your children once used each time you vacuumed the house. The last one will have outgrown it years ago, but somehow that toy will have become symbolic of the toddler years, and you won’t be able to bear the thought of getting rid of it And so the coat closet will get messier and more disorganized and when your husband says something about it, you’ll just shrug.

You won’t take the last one to as many Mommy and Me classes because you’ll know by that time that he won’t remember them anyway. You won’t try to teach him to read at the age of three because you’ll have learned the hard way that if you just wait a year, he’ll catch on far more quickly. You won’t do a lot of the things with the last one that you did with your firstborn, because you’ve been through it all before and frankly, most of it was completely unnecessary. It won’t matter- He’ll have the innate desire of all lastborns to keep up with his older siblings, and you’ll be amazed at what he manages to pick up on his own.

Bruiser
What the last one will get from you is plenty of cuddles and hugs and kisses- as many as you can give him before he wriggles out of your arms. At some point, the last one will be the only child in the house who still likes to sit in your lap, and sneak into your bed at night, and play hug-o-war, and have snuggle parties– and you’ll know from experience that soon, this will all end.

“Don’t grow up,” you’ll whisper teasingly in his ear. “Stay six forever.” “I have to grow up, Mommy,” he’ll chuckle. “I can’t stop this growing!” Knowing this, you will smush your cheek up against his and inhale the faint baby scent that remains in his curly hair. You will sing to him at bedtime and tell him you love him so so so very much, and as you do these things, you’ll hear a wistful voice in your head reminding you that he’s the last one, the very last one, and there won’t be another.

Bruiser Running
When you picture the last one in your mind, he’ll always be running ahead of you and you’ll be trying your best to keep up, your heart bursting with mingled joy and despair. With each day that passes, the ribbon of childhood will feel like it’s unwinding too quickly before you and you’ll feel powerless to stop it, and as your youngest child abandons picture books for ones with chapters and leaves home for his first sleepover and demands that the training wheels be removed from his bicycle, you will be struck hard, repeatedly, by the fact that this most amazing time in your life is slipping away from you,

bit

by bit

by bit.

Bruiser

 

Did you like this post? Follow me on Facebook and Twitter!

I’ll bet I can make you laugh, too! Check out my latest post: What to Expect When Your Kid Gets REJECTED.

Comments

comments

  • Margaret

    Yup, totally experienced all of that with my little boy–that is now 3. However, much to our surprise, we just found out we were pregnant again, so…… πŸ™‚

    • suburbanturmoil

      Congratulations! πŸ™‚

    • Amber

      Congratulations! May your family be blessed with health and happiness for years and years to come!

  • Kathy M. Newman

    Waaaahhhhh…this is so true. One of the many reasons I can’t quite accept that my Bruiser-aged bebe is my last one. But she’s my last one. Sniff. Cough. Sniff.

    • Linda McCarty

      I’m currently pregnant with my last, and as I write am sobbing, this article is one of the more touching and heartfelt I have read in a long while. Thank you, and God bless

  • Amanda F.

    OMG, tears! We haven’t decided quite yet if we’re done but this still makes me so sad knowing that I’ll experience it eventually!

  • Laura Cooper

    My oh my thanks for the good cry.

  • Angie

    my youngest will be five this summer. i’ve been feeling this same way for a few days now-remembering not only his baby and toddler years, but those of my three oldest. when you know for sure that you are done having babies, it really makes you want to hold on extra tight to all those memories!

  • Nashvillegirl

    You will find as your kids grow, there are many, “last times”….. Leaving elementary school, leaving middle school, leaving high school, finishing college, and moving all the way to DENVER for a coveted job opportunity!!!! AArrggh………… Whew, sorry about that… ~smile~

    • suburbanturmoil

      Understood. Being a stepmom has come in handy in that I have learned just how quickly time passes. That’s probably why I’m so sentimental this time around!

    • Shailiekat

      Glad to have you in the wonderful city of Denver. Sometimes we forget time is passing each and every day. We get so caught up in day to day dilemmas that we forget to step back and see those precious little hands and feet keep growing whether we see it or not.

    • Sharondelaine

      All though precious lasts…About middle school age, my daughter would say “Momma, please don’t cry tonight”. Of course, I did…at 8th grade recognition for the dance team, at 8th grade graduation, going into high school, graduating high school, driver’s license, prom, senior recognition for dance team, going to college, graduating college, getting married and moving from Ky to Tampa, Fl and many points between! I still cry when she leaves to go back to Tampa. She still says “Momma, don’t cry”. I just smile and tell her that her day is coming!

  • Ann Marie

    I’m only on my first and I can’t stop crying lol beautiful article.

    • Daniela

      “only” on your first? be feeling pretty blessed you have ONE to speak of

      • someone

        wow, chill out. maybe she meant only as “so far, i plan on having many, many more beautiful awesome children” and not as something she is taking for granted. way to make a wonderful senitment about a wonderful article get snarky and rude.

      • Jadevikkis Sellingpage

        you are a strange one why are you picking on peoples comments ? weird

      • Ann Marie

        I do feel blessed. More than anyone could imagine. By only on my first I simply meant I am not intending for him to be my last and I already feel all the above emotions.

        Try not to judge you have no idea what I went through in order to have him.

  • cheesehead4ever

    My youngest is nine and fortunately still loves to cuddle. in fact I crawled onto her bed with her last night and we snuggled for a while. Sometimes when I kiss her super soft cheek while she is sleeping, she still has that baby smell. I am keeping her my baby as long as possible!

  • cassunc

    Oh, this post gave me tears. Lovely writing.

  • Kat

    Oh but wait, there will come a day when your child places his chils in your arms and all those feelings come rushing back. You will feel like you are holding your baby all over again.

    • Rikki

      What’s a chils?

      • Pris

        obviously a typo for child. really??

        • court1234

          Umm I wasn’t sure what it was either. Sorry we can’t all be perfect like you.

          • ijustgottasay

            Context clues…

        • Name

          a day when your child places his chils in your arms – it makes no sense to replace child with “chils”

          • Richard J. Harrington

            I believe that was a typo! Come on people you are smart enough to recognize a typo???

          • Name

            a typo i agree, but i can’t figure out what word it is suppose to be. What word do you say belongs in place of “chils”?

          • jazzy

            Are you all that dense? ??

          • duh

            When YOUR child places HIS child in your arms. It’s all about the inflection.

          • Bell

            Child!!!!!!!!

          • Name

            “grandchild”

          • Name

            insert the word “grandchild” and it will make then makes sense.

            It stumped me at first too.

          • The Amazing Auntie

            Not ‘grandchild’- it’s ‘child’. ‘When your child places his grandchild in your arms….’- that makes sense to you? Replace ‘your’ with ‘my’ and maybe you’d REALLY understand what Kat meant.

          • Name

            i get it now…chils = child = grandchild. Boy i had a mental block on this.

          • Steph

            “When your child places his child in your arms,” makes perfect sense. Your child’s child is your grandchild. If you are going to try to be a smartass, at least get the smart part right.

          • Name

            where is anyone trying to be a smartass? At this point the smartass is you, since you feel the need to further explain something that was already explained. Oh but wait, I get it. You are one of those people who instead of reading all the comments, needs to appear as being intelligent and post something that was already stated or corrected in a previous post or by another poster.

          • jazzy

            I had to make sure you were referring to your granddaughter and not grandson because you sound exactly like my father hahaha. He is so in love with all of his grandkids. Its so special. I only had one baby and thats all I can have so I really really hope he wants and has kids someday. Thanks for sharing papa πŸ™‚ it was a sweet response.

          • Richard J. Harrington

            Your father must be a very special man! I am extremely blessed to have the family that I have simply because the way I grew up, I was fortunate enough that I didn’t land in jail!
            I turned my life around at 33 years of age. I have been blessed every day since!

          • laura ann

            I was wondering what “chils” was too lol

          • Macka

            God dammit you Americans are as dumb as fuck. I mean, seriously.

          • Sue Long

            Not all of us. Please don’t judge an entire country on a few people. And talk about being dumb, smart people can find more creative ways to make a comment without cursing.

          • bobbi

            Richard, It really is hard to believe that people have evolved to read OMG BFF LOL,etc and can’t get past a typo without making an issue of it. I had a teacher in fourth grade who wrote on the blackboard.” Better to just sit there keeping your mouth closed and looking stupid than to open your mouth and PROVE it,

          • Name

            sorry, but my lack of understanding had NOTHING to do with the world being misspelled. I just didn’t understand that she meant her grandchild. Once i did, it made perfect sense.

          • mydreamretrievers

            Come on folks. The s is directly beside the d. This is not that hard to understand.

          • Chil out

            I did not think this nice blog post would be getting trolled! It gives me the chils!

          • mydreamretrievers

            How was my comment an example of trolling? I clarified something that was mentioned numerous times.

          • Leslie Nicholson Klatt

            For some people lacking common sense it is hard to understand! How they manage to get thru life without it , I don’t know!

          • Sue Long

            Be careful Leslie – people might not realize you mean through! πŸ™‚

          • JanetMarie Dixon Laughlin

            Doesn’t make sense to replace with child? Really? My sonjust had a son…my son placed his son in my hands!

          • Name

            you don’t bother read all the posts / comments before issuing your comments do you? If you had, you would of seen that it had been corrected and understood.

          • The Amazing Auntie

            It has been understood, but you definitely didn’t correct it. You insist that ‘grandchild’ belongs somewhere in that sentence, and it doesn’t. All Kat did was type ‘s’ instead of ‘d’

          • guest

            “Name” What people are trying to say is that IF the sentence read:
            “Oh but wait, there will come a day when your child places his grandchild in your arms and all those feelings come rushing back.”
            {Which is what you told informed several people to do}
            That would mean that Kat would now be holding her GREAT-grandchild. But, Kat was not holding her GREAT-grandchild, she was holding her grandchild. The sentence should read, “Oh but wait, there will come a day when your child places his CHILD in your arms and all those feelings come rushing back.” (capitalization is for emphasis only, not to be literally taken) So what you are telling people to do is wrong.

          • Debbie Kelton

            As s and d are next to each other on the keyboard it makes perfect sense why you would make an error like chils instead of child…gawd folk can be bitchy!! And clearly not too clever as I knew straight away what it was supposed to read…and does it really matter ?!!!

          • Name

            sorry, but my lack of understanding had NOTHING to do with the world
            being misspelled. I just didn’t understand that she meant her
            “grandchild”. Once i did, it made perfect sense.

          • Name

            sorry, but my lack of understanding had NOTHING to do with the world
            being misspelled. It had everything to do with inserting the word grandchild. Once i did, it made perfect sense.

          • The Amazing Auntie

            You do realise that ‘d’ and ‘s’ are right next to each other on the keyboard, right? It’s just a typo, geez.

      • Robin Line- Forbes

        child?

        • Name

          insert “grandchild” and it will make better sense.

      • Guest

        I told my daughter I was going to post this question and watch everyone
        get all crazy about it, like it was something of great importance. You
        know, war, world hunger and “what’s a chils?” Thank you for proving how
        pathetic you are and how you lack the ability to know what is important
        and worth getting upset over. Such a shame and scary too.

    • Richard J. Harrington

      I am a guy writing this, but as I just read in the last comment, those feelings do come back! At this time in my life, I am holding My daughter again! I loved being a hands on dad, I changed diapers, I got up at night to walk the floors with my kids(my wife didn’t breast feed) and I took the days off when my kids got sick, my wife had a job where she had to travel, so someone had to do it! But one of the best things about my time with the kids, is now I am the grandfather to my daughter’s baby, and I watch her at least 3 times a week! It’s like holding my daughter again! Getting those hugs and squeezes, and that smile on her precious little face when she hears papa’ s voice! I am reliving all those wonderful feelings again, and I will miss them when the time comes!

      • Kat

        Thanks for sharing that! I am feeling that sorrow along with the joy…kids are 15, 9,9….my last were twins. How wonderful grandchildren will be!!

        • Sach-mo Adams

          what if your children choose not to have kids?

          • jaspuria707

            Always a party pooper in the crowd.

          • mts967

            Not a party pooper, a realist. Nothing wrong with being a realist.

          • Macka

            Fucking TWAT more like.

          • I agree. This is a valid question, not necessarily an attempt at being negative. I also agree with loving kids outside your own family. We have so much to offer others and need not worry about having our “own” grandchildren or even children. I had a home daycare several years ago and received more from the babies than I felt like I gave to them. It was wonderful and we still keep in touch with one of our families years later! Loving people need not be tied to blood relations. πŸ™‚

          • Juanita Wilcox

            You adopt one as your grandchild. I have 5 grandkids of my own and we have claimed another one as a grandchild. A child can never have to many people love them.

          • Amanda

            I agree Juanita. My daughter has an adopted “Nana” πŸ™‚

          • RJPC

            Our kids have had “adopted” grandparents and they love having more people to love on them. Then comes the old adage: “It takes a village to raise a child.”

          • Adopted Grand-daughter

            I had an adopted Grandma when I was growing up, my Mom’s Mom died when I was 9 and our next door neighbor adopted me and my siblings (and my Mom) – that was 45 years ago. I patiently wait for my son to have chn, he is still single. For now I have a grand-dogger. There is also have a friend of his who has two daughters and I am his “2nd” Mom so they are my adopted grand-daughters but unfortunately my “other” son was not married to either daughter’s mom so it is hard for him to get to see them so even tougher for me but I love on them when I can.

          • Nanny

            Love your nieces kid (s) or a good friend’s. It is wondrous too. I know, because I love my great-nephew and he loves me too.

          • jayjay

            I have 2 little great nephews and i love them 2 bits. My baby is 13 nw and doesnt do the hugs and kisses much nw. I cudnt have anymre after her so its so nice 2 have my little nephews.

          • sassy

            sometimes God has other plans, never give up hope. In the mean time I would adopt a child that needs another grandparent or that doesn’t have one in the area, it is the love that connects you, not the blood.

          • Kristin Correll

            Thank you. I’m adopted. So blood family only happened when I had my own children. Blood “family” is over rated. They have just as many issues. Parenting older children brings all kinds of things we have to contend with. I’ve cried thousands of tears. Had my heart broken. Been disappointed, etc. It is not easy. It’s the parents that never give up during these trials that deserve the most recognition.

          • Angela Joy Britt-Braun

            the kids were married 9 years…I was beginning to think I needed to sit my son down and revisit the facts of life, that possibly I left a detail out somewhere years ago. After all, I was a single mom trying to remember the details myself. But even though they ‘thought’ they didn’t want kids…they are the absolutely best parents to my precious little granddaughter that they apparently managed to figure out how to have πŸ˜‰

          • ChildFreeME

            Exactly. Please don’t pressure your children to have babies if they don’t want them. You “missing out” on being a grandparent does not trump their wishes to not raise a child.

          • brandy alexander

            I agree. Or reality sinks in like it has to me, that I’ll probably never have a child. I’m 30, I’m still single and can’t see that changing any time soon. I’ve been single for a very long time. I’d love to give my parents grandchildren, but I just don’t think I’m ever going to. πŸ™

          • Sian Campbell-Curtis

            Never give up. I had my first at 41 and my second at 44 xxx

          • michsidexxx

            I’m in the same position. …I was married 5 years, with him for 8. He always avoided the kid topic…finally I had to end the marriage over him mot wanting kids and found myself starting over at 27….I was in a relationship 2 years, we tried to have a baby for a year. Now we’re no longer together and starting over once again at 30….I think I cry at least once a day at the thought of never having a baby

          • Nanny kathy

            I really doesn’t matter where children come from… Our family is a mix on his, ours and everyone else’s children and each is an amazing part of our lives. There are plenty of young parents living far from their parents or who have ho parents who would love for you to step in and be surrogate grandparents for their children…. seek them out! I gave birth to only one child but have several who I feel are mine and now get to enjoy their children too. Real love knows nothing about genetics!

        • hannahkaye10

          Being a grandparent is the best feeling in the world ,,, My Grandson just turned a year old !!! I wss right there when he was born, it was an amazing feeling !! You love your children ,,, but the love for your grandchildren is a completely different type of love ,, deeply mesmerizing and you feel renewed and ecstatic !!! You get to experience your baby’s baby ,,,, and its a great feeling !!!

          • WeeSuzie

            You entirely nailed it on being a grandparent !

        • Brinnlit

          Our last pregnancy was “surprise” twins and I had a very difficult time bonding with them…unplanned pregnancy, terrible financial difficulties, almost a month in NICU, etc. but now that they’re 7, I find myself looking at the and feeling so thankful they’re in our lives! Really I have felt this way for a very long time but after reading the above article I don’t really remember feeling the loss each step of maturity brings to so many. I was overjoyed to give away the ignored toys, the seemingly limitless number of sippy cups, the outgrown clothes! We own and operate a small business from our property so both my husband and I are hands-on with everything in our kids’ lives! Every child, every parent, every situation is so different, that’s what I tell our kids everyday and those differences are the marvels and miracles that we celebrate by noticing, photographing or penning……
          Thanks for sharing!

      • Midnight

        This made me smile. Thank you. πŸ™‚

      • Deb Himes Wieneke

        What a wonderful dad and Papa!

      • Cassie Robinson

        Aww !!

      • MasonMaurer

        Richard That’s AWESOME! Lucky girl to have such a great Grandpa!

      • Jay

        Richard, I am too a grandpa. I love my grandbabies but I so miss being a dad. It is a bittersweet feeling not having small ones under foot, looking up to to you as if you were someone special. My fatherhood ended far to soon for me.

      • Linda Steinfelt-Lewis

        AMEN! I now have 3 beautiful grandsons. It’s like my two baby boys all over again. I LOVE IT!

      • The Queen of Kings

        I am on my last one of three boys and this and your post made my eyes sweat a little

      • Beatrice Wilson

        But now I am watching the last of my grandchildren grow up and I am very afraid that I will be too old when the greats come along to enjoy them the same way.

    • Cristy Zubrod-Just

      Agreed Kat:) grandbabies are just almost as much ours as they are our child’s:) In my case my “last one” was born 25 years ago, however I adopted two since, though they didn’t come from inside my womb I am feeling those “last one sniffles” as my baby is almost 10:( I have grandbabies too though so I will enjoy all that comes with that

    • Amy Richardson Eller

      Sooo true!! I just became a grandma one week ago today. I think being a grandparent is almost as good, if not better, than being a parent. You get all the good stuff but can send them home to mom and dad πŸ™‚

    • Rae

      THANK YOU…. I was barely able to read this post through my tears and your comment wad exactly what I needed to read!

    • Mary Houser

      Oh thank you for saying that. Oh you are so right but could have kept the youngest forever!!

  • Grandma Jenny

    There’s a wonderful secret… you get to do it all again as a grandma! and trust me, it’s just as sweet! maybe more, cause you’ve been waiting for that moment for years!

    • Stephanie Noisworthy

      My nanny once said that children get into their share of trouble but grandchildren very rarely make a mistake. She also grinned at her great grandchild and those are absolutely perfect. I will never know if she was right but for you Grandma Jenny, I hope she was. πŸ™‚

      • Richard J. Harrington

        A good friend of mine told me about 8mos. Ago when I told her my daughter was expecting, she said, “Richard, GOD made a mistake, he should have given us our grandchildren first!”

    • pamrpalm

      Unless your Grandkids live in a different country, across an ocean, or across the U.S. Then you only get to do it all over again once in a very distant while.

      • Ann Ryan

        and that is what makes me so sad. Two of mine ages 10 and7 live in CA and I do not think that they even know who I am. The other two (cousins) live in TX and are 10 and 2. I am happy for facebook so I can see them grow. Two of them will be here in June for a wedding. I want to keep them forever.

        • Sach-mo Adams

          you want to keep children that aren’t yours? ummm ins’t that a little creepy? I would get it if they were abused and you wanted to save or protect them, but the idea of keeping someone elses children that are perfectly cared and loved for is wellllll kinda stalker-ish

          • Chris

            It’s her grand children, not some random person’s kid. She obviously misses them. You are either trolling or not very smart.

          • Ryan Tallmadge

            Really? That’s a little ridiculous… I’m guessing you don’t have grandparents or

          • Sue Long

            Sach-mo – why are you always so negative?

        • Cheryl Baker Chesher

          Ann. Have you tried taking them on a vacation without parents? Each year we take out 3 grands for a week. They are now 8,10, & 12. We’,ve been to the beach, and a time share that had an indoor outdoor water park. Took them to the zoo, Dixie Stampede, horseback riding. So many fun things to do with them. Grandparent rules are in effect then. No bickering allowed. we love it.

          • Ann Ryan

            Cheryl, I would love to have them all to myself some day. When my first grandson was three, his dad (my son) would not let me take him to my neighbor’s pool unless his 7months pregnant wife went also. I did get to take care of him for three whole days when he was 2 becasue his parents went from San Diego to Las Vegas for the Marine Ball.
            My 11 year old grand daughter will be here in June for her aunt’s wedding. I may try to sneak off with her. MY heart’s delight Cooper who is 2.5 will be here, also but his mother (my daughter) barely lets his daddy keep him without her. First baby at age 41. Thank you for the welcome ideas though. I do not have any rules other than not to go near the street. If I could have them by myself for a week they would get so spoiled making up for the other 51 weeks of the year I do not see them

    • Sach-mo Adams

      Only for those that have children that choose to have kids.

  • cats3j

    Ya’ll are still young moms or moms to be… I am 60 yrs. old and have two of the most beautiful grown children around they will be 41 yrs. old and 39yrs. old. I have to admit that the best and the saddest part of raising my children was my mama raised them for me I was just along for the ride. When she passed away they were 5 & 6 yrs. old and for the love of GOD I didn’t quite know how to raise them. Don’t get me wrong my children actually had three mamas (my mama, my grandma and me) but my mama always seemed to have the last word. I lived across the street from my mama and dad and grandma. I wanted to share a memoriable memory, One afternoon my daughter (age 3) got really angry at me so she decided she was gonna run a way from home, hearing this I decided to tell her to go ahead and run away, so I packed her a lunch and a change of clothes and told her to go, well she went out the door and down the driveway, as soon as she got to the street she started crying, my mama heard her crying and called me to see what was wrong so I told her. Well after that my mama went to the end of her driveway and asked my daughter why she was crying, my daughter told her she was running away but she wasn’t allowed to cross the street without a grown-up, of course my mama went across the street and walked her across the street to her house.
    Children are a gift from GOD and they are enjoyable but also can be a beauty of a pain in the rear-end…lol

    • Lisa

      Amen. I am having such trouble with my 12 year old son! Middle school does a number on him.

  • Rene

    I had my first at 35, tried one more time – and had twins! God sneaked in one more unexpected blessing at age 42. Never dreaming I could have one more made “the last” that more poignant to me. I cried the last time I breast fed, because I knew a baby at my breast, the feeling of the milk coming down, and the last completely physical connection between me and another human being would never be again. Now, at 65, my heart aches as much today as it did that day. Mothers must learn to move on, because they are moving on without us as the years go. Now with adult children, my heart aches because it is so full of love. The “last” one syndrome has been overtaken by love and hope and pride. Just so fully blessed.

    • IRMam

      I nursed my third and last for the last time in November. I was upset for weeks and it still makes me cry remembering through your post.

      • Joy Gilmer Riddle

        I nursed 6 and I still dream about it. My last is almost 19

        • Ann Ryan

          I understand I nursed 6 including a set of twins. One time I Had stopped nursing my son when he was over two, but my husband and I had an overnight trip and the milk came back. I picked him and wanted to nurse him. I will NEVER forget the smile on his face

          • a mummy

            I think this is the best comment on here. How lovely! x

    • Sach-mo Adams

      The last “physical connection between me and another human being would never be again”………… hope your husband is aware of that, must be cold friday nights at your place.

      • Ashley Masterson

        Omg why are you being an ass to everyone. If you’re trying to troll you’re failing miserably by sounding so freaking unintelligent

      • anti_troll

        you are a bit of an idiot aren’t you?

        • Sue Long

          I think you’re being too kind.

  • sandy

    Yes, until you start all over again with your babies , babies and feel so sorry that you got rid of all the toys that they just don’t make anymore, or the little plates that you can can suction to the tray,,, try finding that,,,haha,,, so you see it never ends,,,,,yahhhhhh!!

  • law

    I have been trying to have another for a while, and it dawned on me while reading this that I have had so many “last monents” with my youngest- and while I knew they were my “lasts” with him, it is starting to set in that they may have also been my “last” mommy moments- this article is in a way so sad- it brought tears to my eyes

    • Carolyn Russ

      we don’t always know at the time that the first is also the last, but I enjoyed every moment of my one and only….

    • Daniela

      Feel blessed you got to do this even once! Many never afforded that blessing…

      • Jadevikkis Sellingpage

        afforded ???? if you want children that bad then you get a better job

        • Stephanie Webster

          “Afford” does not always refer to money. I think this commenter means that due to many different reasons, including infertility, some people do not have the chance to experience this. They are not afforded the chance. But thanks for assuming the worst about your fellow human beings.

  • Ally

    well said! I love your little paragraph about yourself! I feel the same way.

  • mom2f5

    It’s almost worse when your first ends up being your only & last without that being the plan. I always wanted at least 2 & up to 4….it just didn’t work out that way…my son is now 17 & I’m sad that he is almost grown & almost out of schooll….however I am also proud that he is an independent, responsible young man that I know can take care of himself & will do fine in life.

    . restorativenow 17 &wanted

    • Daniela

      Thank you…in the same situation here…so tired of mothers whining about “this is the last time I’ll do this” when they had three to enjoy…having one is a complete and total blessing, but every first is also the last.

      • jazzy

        Harboring that resentment will not help you heal the loss of the children you did not have. Perhaps instead of holding a grudge towards the women who are mourning their own experiences you can celebrate the fact that you had a child yourself. Just as you are upset that you couldn’t have more YOU are lucky you even had one. There are a lot of women that cant even have one. Quite the irony coming from you.

        • Sach-mo Adams

          Why complain about any of it at all is my question? Didn’t anyone contemplate these things or take them into consideration BEFORE getting knocked up? Seriously it comes with the territory ya know.

          • Diana

            Yes it “comes with the territory” but that doesn’t mean we as mothers and fathers didn’t consider it when we “got knocked up”. Its grieving something that once was, that we miss, that we long for and want to remember. We aren’t complaining about being parents, or complaining about the lasts (well most of us aren’t). We are simply reminiscing and thinking back on all that has been and will never be with our children again. I am not done having children but I still think about this often. Get over yourself.

  • Christine G-Ma Walsh

    This is very true…and then comes the day when your last born is all grown up and says to you “no matter how old I am, momma…I will still be your baby!” —It starts all over again when you’re in the delivery room watching your first grand baby make her entrance into the world–and in the blink of an eye, that baby boy you held for the first time 20 something years ago–has finally become a man and all those seemingly meaningless lessons you taught him, finally make valuable sense!! Becoming a grandma was HIS thank you gift to me and also his desire to be just as good a father as I was–and still am–his mother <3

  • Donna

    When you hold that first Grand child it is THE MOST wonderful feeling in the world. And it is magic. I love my grand babies!

  • Reader

    I loved being on the last. With 7 little ones, I had no desire at all for another baby stage. I am so happy to be moving on to bigger and better things, like us all going (someday) to a public place with everyone walking, and nobody in diapers. It’s not bittersweet at all for me to give away baby stuff. If I had 2 or 3 kids, yes, probably it would be.

  • Amethyst Skies

    I’m pregnant with my fourth and last and this post is so utterly poignant. You’ve broken my eyes; they’re leaking.

    MamaUndone

  • Vicki

    Many of you are lucky to get a “last” one. My first was also my last, and that brings so many other difficult emotions.

    • Daniela

      Exactly -but I always remember the pain of being single until I was almost 37 -I used to get infuriated with women who were married and complaining about either not being able to have a kid or not having more than 1. Imagine the pain of not even having a partner to try with…there is always a harder situation out there.

      • jazzy

        You just keep going. “Poor me” please get over yourself. You sound like a miserable person.

      • someone

        Yeah, the pain of being such an insufferable bitch that no one would want to have a relationship, let alone a child with you, must be SO MUCH more painful than having infertility problems. Huh. God, you are a complaining, miserable human being. I feel badly for your child.

      • michelle

        Not everything in life needs to be put into that kind of perspective. It’s okay to have emotions about your children growing up without feeling shamed by others who wish they had what you were blessed with. Of course someone always has a harder situation. This article didn’t express a lack of gratitude for being a mother. It expressed emotions felt when a mother realizes that those awesome moments in her life will end. If you hate hearing women “complain” like this, there is an easy solution. Stop reading about it. Find something to read that touches your heart the way this touched so many others and don’t spend your time trying to take that feeling away from readers who can relate toit.

      • Vicki

        I know the pain of your situation and then of suddenly not being able to have children. My point was simply that one person’s melancholy is another person’s dream. πŸ™‚

  • kksign74

    The glorious days of giving birth to your own babies may be gone, but the wonder of grandmotherhood is our reward. God doesn’t take that away from us without giving us something just as sweet in return. πŸ™‚

  • disqus_PbKlcAzWHH

    This is a great article but some stuff isnt true.I havent given up on teaching my youngest son his letters and numbers that he needs to know for school or teaching him how to read just because he is my last one. I have taught all my children their numbers, colors, letters etc. Because it helps them for when they go to school plus, you are spending lots of valuable time with them. My youngest is three and it makes me sad that he is growing up so fast and that he is my last. Children are such a special gift from God.

  • Miranda

    So very true. All the lasts first are deeply bittersweet. With the first, I wished time away because I was so excited to see what was to come. With the last i savor every moment:). Check out my stories at mothersvillage2014.bligspot.com. We have much in common:)

  • Mandy

    This is so well written. Completely sums up my heartbreak.

  • Floretta

    Sweet. We passed on toys and favorite books to our kids before donating the rest to the DA’s office (where they deal with abused kids) and the public library. I have 8 younger siblings so I’ve forgotten where most of the clothes ended up, lol. But just yesterday we were buying size 6 month clothes for our second grandson. Our son has 2 boys, 16 months and 3 months old, and we are enjoying the chaos, the first teeth, first steps, inconsolable crying and happy burbles all over again. Our daughter is hoping to start her family soon as well, so we look forward to years of being Grandma and Grandpa, giving our grandchildren what our grandparents gave us – unconditional love, fresh-baked cookies, books, and time, for adventures and cuddling.

  • ProudMamma2anOnly

    My only is 4 years old, as much as I look forward to every new adventure I miss the younger phases too, but so glad that my husband and I are a one and done family πŸ™‚ I wouldn’t have it any other way, for as much as I would love to have a baby to cuddle and love I want my baby to have as much attention from both of her parents for her entire childhood and all the many advantages that come from being and having an only child

    • ProudMamma2anOnly

      and of course friends and family are great for those brief moments of insanity when I want a baby to snuggle, to get the reminder of how hard that first year or two is

  • pat stefko

    Had decided my second son was my last child and gave everything away, it was sad for me. But life being what it is I ended up divorced and remarried few years later and along come our daughter!! So glad i wasnt too old to do it again, started over and loved every minute of it!! She is graduating college now but i have 2 adorable grand babies now and i saved some things my kids loved, special blanket, a toy. Today i will give my son his soccer shirt from when he was 4 years old to have for his son who is 4 months old!! The circle of life, you cant stop it !! God Bless all you young mommies and daddies (including my own 2 sons)
    out there, just enjoy your kids!!

  • Ang

    Oh how much I’m feeling this right now!!! I have a baby that is 18 and a baby that is 16!!!! I wish I could start over and turn back the time! I would be such a better mommy this time!

  • Maria

    I love this.. although it had me reduced to tears. Well said. We should spend more of our days appreciating how fleeting this moments with our children are.

  • kshering

    My baby will be graduating in the spring and head to college in the fall. First time in 37 years, I won’t have a child at home. Sniff,sniff.

  • Crafty Rn

    But with every last there is always a first!

  • julee

    I had my one and only child at 47 and I feel this way every single minute of every day!

  • Beverly

    I was blessed with 5 beautiful children. When my last was born (now 45), I was told I had to have a hysterectomy, It was the saddest day of my life. I would no longer have the joy of giving birth and all that goes with it. Today I have 14 grandchildren and 6 great grandchildren. They have shown me real joy, because they are an extension of my babies.

  • Melissa

    Thank you for making me cry first thing in the morning. πŸ˜‰

  • Marina Stylianides

    Having birthed 10 babies at home my first at 26 and my last at 49 nursing until 51 ,there;something to be said about living through the seasons of our life:s

    • Richard J. Harrington

      GOD BLESS YOU!

    • Christina Byrum

      i know what u mean…i had my first at 16 & now at 35, just gave birth to our 7th πŸ™‚

  • Heidi

    Cried the whole time I was reading this. I am experiencing all these emotions and so many more with what will most likely be our last baby. Nice to know other moms have these feelings too!!

  • Chris Uncangco

    Just think how lucky you have been to experience this. Then think how unlucky those are, who have not.

    • jazzy

      I will never understand the point of these messages. How lucky are you that you have the ability to try to bring someone down for feeling the way they do about their own experiences. Think about the things YOU should feel fortunate for before pointing out what everyone else should.

      • Chris Uncangco

        Jazzy. ..understanding is apparently not one of your long suits. In no way was I trying to bring anyone down. Watching children go from ” pick me up ” to ” can I borrow the car?” is called raising your children. There are people who will never have that beautiful experience.

        • michelle

          Just because there are people who are unable to have a child (or more than one child, as it appears is bothering some people on here) doesn’t mean that others are supposed to disregard the emotions that they feel in their own circumstances. No one here said they didn’t appreciate how beautiful and amazing it is to be a mother. They expressed sadness for the ending of a very precious stage in their life. I don’t see a single comment in this thread that sounds like an ungrateful mother. In fact, it sounds like they all realize just how amazing it is, which is why it is so hard to let go. I feel very bad for women who can’t experience this. I know that would have been devastating to me and I thank God every day that I was blessed with my babies. But if it’s difficult to hear women mourning the end of a great part of their lives that you didn’t get to experience, maybe you shouldn’t read articles like this. I can’t imagine it helps you heal from or process the pain you’re feeling, and it turns what was a beautiful, relatable article for so many women into something ugly. You have no right to tell them how to feel, just like they have no right to tell you how to feel about your own circumstances. Spread love, not hate.

        • Jadevikkis Sellingpage

          your comment is true but this post was for people that do have a last baby so why comment and course negative arguments people like you like the attention I guess

  • Shzlett1

    I really liked this post until I got to the end! This is when you have to remember that you get to fall in love with your husband all over again. You get to rediscover yourself and learn who you are and what you like outside of being mom. I’m sure this was one of those sad moments where you just want your babies to be babies forever, but let’s turn that into an amazing blog post about the joys of watching your first, middle, last, only, whatever, grow into toddlers, children, school-agers, teens, and eventually a responsible adult. You get to watch them grow and succeed. You watch them stumble and are there to pick them up when they fall. You see them fall in love, get married, get a career, develop passion for life, and most important of all…GRANDBABIES. You are a part of that! YOU gave your children those building blocks of life and have molded them into what they are today and everything they will be. Every bit and every moment of life is sweet. Sometimes it’s laced with bitter, but they are all beautiful. πŸ™‚

  • Liz

    Was this supposed to be sex ed? Because this makes me seriously not want children.

  • Laura Cazares

    I cried trying to read this! I have 3, 2 boys and my youngest is a girl 20 weeks of age. this is true, I’ve been feeling sad alot with her being my last. im working but I try to spend as much time with her as possible. Honestly this article made me feel a bit worse. I’m going to miss all of this. everyday I feel it. I’m not depressed, just aware. I’ll just have to wait to be a grama one day.

  • amydill

    Beautiful. My youngest is almost 2, and every time I box up clothes or toys to send to my sister, who has a baby and plans on having more, I get weepy and even a little jealous. At the same time, I’m relieved to have sold off all the swings and bouncy seats, and excited when I see my boys doing “big kid” things together. Oddly enough, though my last pregnancy was pretty tough, the thing I might be most sad about is never being pregnant again. There’s nothing like it!

  • Well, when I thought it was the last, there was more. Then when I thought I was done again….well, there has been more. So I’m not saying no more any more even after 18 kids πŸ™‚
    Great article and honestly, even though it hasn’t been the last child, each step of each child’s development is the last for that child and that in and of itself is just as hard as if it were the last child in the house. I look back, look at pictures…remember…..and cry some more. Currently I don’t have any more bottles, I’m not anxious to get my almost 3 year old off the sippy cup either. He should be off by 3…my others were. Do I have to? I talked my youngest daughter into remaining 6 for one more year (yesterday was the 2nd anniversary of her 6th birthday πŸ™‚ But I know she is only “acting” to appease me. But it does my heart good πŸ™‚

  • Ann

    Oh my goodness! Thank you so much for writing this! I so needed to read this! My youngest is three and no one gets why I don’t freak out about potty training and why I am secretly dreading the end of the diaper-era!

    • suburbanturmoil

      To be honest, I celebrated the end of potty training! There are definitely some things about early childhood that I DON’T miss. πŸ™‚ Perhaps I should address those in another post!

  • Korri’s Mom

    When my third child was born I had these same thoughts. The last… the last… the last… As much as I enjoyed our first born’s first life events, I enjoyed our last child’s first events more. I did, because I knew they would be my last “firsts” to enjoy. In June 2013, our youngest died, suddenly and unexpectedly. Now I think of “the lasts” not of my last of her “firsts” but just as my “lasts” and “firsts”. The last time I saw her. The last time I talked with her. The last time I told her I loved her. And our first day without her. Our first month without her. Our first Christmas and her birthday without her. Usually you think of anniversaries with a smile and look forward to celebrating each one. It changes when you’ve lost a child. Now I think, another day, week, without her. I guess what I hope to relay is, don’t cry over your baby’s last “first”. Remember them fondly, but delight in your child’s todays. Each one. Because we truly don’t know if there will be a tomorrow with them.

    • suburbanturmoil

      I’m so sorry for your loss. I am only able to imagine what you must be going through by thinking of my friends who’ve been through the same thing and knowing the extent of their grief, my heart aches for you.

      • Korri’s Mim

        Thank you. My sympathies to your friends. They have a good friend. We all need support. I will keep them in my prayers.

    • jazzy

      I’m so so sorry to read of your loss. <3

    • Ann Ryan

      Kerri, I am sitting here with tears just reading your post. My sister only had two boys and she wanted at least four. A year ago her baby age 55 killed himself and she grieves every day of her life. I do too because although he was my nephew I felt that he was my little brother and like you I thitnk of the wonderful times I had with him when he was little and regret the times that I did not understand his mental illnesses.

  • 12345

    My ‘last’ child was my only child, so I guess I never went through this. When I get rid of her toys and bottles, I don’t feel sad because I’ll never need them again; I feel happy because I’ve had the joys of watching her achieve milestones. I think it also helps that I donate them to charity — this makes me feel like the stuff she no longer needs will be helping other children who really need these things right now — instead of just sitting in a closet for years. I have never felt that my child was ‘growing too fast’ either. I know she is my only child so I try not to take any of the little passing moments for granted. So when she reaches a new stage of life it makes me feel proud and happy as I watch her blossom into such a beautiful and happy girl, instead of sad for moments gone by. This is just my perspective on it, but I don’t have a bunch of children so I am sure it is very different for moms who do. Personally I love being an only-child’s mommy though πŸ™‚

    • betsyrose

      Thanks for sharing this perspective as its just what I have been needing to hear lately watching her grow from a toddler to a little girl in what seems likethe blink of an eye… πŸ™‚

  • nina

    What is sad is when you didn’t realize the last one you had would be your last…but, nevertheless, I enjoyed and savored every moment of the baby years and now our girls are 16 and 12 and I’m so thankful for the milestones because I’ve been able to witness them. I had a childhood friend who had 4 beautiful children, she died last year and will not get the experience seeing all those things I’ve seen already…so, I’m thankful and do not take it for granted. Nothing is guaranteed
    . some plan to have more children, but how do we know that? It’s not always the way things work out.

  • First shall be last

    I’ve been struggling with this same thing, but for a totally different reason. We are unable to have biological children and adopted our wonderful son 8.5 years ago. We always thought we’d be able to adopt at least one more, in order to complete our family (and go through these “lasts” the way we dreamed), but sadly we’re having to come to terms with the fact that this cannot be and realizing that our lasts were probably also our firsts. It’s a tough pill to swallow, that’s for sure–especially because we didn’t know all this time that those milestones were our lasts. I envy all of you who can complete your family and experience your lasts on your own terms.

  • Carolyn Bradford

    Oh, Grandma Jenny…I was so thinking the same thing! I am in tears reading this but was thinking…it still comes back around! Don’t throw away EVERYTHING! I promise it’s fun to pull it back out and watch the granddaughter play with the American Girl Dolls and the barbies! I’m saving my youngest childs GI Joes for his children one day…it’s all wonderful and this was a FABULOUS post!

  • Megz

    Well isnt this the most depressing article ever. Excuse me while I take some Prozac.

  • Daniela

    Feel blessed, not sad, that you got to experience this more than once. Many will never have the chance to have a child and many will only have one child -every first will be a last.

    • jazzy

      Still going…..do you have anything positive or different to say?

  • mommy of four

    My last is a Jr. in high school. Make me sad that next yr. will be her last yr. of high school. πŸ™

  • Marilyn Hurst

    or when your last joins the military Navy and goes to boot camp on his 21st Birthday and he celebrates it on your oldest Daughters wedding Day and you dance your last dance with him to Rascal Flatts my wish for you tell me that isn’t a tear jerker. It was mine

  • kewkew

    As I was reading this my eyes were tearing up. I have 3 children from a previous marriage who are now 22, 21 and 17. After my daughter was born I never thought I would have more. Then I got remarried.We had 4 children together who are 7, 5, 4 and 2. I know these feeling of him being my last. I just posted on FB (jokingly) that my son had done something almost unforgivable and I felt betrayed because he had promised not to grow up and he just turned 2. The small clothes are bagged up and headed out, no reason to keep them any more. I watched my last child crawl, learn to stand and walk and now jump. And now he just stopped nursing at bedtime.

  • Helen Taylor

    Exactly what I was thinking Kat. Then comes the grandchild and life goes on, with that sweet baby smell, cuddles, kisses, seeing a new world through a child’s eyes. It brings out the best in us and I LOVE to see big men acting so silly with their babies – in the grocery store or any store. That is really great. So cheer up; the cycle never stops.

  • Traci

    I Have 3 BoYs Ahmed My Lady One Played In His Left Basketball Game Tonight The Tears Wouldn’t Stop Running Down My Face. Where Did The Time Go. My Baby Is Now 18

  • Ann Ryan

    My identical twins were my last babies. I did miss them growing up so quickly. Now thanks to God < i have four precious grand children. Problem is they all live thousands of miles away

  • tp

    It is really sad when you are 50+ and can’t have any more babies. Then you realize because you embraced the “American way” of having only 2 kids, all the joys from your possible other kids are gone for good!!

  • doreenmcgettigan

    Grandchildren are the reward.

  • Candice M Gleason

    I had three children. The first two were girls and now they are mothers to our seven grandchildren. We are long distance grandparents. Never thought that would happen! Cherish the moments we get..long for the daily interaction. Thankful to have them all. Wish they were closer. God is good.

  • Tracey Rogers

    Well im watching my oldest , a daughter that is 21 , find her way in the world …. she grew up so fast ….. next year my oldest son will graduate from high school and she will graduate from college….My yongest son will graduate the year after …. ive loved it all making memories each and eve4ry day with them i cant imagine a day without there laughter and songs and jokes ……. I am truly blessed and i can so connect with the writer of this post ……..God the creator is so awesome

  • Natasha

    I can’t bear this right now, my youngest is only 21 months but already I’m feeling this overwhelming sadness!

  • lois

    ……….and then you find out your pill didn’t quite work out and everything you’ve bought will have to be bought again!!!!!

  • laura ann

    I am pregnant w our second and it might be our last. This was nice to read it really makes u remember to think and cherish all these moments mentioned.

  • Lisa

    This is wonderfully written…thank you for sharing my thoughts on paper πŸ˜‰ I am under 50 and have 5 grandchildren…and it’s pure joy!
    And, pardon me, but wow…I read the comments … My mistake. I should have just stopped after your article…seriously some idiots out there-

  • Linda Ann Marrero-Torres

    Made me cry to remember all the special and beautiful moments. But I have to say that God usually offers us the joy to have grandchildren and we get to embrace them at a slower pace with les stress and more time to simply enjoy. <3 <3 <3 <3 Four grandkids and praying for more!

  • Adele Browne

    Cheer up! At every age your children will surprise you with their uniqueness, and need your love and encouragement. And after they are grown, you may find that it is even more wonderful to be a loving grandparent.

  • jessie

    The last one in my house, goes to kindergarten next year. πŸ™

  • Patty

    This is the wonder of being open to the blessings of children. You never know if this will truly be your last one because God may surprise you with another child. I know, I just had a beautiful little boy at the age of 44 in addition to the 6 I already have. I can say without a doubt that being a parent at this age is A-MAZING! I’m smarter and a better parent than I was when I was younger and I enjoy all of those precious moments that I overlooked with my older children. So, when I hear ‘better you than me’…I think, yes…because you have no idea what you’re missing.

  • nynina

    beautifully said-but I see there are a lot of ppl here with no common sense to realize chils was a typo it’s not that hard to figure out

  • Ilene

    Our children are grown and some grandchildren just starting out on this road. When you love them it’s just a matter of time and the circle exbands. Hold what you can now so you will know in the future. I wait until I can introduce my progeny to my parents and granparents. The circle never breaks for long only to let more in. God Bless

  • girliemom

    I can’t even finish reading this without crying. I think this is exactly why it is so hard for me to let her grow up. She is 5 already. I am so grateful that she still lets me hold her and snuggle with her. I don’t really push her to do anything early because I know it is my last time and I am trying to enjoy every minute.

  • Cathy D. Wilemon

    this is so very true!!! But I do love my grandchildren as if they were my own…just as much.

  • Nana P

    You will be sad at all those “Last” but oh the joy of watching your child become a GREAT parent because of what he/she learned from you. As a “Nana” to six with #7 on the way – Grandchildren are the reward we get for going through all the pain as well as the joys with our children!

    • Richard J. Harrington

      Thank you Nana p. For the nice comment about your children and grand children! That is what I am watching now in my family! My daughter and my son-in-law had their first baby this past August! To say the least I am a very greatful “papa”! I watch my granddaughter 3 days a week! It is the biggest gift I have been given by my daughter and her husband, to put that trust in me, and I love it! I love the fact that when my daughter and son-in-law come home from work, my granddaughter, has the biggest smile on her face when her mommy and daddy come into the house! I love the fact that she loves her parents so much at 6 mos. old she gets so excited when she hears the footsteps come closer, her whole body shakes with anticipation! It really brings back the time when my kids were babies and they would do the same thing! My granddaughter is the first girl to be born into my son-in-laws family and he was positive he was having a son! To see the look on his face, and his voice when he announced to my daughter( they did not want to know what the sex of the baby was, and my daughter wanted my -son-in-law to make the birth announcement to her!) that they had a daughter, my daughter said it was priceless! I spoke to my son-in-law after they came home from the hospital, and talked about him having a daughter! I told him you can do the same things with your daughter that you would do with a son, and the best thing is, is that she will always be “daddy’s little girl”! At 33 and married to a wonderful husband, my daughter still is “Daddy’s little girl”!

  • Susan Blackman

    My youngest child (I have 9) will be 19 in May. I am blessed as a mother and now I’m enjoying the blessings of grandchildren. Our 8th grandchild was born February 4, 2014. (And only 3 of our 9 children have started having babies yet!) I am loving every minute of it and thank God every day. No time for”empty nest ” here. The nest just keeps getting bigger and better. Thank you for your lovely post.

  • WhenCrazyMeetsExhaustion

    Oh my goodness. I’m 8 months pregnant with my third (and last), face wet with tears and a thankful heart that I read this before I had the baby so I could REALLY appreciate my late rodeo. Thank you for the perspective…and the good cry πŸ˜‰

  • Jean Davis

    every year has its own memories that you would never wish away!

  • Amanda B

    I would love to copy this and frame it somehow it’s beautiful

  • Jen

    I think this is a well written piece. I can relate with the sentiments shared by this parent. However, since I had my last one, I have seen posts like this and, while I’m not saying these feelings are wrong or shouldn’t be felt and acknowledged, I wish there would be more credit given to the blessing that you, whomever you are, lamenting your final child, were able to have children at all. Maybe your journey to parenthood was simple, maybe not…. maybe you tried for years and/or suffered miscarriages or struggled with fertility to finally have your children or maybe, like me, the last child you had passed away, born still and therefore all the “lasts” you had were with your first child and you never realized that they were your lasts because you didn’t know that when you tried to have another, she would never live. It is normal to have these bitter-sweet moments of “gosh, I’ll never hold another of my own babies in my arms and feed her a bottle,” etc., but for me, to read this is a different kind of heartbreak. It is heartbreaking to hear a parent who was fortunate enough to have multiple children spend however long it took to write this feeling sad or strange or as if her child’s life is slipping away. Yes, it goes fast, too fast, and I wish it would go slower. But each day is a gift, each “last” if a gift if you’re lucky enough to have it given to you. It gives way to all new firsts, all new pages and chapters. We can be pessimistic and sigh as we wake up each morning knowing this is the last February 22, 2013 we will ever see, or we can be so so thankful we made it to this day or this last. I only know now, it only recently dawning on me that the daughter I lost is likely the last child I’ll have, that I better watch out for my living daughter’s “lasts.” Her last diaper is coming soon. Her last sippy cup. Last dress with the little matching bloomers. I’m going to try not to feel heavy-hearted over those lasts, but rather filled with gratitude that she is given life every new day, grows healthfully so far and, with any shred of luck, that she and I will both be granted the opportunity to see the last tricycle, the last bus ride, the last school book and the last day she lives in my home. I challenge that the onward-ness of childhood should be viewed with any kind of despair. Holding your baby in your arms knowing it is the last time you’ll ever see her… that is despair. Let the last onesie, the last picture book and the last report card be met with a brief sigh and then add it quickly to your wealth of memories and blessings, not to be lamented, but treasured. Choose gratitude <3

  • Lori Vanslett

    Awhhh.you touch my heart.felt myself holding tears back.I too am now a grandmother.my 2 daughters are grown ,youngest had our beautiful grand daughter Marlie 7 weeks ago.my oldest daughter is due to have her little girl inmarch.Ii always tell my dsughters.”dont blink”my beautuful baby girls…dont blink!

  • Mary Emerson

    Hopefully there will come a day when your LAST one will place in your arms his/her FIRST one ..so don’t throw everything away , Grandchildren are special…

    • Sandra Templeton

      Yes they are very special! Great Grandchildren are special too. Don’t throw anything away. My grandson wore my son’s tennis shoes & later my great grandson wore them. Save your child’s favorite toy & watch the joy in the face of your grandchild & yes, even your great grandchild. Precious, all of them.

  • bobbysbaby

    Omg i couldnt get past the first paragraph… i was already feeling the ache in my heart

  • June

    Then comes the time when the grandchildren come and it is the best time of your life. To spoil them endlessly is the greatest

  • Megan Hollingsworth-Blacketer

    My husband and I were only planning on having 2 children it is what we both always wanted growing up. As we had our second child we both just assumed that was it but did nothing permanently to stop from having another child, so I really never had this over whelming sadness. We decided one day that we both wanted another baby and we got pregnant very quickly. During that pregnancy I had a 2 and 4 year old and was very tired and frustrated and was very glad that this would be my final and last baby (I actually was scared that I couldn’t handle 3). When the day came to give birth to our 2nd daughter I was overwhelmed with joy (as we all feel this when giving birth) but soon after I realized it would be the last time that I would ever be pregnant and feel someone inside me and the last time I would be giving birth and holding this small precious thing that my husband and I created. I knew shortly after giving birth to her I was getting my tubes tied and yes I was ready for it I was ready to never have another child. But while I was sitting in my hospital room after surgery and feeding our beautiful baby my heart filled with sadness and panic, realization had finally hit that this is it I will never do this again. Nobody ever warns you about the mental part of getting your tubes tied, nobody mentions that emptiness you will feel and the emotional toll it takes on you. I have breast fed all my children our daughter is now 9 months and I am still breast feeding her because I am finding it difficult to stop because I am realizing that I don’t want her to grow up I want her to be my baby forever but I know that this is soon coming to an end. Though I am excited to watch my children grow, and learn and am super excited to be a Grandma (not to soon though) I don’t think this feeling of knowing I can’t have another child will ever go away.

  • AMG

    This article is so true. I never thought my second baby would be my last. He just turned 5. Tears stream down my face as I read this. I remind myself everyday that my time with him as a small boy is running out. I cherish the small moments and before bed snuggle him and make sure to smell his little head.

  • Anna Lusk

    It’s just for a little while, because grand children will come along and you will be the best and you are always the good guy. Enjoy grand parenthood!

  • Stephen Carter

    Love my grandchildren, but will always be second best. Offers of help rejected, requests to take the kids out thwarted. It’s hard being a mum-in-law. I don’t expect to replace the bond that my daughter-in-law has with her mum, but would be nice to feel needed.

  • Kiisha

    Loved this! I have these feelings so much lately. My youngest is 3, so it’s not too bad…but it is getting there…

  • Jennie Miller

    I kind of feel this way with my son. He’s an only child and I plan to keep it that way. But I just try to enjoy each moment and not linger at any one stage of his development. Baby- and toddlerhood were great but there are new milestones to look forward to. My goal is to prepare him for adulthood as best I can and enjoy my time with him while I have it. If one day I’m a grandmother, that’d be great, but I wouldn’t mind if he chose not to have kids. I just want him to live his life to the fullest, in whatever way makes sense for him.

  • Anne

    Its not over when you know the joy of grandchildren. Its true….I love mine just as my own. πŸ™‚

  • sandra Pritts

    Having 4 grown children and seven grandchildren, I understand all the remarks in your blog. Times goes by so quickly so enjoy each moment. As they grow up, each stage has it’s special benefits and I remember enjoying each one of them. Cherish each stage of their lives. These are the best experiences you will ever have. Starting when they are small, teach them compassion and love and that rules are rules to be obeyed because of your love for them. When they don’t understand, take the time to explain to them. Always tell them they come first, and you will always be there for them and always love them.

  • Grammy

    I always thought I’d have another, but the years slipped by and it didn’t happen. So I didn’t get to savor the moments knowing my son was my last. However, I now have 17 grandchildren (steps count, you know!) and one great-grandchild. I am completely enjoying every moment with them. God knows what He’s doing. I am content.

  • mond

    this broke me again , we didn’t know our last child was to be our last until 30 mins before the caesarian , ok she is our 6th but I resent my choice being taken from me and my baby is now a tween ….. my married son says he and his wife may not want kids , so has my 4th , number 2 has only just started a relationship , number 3 is disabled, number 5 is only 15 so I have a while to wait before grandchildren ….. I was a very young mum and an still of child bearing age …. I miss not having tiny ones so much

  • Jenna

    Hi everyone! So much about this post hit home,my kids are 8 6 4 and 21 months. I an willing my youngest to stay as he is but obviously that’s not possible! I have been sterilised for medical reasons now so I am definitely taking in all the firsts/lasts xx

  • Linda Easterly

    How true this is: I am having to learn to let my last spread her wings and fly…but at the same time I am experiencing the wonderful joy of grandchildren. Having 4 children very spread out in age : 2 sons 32 and 25, 2 daughter 22 and 15. So its bittersweet. Watching my last grow into the beautiful young lady she is while missing the moments of her childhood, I did savor them a bit more sweetly with her and Im grateful for that. For those that say what if they choose not to have grandchildren, that its being a realist, open your eyes, look around you. There are so many children out there that need love. So many that do not have a grandparent and would love to have one.

  • Theresa Lister

    How about if you only ever have ONE child? Nothing can be taken for granted and everything is for the first, and last, time. It’s even tougher….

  • expatmum

    And then you’ll get pregnant accidentally….Oh wait, that was just me. LOL (And then you learn to savor the moment, cherish his little face, give him time to finish a 5 minute long question etc etc).

  • Nonni

    Love this; my ‘last’ one is 20. We still have a Scooby Doo that he received as a Christmas gift when he was 5. My grandsons play with it now. Every time I see that Scooby Doo, for a few minutes, he’s 5 again; he has come home from kindergarten with lice, and he has begged us not to throw Scooby away.

  • Sandra Templeton

    When your child grows up it is the beginning not the end. My son is an only child who has grown into a fine young man with 4 sons of his own. Since, this is my 2nd marriage, my husband has a son & a daughter. My husband’s daughter had 4 daughters & we really are a blended family. Being a grandma my arms have always been filled with all the, “first”. Now as a great grandma of 9, my arms are still filled with all the ,”first.” 16 months ago I saw my great grandson being born. He came out & leaped into my heart & he has a place there that no one else can fill. It is the same with the other great grandchildren, they all have a special place in my heart. Every, ” first ” my 16 mo. great grandson does is as exciting as every, “first’ I experience with my son. Every ounce of formula, every inch they learn how to crawl, every tooth, every smile, all of it comes back & means as much now as when I experienced them with my son. I’m a 67 yr old wife, mother, grandmother & great grandmother & my arms are full & I wouldn’t trade it for anything in the world!

  • kaz2055

    yes then you have a grandchild and its there again

  • SueD

    I remember the “last one” sadness – it was 31 years ago and although I was overjoyed, over the moon, to have a second daughter, I knew she would be my last so it definitely was with a mixture of joy and sadness that I took her home from the hospital. All those years rushed by like a whirlwind and now I have 5 grandchildren born in the past 6 years. Life is full again with newborn cries, toddler antics, and grade school “firsts”. When we have children we all get a second chance to relive those years through our grandchildren. But what I will do when there is no baby to cuddle and walk the floor with……….I don’t know.

  • Tracey Hooks

    Tears!!!! then if u r truly blessed, you’ll receive the love of a grandchildren!! There’s nothing like it! Whoever wrote that…very sweet!!

  • Amber Hillman

    *wiping away tears* seriously, its killing me slowly as each day goes by and they no longer need me. I should rejoice. I have free time! I can get them to sit down and do something together, quietly, while I tackle a project. I don’t have a baby on my hip all. of. the. time.

    But I’m not rejoicing. In fact, I find myself grieving in a small way. If only they could stay little forever. If only.

  • crystal

    ….or you may THINK its your last one as I did so many years ago. Then found myself on a surgery table having my tubes reversed and now a new mommy to a 2 year old daughter. I did all those lasts with my son and here I am now doing them with my daughter.

  • JustJenna

    I just cried my eyes out. I had one baby not knowing it was my last, never having these “one last moments” because 5 months after I had my son I was hit by a semi truck and left bed bound in a hospital for two years. My mom had all my “Mama” moments. And now I can never have another child, so I will never know these joys. All of you who are so sad because it’s your last – consider how blessed you are that you had your firsts, your middles, and your finals. Because for some of us, we never even had the beginning.
    Beautiful journal entry and amazingly well written. I cried for myself but I cried for all of you too.

  • suicidalmummy

    I’m too sleep deprived to notice πŸ™ no 3 baby doesn’t sleep and it’s so hard. The shame and guilt about not enjoying this time will be overwhelming.

  • Susan Moore

    My youngest child is now 26, and just got married in November. I’m eagerly awaiting grandchildren, so, I can have that feeling back again. I still miss it!

  • Cate Bakos

    My first is my last. I enjoy every single day, every cuddle, every moment. No hand-me-downs and no sibling rivalry…. Just her and I. Cherishing every moment is what makes it so sweet. πŸ™‚

  • Stephanie

    Then will come a wonderful day when you are presented with your first grandchild and those emotions will come rushing back and you will cry because another miracle has just occurred in your life, you are a grandmother and get to experience it twice in your life. The joys of being a women

  • lorie

    I really didn’t feel any longing to be pregnant ever again. When I gave birth to our fourth son 14 years ago I was relieved to be done with childbirth, sorry, labour sucks….pregnancy was not bad for me but also not something I longed to do again. I loved my baby from day one, couldn’t get enough of him and he probably has had more attention than all three of his brothers combined, but… and this is a big but, I had no wish to have more babies. That urge to snuggle someone else’s newborne was gone, and I knew without a doubt my son was my last baby.
    I’m fine with not getting up at night for a crying baby. Now it’s waiting for my next to youngest to come home at night, and that’s a whole different story.:-)

  • Patricia Weatherman

    I loved this piece, but find that the joy extends ever outward. We are now enjoying 5 great grandchildren. Since we are living longer and staying fit (or at least trying) we can look forward to attending weddings and other special events of our children’s, children’s, children! Along with all the nieces, nephews, and other assorted baby relatives, we can keep our arms full for longer and longer (also rocking all the babies in the hospital’s special care units is a great way to get a fix.) I remember experiencing all of the feelings written about, but can truly say that introducing 8 year old twin boy great’s to the Nutcracker at Christmas and watching them believe that magic was happening right before them was wondrous. I can’t wait for Lion King!

  • Heather

    I just had my last baby 2 weeks ago. Wow this article hit me hard. πŸ™

  • Dan Copeland

    How do yoy know it’s your last?

  • Ashley

    This made me cry (in a good way)! I have four children….my oldest is 6 and my youngest, a three month old, is now teething already. I was just saying, literally an hour before I read this, that I wasn’t ready for her to cut teeth and start growing up. I’ve agreed outwardly to friends and family that she is our last, primarily because of societal pressure not to have “too many” kids, and of course there is the financial aspect. I’m also tired of pregnancy. And yet, I’m not quite sure I’m truly done. It IS so bittersweet, knowing that each now-familiar milestone is the last time.

  • Nicole

    Made me cry. I know those feelings all too well. My first is also my last, as I am unable to have more kids. All those feelings of this is the last time, and no more looking forward to this or that really hit hard. I’m learning to be patient at the hard moments, ice teaching math and handwriting, because I know I’ll never get those moments again. My husband says I baby our 8 year old, but to me she is my baby and I want to hold onto those moments for as long as I can even though I know I need to let her grow up. It is just so hard to let go of all those little things.

  • Kathy Carroll

    Thank you for sharing…I love this.I had one and he is 31 and talking children???Then I will feel those wonderful feelings.

  • upndnglo

    Oh, my heart! So true!

  • Cera

    I am pregnant with our last (4 boys 12,7,2 and due date in 2 weeks) my heart breaks thinking I will never have a girl but reading this made me realize that I just might get to be blessed with granddaughters one day and look forward to that! I know it won’t be the same but I look forward to the day!

  • Sheila

    And then you have grandchildren and it starts all over again!

  • Ryan

    You know, I made it through this, and it’s a good thing. It’s just that my last was born on New Years Day. She also died on New Years Day. My wife and I have had a hard time coming to grips with the fact that we won’t ever have another child. To the point, and I know this sounds odd, but a friend sent us a box of clothes for the new baby. The package was delivered on January 3rd, and we’ve not yet brought it inside. It’s still sitting under the stairway. I’ve thought often about the laughs we had on New Years Eve as she made fun of me, a “guys guy” in a house surrounded by women and how everything changed in 24 hours.

    Enjoy those lasts. Of course, as it’s been pointed out by quite a few commenters, with any luck, they’re not lasts, it’s just a 25 year break between diaper changes and 3am feedings.
    In any event,

    • Michelle Natali

      I am sorry for your loss. Hugs.

    • suburbanturmoil

      I’m so sorry, Ryan. Thinking of you and your wife.

  • Sarah

    I don’t mean to be a dampner on what was said, although I’m not sure I could be as it sounds pretty down anyway! My babies, no matter how old will always be just that. I’ll hold them and hug them no matter their age, I celebrate every single milestone they achieve, because lets be fair they never stop achieving, do they? What matters is that they’re are still here with me and I with them and each day is a new day packed full of new things! Celebrate what you have, and don’t dwell on the fact that they’re not babies anymore as that shouldn’t change a thing! It certainly hasn’t for me.

  • Kay

    My heart breaks as I read this. You see, my daughter had complication during the birth of her first and only child. She can no longer have any more babies. I think we will let him be a baby for a long time! And cherrish every moment. He will soon be 17 months old. Thank you for this story…

  • Dianne Pierce

    Angie I know all these feelings, but remember all the fun you have to look forward to with your Grandchildren and Great Grandchildren! Life goes on, and your going to enjoy every minute of it Honey!

  • Theresa Cashen Walker

    Oh yes…my youngest will be 15 in just a month…oldest is almost 23 and second child is 18. It is bittersweet with the youngest and I probably let him get away with things I wouldn’t have the older ones. I didn’t get rid of all the baby things…there were some items-blankets mostly, but it was hard to get rid of stuff. Well, on Valentine’s Day 2013, my son and his wife had a beautiful little girl. The feelings are back! She said “Nana” before she said Mama…and her face lights up when she sees me or her Papa and uncles. What a joy will return to you! <3

    So, baby things abound in our house again! Bottles, clothes, diapers, toys…she spends most weekends with us, so it's easier to keep things at our house. It's a treasure every day we spend with her and our boys

  • Alex

    The saddest part is when you didn’t know your first would be your last. As someone who is experiencing secondary infertility I didn’t think I would have only one chance. So I missed out on the chance to savour all the first time moments as the last time as well.

  • Helen

    I am saddened by this post, I have one child, I will only ever have one child, he is the result of IVF. I feel sad because, firstly why are you worrying about experiences being your last? Be grateful, be thankful everyday that you are a parent, don’t be sad because your baby is growing up and spreading wings, this is your job, your role, it’s a blessing, it’s actually a miracle! Do you know how this would make someone feel to read this post when they are just starting their 6 round of IVF treatment knowing that its their last chance at even trying to get as far as having a viable embryo to put back in? Let alone having all the hurdles and milestones of pregnancy to get through. You are parents, you are the wealthiest people alive, and it makes me sad of not a little bit angry that u feel so much self pity instead of celebrating that you got to do all those things at all, never mind doing them for the last time, please look at the positives instead of turning them into negatives!

    • suburbanturmoil

      As parents, we experience a range of emotions. Sometimes, I am SO GLAD to be done with the baby years and pregnancy- other times, I’m a little wistful that that time in my life is over. This blog post is representative of an emotion that we all feel from time to time, certainly not ALL of the time.

      I am glad that you were able to overcome your hurdles and experience being a parent as well.

    • Haven

      This article was not about self pity AT ALL – it was about cherishing the little things, not taking every day moments for granted. While I sympathize with your difficulties, I think they colored your comments in a negative way. Yes, there are hopeful people out there trying IVF for the 6th time, but there are also parents who are smack dab in the middle of toddler craziness or potty training that will benefit from reading this article. Each person’s story is valid, even if it’s not yours. There wasn’t a bit of the article that made me feel that the author was anything but grateful for her children and the experience of raising them.

  • LMH

    I loved the original article and comments identify with the joys of being a grandparent. (As for all the other comments–people amaze me.) I had only one child, so knew pretty much from the start he’d be my first, and last. I enjoyed and cherished every stage as much as possible. (I’m human, so often got in my own way, and his.) Mostly, these thoughts helped me understand why my sister had 6 children, and why my daughter-in-law (oldest of 6) really wants to have that many, but is trying to be practical and stay at 2. This is a new perspective for me, so thanks. (I have an urge to know why people do what they do and how they feel about it.:)

  • Iris Stewart

    As much as you miss all there first you can look forward to your grandchildren coming along and if your really luck your great grandchildren,and when you nussle up to their neck, all the feelings and love you had for your children will come rushing back, take it from me as I love every minute with my grandchildren xx

  • Joan

    this is all true, but wait until grandchildren arrive, there is no feeling like it….

  • lovethemallthesame

    Uh…..wouldn’t it be awesome if parents felt this way about EACH of their children?!? How sad that just because it is your last child it somehow means more?

  • LKB111

    Wait till all the baby teeth are gone. That’s when you know it’s over. πŸ™ (Mine are 7 and 9 and I still have a few rubber tipped spoons and sippy cups floating around. Eek.)

  • Nix

    Appreciate all you have people. Some of us can never experience the “primeval miracle of growing a baby inside your body” or “feel relief to have finally given birth, pride and joy in the healthy baby in your arms”. I don’t want to put a dampener on a lovely article but this makes difficult reading as I can’t give birth to a child myself. You are all lucky people to be able to have even one child and although I am sure you all do, please just take time to recognise that although it is difficult to think you will never experience those early days again, just spare a though for those that will never be lucky enough to experience them. xx xx

    eel
    relief to have finally given birth, pride and joy in the healthy baby
    in your arms – See more at:
    https://suburbanturmoil.com/the-last-one-3/2014/02/20/#sthash.aKgkYiTT.dpuf
    experience
    the primeval miracle of growing a baby inside your body. – See more at:

    https://suburbanturmoil.com/the-last-one-3/2014/02/20/#sthash.aKgkYiTT.dpuf
    experience
    the primeval miracle of growing a baby inside your body. – See more at:

    https://suburbanturmoil.com/the-last-one-3/2014/02/20/#sthash.aKgkYiTT.dpuf

    • Nix

      Sorry for last bit of post, not quite sure how that happened!!

      • Jane C

        I feel your pain. I never felt a baby grow inside my body, but through the miracle of adoption, he grew in my heart. And when the labor stories come out, I have them all beat. My ‘labor’ was over 3 years waiting to get that call !!!

    • Jamie

      My husband and I are going into our fifth IVF transfer next week (FET after three fresh and a frozen already) and I completely agree with you! We’ve lost two children so far, one in the 10th week to miscarriage and one at the end of the 6th due to ectopic (along with losing my left tube). I would give anything to be able to experience these “lasts”!

  • steph

    This is so true they grow so quick and when your last one leaves the home and there is just the two of you the feelings of an empty house that used to be full of laughter is so still at christmas is hard to but you know when your beautiful grandchildren come the joy they bring back is so beautiful and you feel alive again but you always wish your children were small again

  • Kate

    This was amazing! You brought me to tears, but I must say, it is a great reminder to those of us who still have toddlers to cherish the moments before it’s too late. Thanks for sharing!

  • gemini1171

    Its better to have those “times” slip away….than to have the child taken away forever

    .

  • Angela DePaoli Armstrong

    I have 4 children and a granddaughter who is now almost 10 she lives with me but it is incredible to look at her and see her daddy my first born son in her beautiful face all the memories flood back you never forget any feelings of each of your children. Its amazing to know that we created these lives.its wonderful being a mom and grandma. Thank you to my kids love you all so much

  • Rachael DeBruin

    What a great reminder today! …and then there’s the sometimes situations when you ‘think’ it’s the last one & go through all the good-byes…and then years later more come along πŸ˜‰ Now, I feel doubly accountable for enjoying those special last moments, and really trying NOT to take them for granted! Super easy to do with ‘firstborns’…

  • Amanda

    I too am sad at reading this as I know at this moment I am carrying my last child. Might I add that this baby was a complete surprise as my daughters are going to be 16 and 12 when this child joins us. But a miracle none the less. I pray I can savor and capture every moment given me… Then I hope to enjoy those grandchildren that some of you have mentioned.

  • Susan

    Every word is true, but the article focuses on those things you know will be gone, so you can put them off just a little longer if you want. What has always made me sadder is those things that are gone, but I never realized it until it was too late to appreciate the “last” time. I don’t remember the last time I spiked my son’s shampooed hair and held up a mirror for him to giggle at his reflection, the last time I carried my sleeping child in from the car and tucked him into bed, the last time he crawled into my lap, the last time I pushed him on a swing, the last time I helped him put on his shoes, and so many more. I miss those things, and wish so much that I had known it would be the last time.

  • Nancy

    Jamie…This is beautiful! There are a lot of lasts with your baby but enjoy them…Every last one of them. Each child teaches you different things, different ways to do things and different approaches to their wants and needs. Yes Grant was my last…but every day there is some he does that I never experienced with Erika…Some good, some bad. I wouldn’t trade it for the world. So, hold her a little more, kiss her a little more and play with her a little more…life will wait. Be in the moment!

  • amy

    I liked your blog post! I feel exactly the same way about my youngest child!

  • Lauren

    Unless you accidentally get knocked up again…surprise!

  • Linda Houck

    This brought tears to my eyes…but grandchildren do help, until they too begin to be “the last one.”

    • Jane C

      Then comes the ‘greats’!!!

  • Janet Shaw

    Made me cry. My last one is now 28 fighting for his life. The sweet memories is what you hang on to .

  • Dolby

    It’s only a jumble of emotions if you see it coming. If you’re like me and get divorced, never saw it coming.

  • Mary Umano Gallinger

    This brings tears to my eyes, my kids are 5, 2 and 1 month…. my newborn is starting to smile and it is the first of the last firsts….it is very bitter sweet.

  • SDmomof4

    Thank you for this post…as I sit reading this I cry…my 4th & last one is about 8 weeks old these weeks have gone so fast…it is different this time, truely knowing it is the last one πŸ™

  • guest

    Be thankful you get to have all those “last” moments. Those of us who are childless, not by choice, never even get the “firsts” Different perspective.

  • grumpy

    grumpy granda i love each one of my children two sons and a daughter they are grown up now i played with them took them to what ever event they took part in wich was many they changed there mind like changing there socks now its the gran kids turn i love them all and will continue to do whatever i can for them they are a joy and keep my wife and me young cherish every moment you get

  • ERK

    I tried not to ever think that each of my 3 babies would be my last. I wanted to have more. I still to this day wish I had had more babies – especially when I see my children that have grown up to be the most amazing, well adjusted and loving adults. The world deserved more like them. Their dad and I didn’t do anything that most other parents around us did back then but for some reason we scored big time. And now we have 3 β€œtake my breath away” grandsons and another on the way and I struggle to put into words the joy Gord and I get every day from these grandchildren and can’t wait to meet the one to come. We are reliving the experience but this time watching through the eyes of our children and the wonderful spouses they so wisely and luckily found to share their lives with. Being a parent is a privilege and an honor and being a grandparent is like every wish we made when blowing out our birthday candles coming true. It is the reward for growing old!!!!
    Thank you Jeff Douglas Janessa Cameron Dunkerton Stephanie Schweigert Nita Blaik Cameron Jolee Dunkerton Erik Schweigert
    A few seconds ago Β·

  • kitty

    Being a parent, then grandparent, and the great grandparent… we could just say being a part of a family with little ones is a constantly satisfying and sad time. I cherish each milestone but realize with each they gather is another I am putting behind me….sweet sadness.

  • Eileen O’BRIEN

    So very true. My last child was a girl after having 2 boys. She is now married and 9 months ago put my first grand daughter in my arms. I have 5 beautiful grandsons. So since I watch her full time I DO have the kids spoons and bottles and sippy cups ….toys…..baby food and lots of other baby stuff. I loved being a Mom and being a Grandma is awesome!!!!!!!

  • cjnall

    After the pain of the empty nest comes the awesome joy of being a grandparent. this must be a reward as it is so good.

  • Laurie

    sob! I was still in the hospital after giving birth and telling my husband that i was ready to do it all again β™₯

  • Michelle Renee Mueller

    Feeling this as my daughter is six now and will be seven this year. No more training wheels as of last year, her own opinon on everything. Picking out her clothes and how she wants her hair cut. My heart breaks a little more each day knowing that soon she will be moving onto chapter books, like my son whom is eight, also coloring inside of the lines instead of outside of them. Soon no more watching her get such joy out of bubbles.

  • mkc

    Oh this is so my life, my Beautiful boys are 23, and almost 18 and I feel as if my heart is being torn out threw my chest. Please say it gets better. It has to. I love my boys so much I don’t want to let them go.

  • Susan

    I feel sad now, even though my baby is now 5 and in full time school and im VERY aware that she’s always been my last (she’s number 4) I cried on her first day at school (I’d previously sniggered at mums crying but fully felt the wave of desertion that day) my youngest is my absolute princess and seems to do no wrong – I’m sure it’s not rose tinted glasses…ahhhhh they grow up so quick!

  • Amanda Long Lemke

    I also take a spin on this and think of all the exciting adventures to come now that we are complete. My “last” baby was born one year ago Feb. 15th. I just emptied out her bib drawer and saved a few memorable ones….but now I look forward to the trips our family will take, when they are older, and our memories we’ll make. I try not to look at a finale of having babies around, but an appreciation for the new times ahead. And let me just add, I don’t miss the projectile vomiting! LOL πŸ™‚

  • Mid Nite

    Richard, you are a rare breed in a man. Your wife is lucky. Your daughter is lucky. And so is your grandchild.

  • anna

    thank you for this wonderful blog I cried halfway through and read it all over again, I too had my last one and she is at that stage……

  • Nonya Bidness

    All of your comments are making me cry. I would give anything to just have one child, let alone, a last one. You’re all very lucky.

    • Jane C

      I feel your pain…..it took us 8 years before we were blessed with a child through adoption. God had a special plan for us and perhaps he does for you too!!

    • Jamie

      Going into our 5th transfer this coming week, my husband and I feel the same way. <3 We've lost one to miscarriage in the 10th week from our first IVF and another to ectopic from our 3rd fresh cycle (4th transfer)- and I lost my left tube in the process. Most people just don't know how lucky they are. I don't know how much longer we can do this. We've spent all our savings, sold our house and spent that, and have gone into major debt. I'd give anything to experience these "lasts".

  • Maria

    This is so true!! You hate and love to see your children grow up. You hate the fact of not having them little and saying the cutest things, but you see them growing up into responsible adults which is also satisfying. My girls are now 21 and soon to be 19.My God, I would do anything to turn their clocks back for MY selfishness, but I know that could never happen. So I patiently await to become a grandmother (NO RUSH ON THAT!!) My mother told me when I had my 1st daughter…she said ” I love my children, but I love my grands more” I said..”gee, thanks mom” she said..”it’s a different kind of feeling that you’ll see when you become a grandmother” So.. I wait πŸ™‚

  • mdonguyen

    My last one born on August 1, 1971! She is dearly beloved! She is always my baby until the day I no long on earth!

  • Jane C

    You don’t always know it’s your last. Our ‘first’ became our ‘only’ when we realized we couldn’t afford to adopt again. He’s my life and I cherished and enjoyed every moment, without knowing it was also my last. I’ll get more memories to cherish someday when there are grandchildren, if he so desires. If not, I have TONS of nieces, nephews, great nieces, great nephews, and even a great great niece,,,,,,and I’m not even 50 yet!!!! πŸ™‚

  • Eddie

    Enjoy the little things for one day you will look back and realize they were big things.

  • sam

    this brought tears to my eyes I can so relate to this my son is now 16 the last of 4 children with his 3 sister long gone with children of their own I try every day to keep him my baby these days are growing shorter so fast

  • Reader

    I don’t relate to this at all. I have 6 little ones. With my last one I did TONS of Mommy and Me classes because I finally had time (when the others were all at preschool or school). I did all the stuff I wanted to do with the others but didn’t because life was too hectic. The last one gets a good deal! All those experiences in the first 3 years DO matter to the growing brain. To say he won’t remember it is beside the point. He started preschool at age 15 months and my house was quiet for a few hours while I worked on laundry. And I HAPPILY put stuff aside to sell as he outgrew it, very ready to be done with the baby stage. I never thought I wanted him to stay little forever. Every day I can’t wait for them to get older and more independent. Having the last one is a momentous event, and it’s been a joy to leave pregnancy behind forever and to know I survived.

  • I teared up as I read this. And now feeling so wistful whenever I look at or think about my youngest. She’s only 7 months now… but oh what happened to those 7 months? I keep her close to me as often as I can, because I may never be able to sniff, cradle and snuggle a little one in this way again.

  • donna

    very true! my last one is 5 yrs old now πŸ™

  • Grandma Jill

    The last of my nine grandchildren is now three. This made me cry as I will have no other grandchildren to baby. But wait, I intend to live forever, so there will be great grandchildren for me to help raise and to love xx

  • Melanie Batten

    oh WOW I’m almost crying reading this….its a big year in our house, our oldest is turning 14 in June (officially “into” the teen years) #2 is turning 9 (last year of single digits) & my “baby” will be 4 in just a few short weeks & I’m really feeling the sense of loss….when did my babies grow up????

  • Dale Styles

    I have 8 grand kids, age from 2 month to 17 years and it just keeps getting better and better.

  • Tracy Park

    I can say it only gets better each and every stage. I love seeing my children grow up and now I would never do back

  • ladybugmom

    My daughter Paige, my youngest and last, turned 6 today. This just made my heart ache. I hope someday I will be a grandma!

  • Donna Boyd

    How very sad πŸ™ I wish there could always be babies and toddlers in my house….as difficult as they are to raise I think that they are the best when they are still small

  • Odetta Berg

    SHUT UP! My lastborn is 4! This brings me to tears it’s so true!!!!

  • Love Jones

    Well if you want my last one you can have him!!! I promise youll return in 10 mins and you’ll realize your kids growing up is a good thing!!! Lol

  • Susan Hubbard

    I was just going to say, until you have grandchildren! Then all those feeling come back in a different way. It is wonderful being a Grandma also!

  • Kristen Lucas Watson

    this made me cry πŸ™

  • GGMa

    And then — there are Great-Grandchildren and you once again have rubber-tipped spoons and sippy cups in your cupboards!! Oh the blessing of our children live on forever!!

  • SilverGuardian

    This is so sweet, although I’d write it differently. Living next door to grandchildren and step grandchildren and getting to occasionally even have a great-grandchild overnight, I have never stopped loving every new development in the lives of little ones. But although most of my grandchildren are themselves grown up and having their own babies … it is still precious to me, when one of them calls to ask for help, or sits down to share a problem with me. My favorite call for help recently, was when one of my granddaughters told me that she made her first batch of pickles, but was afraid to try canning them without having someone there to guide her, first. She lives over a thousand miles from me, but I find myself yearning with much excitement to let it be me! I never taught my kids to can, but would love to teach a grandchild!. She may find someone else to help her, but at least I was able to give some reassuring. I don’t in fact ever recall feeling despair at the children abandoning picture books, but perhaps that is because my oldest daughter was reading encyclopedias by age 3. I have always instead had to focus on trying to keep UP with their ever changing needs and interests. And I still love it.

  • Terry

    .Yep all that is true but ,with any luck, you then become proud grandparents and get to experience so many of these fantastic things again . We have four amazing grandchildren , love them all to bits and as a bonus we’ve still got our children and gained two wonderful sons in law too πŸ™‚

  • cfingram

    And then comes the grandbabies! πŸ™‚ I don’t think I’m going to miss being pregnant, with four kids of my own, I’m hoping ONE of them will have a baby for me to spoil and love πŸ™‚

  • Nana16

    The Lord blessed my husband and I with 6 beautiful children. Now I am a widow pushing 80, and my 16 grandchildren and 6 Great grandchildren (more on the way) guarantee that the love we shared goes on.

  • AB

    This made me cry because my first is also my last πŸ™ I wish I had read this when I was pregnant because there are things I already miss. I can’t wait to pick him up from childcare. I wish I could be with him everyday….

  • Jenn

    My daughter turns 1 a week from today. She is our last and the youngest of 4. Tears rolling down my face.

  • schmidlap

    As a read this, memories came flooding back, as our “babies” are now almost 32 years old (twins) and also have two older children. I remember making a list of pros and cons on having another baby when our oldest two were 10 & 12…..and we decided to have “one more”…which turned out to be boy & girl twins….what a blessing. We now have 9 grandchildren and care for 2 of them several days a week, but mostly a 3 1/2 yr old boy who is the love of my life. Being a grandparent is such a different love from being a parent, but I cannot compare the love I feel for my children vs grandchildren. Sometimes I think my heart will explode with grandkid love. While we mourn the loss of “baby” as our children age, may the love you have for your grandchildren keep you going. We are also adopted “nana & grandpa” to our some of our grandkids’ cousins and we love that, too.

  • I can totally relate to this with my now 4-year old. Part of me rejoices in tossing the stuff that will no longer be used and another part mourns it so much…

  • aproudmom

    I only have one son and I (with a broken heart) have to face the fact that he is probably our only one. So all these first and lasts are just that lasts. I loved being pregnant, changing diapers, getting up in the night and everything that comes along with being a mom. It’s hard for me to face 6this fact but I also cherish every moment of everyday that he is here and he is mine.

  • Donna Leclaire

    And then you become a Grandparent!

  • Lehua

    You penned this SO brilliantly! I cried reading this entire post, as my youngest is 19 months and from day 1 of knowing this little creature was growing inside me, I was overjoyed and sad at the same time with the thought that every one of his firsts was my last. I struggle with this thought on a daily basis, wondering if I made the right decision (and knowing daily that yes, I did!). I truly felt the essence of what you wrote in this post and I thank you for eloquently writing about what is, for me, a difficult subject. Thank you!

  • Pamela Kauffman

    Grandchildren are God’s compensation for the poignant pain of your own last baby. This post resonated with me and brought it all back – giving birth at 47 to baby number five and knowing beyond doubt that he truly was the last one. But life has its blessings, This year that last baby turns 15 and my yooungest granddaughter turns 1. Babysitting her is a joy and a gift to make up for the babies I won’t be having myself anymore.

  • Guest

    Find this whole article very negative and depressing. You should be concentrating on enjoying the moments, not mourning the fact they are the “last”.

  • Sweetnurse

    So true!

  • Erin @ Girl Gone Veggie

    What a beautiful post! And I don’t even have kids yet. Thank you for sharing this r

  • Sharon

    This was priceless! Idaretobehappy.com

  • Kirby

    As someone with fertility problems and struggling to have one child I find this piece in kind of bad taste to people in my situation….

  • Ryan casey

    Thanks Dr.kizzekpe for your kind help, You have done what other spell casters could not do for me i am so very happy for my lost joy which you have just recovered for me within 48 hours after you casted the spell on my ex whom i thought would never come back to me. I am so grateful to you for you are really powerful and genuine and i will always continue to share this testimony on the internet till the whole world know about you.Here is his email if you are also in need of his help kizzekpespells@outlook.com

  • Bekar Joe

    Hi My name is “BEKAR JOE” just want to share my experience with the world on how i got my love back and saved my marriage.because i really love SONNIA so much that i can not even do without. I was married for 15years with lilian and 2kids and we lived happily until things started getting ugly and we had fights and arguments almost every time… it got worse at a point that she filed for divorce… I tried my best to make her change her mind & stay with me cause i loved her with all my heart and didn’t want to loose her but everything just didn’t work out… she moved out of the house and still went ahead to file for divorce… I pleaded and tried everything but still nothing worked. The breakthrough came when someone introduced me to this wonderful, great spell caster who eventually helped me out… I have never been a fan of things like this but just decided to try reluctantly cause I was desperate and left with no choice… He did special prayers and used roots and herbs… Within 7 days she called me and was sorry for all the emotional trauma she had cost me, moved back to the house and we continue to live happily, the kids are happy with us. I have introduced him to a lot of couples with problems across the world and they have had good news… Just thought I should share my experience cause I strongly believe someone out there need’s it… You can email him via (Ultimatespellcast@yahoo.com or ultimatespellcast@gmail.com) Don’t give up just yet, the different between “Ordinary” & “Extra-Ordinary” is the “Extra” so make extra effort to save your marriage/relationship if it’s truly worth it.call him +2348156885231,

  • Kellij1977

    You never know what life will bring. I said I was done at 3, my ex-husband got fixed and God laughed, I now have 8 with expectations of being done with #9 (Mama isn’t getting any younger), but we will see what God has in mind. With so many, grandbabies are around the corner so I will pack baby gear away for their visits and stays. Not that I will let the ‘last’ ones moments slip away, they escape so quickly as it is. I also know the alone time with my husband will be treasured.

  • Granma

    Nothing like your own babies…until that baby has a baby…most precious thing in the world is your baby’s baby. I have one of each..and several friend grand children..who now have great grand children I can’t wait to hold…beautiful story..but it just gets better…signed..Granma

  • Kristie

    Pretty sure this article just convinced me to have a third child. I read it out loud to my husband and his response was “we’re definitely not done, let’s have one or two more”.

  • Heather

    This was such a beautiful piece. It’s so hard and yet so wonderful to watch your child grow, and I just had to share the similar feelings you inspired me to write about when experiecing this with having an only child: http://www.oneeggnest.wordpress.com

  • DO YOU NEED HELP TO GET PREGNANT OR SOLVE INFERTILITY PROBLEM

    I am Sandra Jeffrey from Los Angeles, California, I have been trying for 5years to get pregnant and needed help! i have Been going to the doctors but still nothing. The doctor said that me and my husband are fine and I don’t know where else to turn. Until one day my friend introduce me to this great spell caster who helped her to get back her lost husband back with love spell and also made her pregnant, So I decided to contact this spell caster Dr Brave on his EMAIL:bravespellcaster@gmail.com after interaction with him he instructed me on what to do, after then i should have sex with the my husband or any man I love in this world, And i did so, within the next one months i went for a check up and my doctor confirmed that i am 2weeks pregnant of two babies. I am so happy!! if you also need help to get pregnant or need your ex back please contact his email address: EMAIL:bravespellcaster@gmail.com or through His web address http://enchantedscents.tripod.com/lovespell/ As HE did it for me, I am now a mother of twins. He will also do it for you. THANKS.

  • Mel

    My youngest is 4 1/2 and just started school in September. While my husband and I have never decided that she is our last we are well aware that she probably is. I was happy to see the diapers go and I was glad to see most of the clothes go (they’d been through 3 girls!). I posted the stroller for sale today finally but I still just can’t let go of the crib.

  • Alice

    This article made me so sad! I am just on my first baby at the moment (we plan to have 3, but I always wonder if I will be sad and lonely without the 4th). Honestly, I too take solace in the fact that I will someday be a grandparent – but, my mother only really gets to see our child about once or twice a week (she lives 3 hours away). I get to wake up with the baby every day. I figure my sons may marry women who may want to stay at home with their children so…I wonder if I will be relegated to just once or twice a week myself. Not sure. I guess I’ll have my career back at that point – but it will never compare to waking up with a sweet angel every day. Maybe I’ll feel differently when I’m older.

  • Maytina Lorraine

    My last will be 6 in March and I can hardly stand how fast they grow! Her older siblings grew just as fast, I know, but I didn’t notice it the way I notice it with her. Thank you for this. I am totally bawling.

  • Amanda

    I lost my first born to cancer age 15 boy , my second born to anencephally i was 5 months pregnant. GIRL
    My third child boy. Is 16 now so all he does in life is my first and last moments. So my youngest is my eldest. My miracle. Xx

  • Amanda

    I lost my first born to cancer age 15 boy , my second born to anencephally i was 5 months pregnant. GIRL
    My third child boy. Is 16 now so all he does in life is my first and last moments. So my youngest is my eldest. My miracle. Xx

  • Pingback: When Your First is Your Last: The Poignant Realities of Raising an Only Child – Rhythm of the Days()