>The Martina Incident
>Friday started out so innocently.
I had taken my two little ones to a preschool nature class. After the outdoor activities, we all went inside to make safari hats out of paper plates and bowls. I was glad I had brought my camera because look! Bruiser is ambidextrous! Or as my elementary school classmates called it, evenhanded!
Punky also was having a great time decorating her hat, but as I took pictures of her, I noticed something peculiar.
There was a woman in the background of my shots who looked strangely… familiar. I put down my camera and looked at her.
Oh yes it was.
I’m still not sure what all the fuss was about. I thought the column was harmless, and seriously had no idea Martina would be offended by it. Apparently though, I was wrong, because that is how McToiletgate was born.
And now? Martina herself was staring me in the face over a table full of children.
And she didn’t look happy.
I began thinking of what I would say if she confronted me.
“I did flush, you know,” I imagined her telling me contemptuously. “The plumbing wasn’t working properly that day.”
“It worked fine for me,” I’d answer sheepishly.
Or maybe I’d try to reconcile…
“Look, Martina can’t we just hug it out? I really loved Independence Day…”
Or my favorite standby…
“No speak-o English-o.”
But the Concrete Angel didn’t speak. Instead, her piercing blue eyes branded my very soul. I grimaced and looked down at my kids.
“Are you done with your hat, Punky?” I murmured.
She was.“Then let’s get the Helen, Georgia out of here.” We quickly abandoned the craft table for the play area outside, where Punky happily chilled with her new homies.
Alarmed, he watched her approach…
…terror plainly visible in his eyes.
And as we fled, it occurred to me that this town is way too small.
>She was running because she just left a big old dook and didn’t flush. She wasn’t running towards you. She was running away from THE EVIDENCE.
>If you had the guts to write it, you should have the guts to stand by it.
>Thanks for the advice, anonymous. This post was actually a joke. 🙂 Although obviously, I did see her.
>I just caught up on the whole incident. OMG! That was hilarious! I bow to thee!
>Haha hilarious! I remember the original post had me in tears. You should have re-introduced yourself as if nothing ever happened! I wonder if she’d mention the poo scandal……..
>I don’t know… from the looks of it, she’s taking a picture of you — so you may want to watch your back, as it looks like Martina’s running recon on YOU.
>I’m so disappointed… I just woke up and quickly read the headline as “the martian incident”… I kept looking at the pictures for something odd… in the 2nd and third pictures, it almost looks like Punky has 3 arms (although one is wearing a pink shirt)…good story anyway- even if there are no martians- just Martinas.
>I do love me some Martina and it’s nice to know she’s just as human as the rest of us. However, I think she also owes us the courtesy of a post here on your site to clear the air and then y’all can hang out! Cause I would totally like to do a duet with Martina. And you. Oh, that would be a 3some 🙂
>This is just the funniest story ever! With all the celeb gossip out there if I were Ms. McBride if that was all someone could say about me that was indeed offensive then geeze I would be doing pretty damn good. & I agree with another blogger who said that Ms. McBride or the other women Robin should re-read your first post becuase it is more then obvious that you are praising Ms. McBride for being a true blue down to earth celeb. I am sure if Martina is really a down to earth person she would laugh at this & take if for what it is. Good Job! I love your blog!
>So funny! I would have been dying, but I also wouldn’t have the guts to write what you write anyway. She looks kinda peeved and she does look like she’s taking a pic of you.
>It appears to me she is taking a picture of you! Watch your back Lindsay!
>HAHA. You have a celebrity stalker. Now there’s a first.
>It was like a dueling-picture battle! I wonder how her shots turned out….?
>Oh, the horror!
>Although I remember the whole incident, I’m just mostly impressed that you go to children’s events that are frequented by celebs! 🙂
>ok, I’m confused. I thought this was a funny post w/ a look-a-like Martina. You REALLY saw her???
>Yep. It is really and truly her.
>Now THAT’S funny! 🙂
>somehow I forgot how witty and funny and brilliant your posts were. my memory’s back now 🙂
>Hysterical! I like how she was taking your picture while you were taking her picture! Classic!
>LOL. I love Martina but she is as human as the rest of us. She should just laugh it off…it really isn’t that big of a deal…I can think of a lot worse things other celebs have been caught in the act.
>That’s great! I wonder if your picture will be in her family album now!
>Dang, girl. You sure don’t mind stirring some shit. Heh.
>Too funny:-)
>yes, a celebrity stalker! hahahahahahahaha.
>This is hilarious, and yes, I would have run away too.
>Bruiser’s ambidextrious? Baseball will be looking for him, but I digress.My bona fides for what follows: I did corporate investigative work for a spell of my career. In that guise, I’ve been to Nashville once (for three hours on a records search that had nothing to do with music). While not being a big CW music fan (a comment that is probably rank heresy with many of your readers, if not your esteemed self), I recognize many of the big names therein.That said…who the horsefeathers is Martina McBride?
>Oh rats! I wish you had let her catch up to you! I wonder if she had something to say to you – I bet it would have been polite because all the kids were around.
>Was she taking photos of Punky, too? Looks like her camera was aimed in her direction!Kristina
>AAAAHAHAHAHAHAHA!! I totally remember that story. From the looks of those pictures she was taking shots of you… to use for later:) That is hilarious. The woman who just sang at the CMA’s… wow.
>HAHAHA you know,I was going to ask you if you had been personally invited to the CMAs…thought twice and didn’t. Damn, I missed an opportunity to be funny……Anonymous is a tool 🙂
>the first anonymous…the second post…sorry other anonymie
>TOO funny. When Martinagate first happened I wrote u sayng that last August I trashed a friend who hosted the Beckhams. My friend’s asst called me and I agreed to take it down and he agreed to invite me to all the Bev Hills parties this friend has every year.He didnt.So I went back in and put all the stuff back in that I had taken out, which was mainly about her over the top plastic surgery and garrish house. (she’s more an acquantance than a BFF)(Especially now)So he just wrote me cause he found the updates!! He said now I would never get invited to ANY parties in BH because of this. BH is so last decade. I’m spending Thanksgiving in Malibu, on the ocean. Take THAT!
>If it makes you feel any better, I didn’t get invited to any Beverly Hills parties, either.
>I did, they were fabulous.
>Haha that’s hilarious! I didn’t even know about ToiletGate and couldn’t figure out why you were being stalked by Martina … but now it’s all so clear!
>I find it touching that Martina McBride is actually at a nature center with her children. I would imagine most celebs would send a nanny or assistant with their kids.That said it does look as though she is filming you!
>Hmmmm…judging from that last pic, I'd say B seems more concerned about Mommy's mental state than the nice lady that's making Mommy so nervous. Like maybe he's starting to wonder which way he should run… HA! Kid'n.Maybe Martina's starting her own blog, featuring people who blog about her. If comments count, I'm next!BTW, skunkfeathers, you convinced me that you're not a big fan of "CW" just by calling it "CW"…as in "Country & Western," I presume…as in "what country music fans stopped calling it about 25 years ago." : ) But that's OK…bless your heart. It's hard to keep up with the (relatively) new folks; guess that explains Nashville's preference for importing "pre-famed" celebrities from L.A. rather than creating our own. And to answer your question, "MM" is one of the greatest vocalists in music (and not just "CW"–er, country). "Even better" than Kid Rock, who proved that if you rip off ONE song, Nashville hates you…but if you rip off TWO songs at once, Music City will welcome you with open arms! R.I.P. Warren Zevon.
>OMG. It does look like she’s taking a picture of me, doesn’t it? I BET MARTINA IS STARTING HER OWN BLOG.
>I can’t believe you hob-nob at places where Martina McBride would be! That is amazing to me. I live in Houston, and there’s not a lot of celebs I could bump into out here in the burbs.Still remember the no flush story made me laugh. I’m a big fan of hers, but I have to admit, I thought about it the next time I heard “This one’s for the girls…”
>You can swear you only tinkledAfter going number twoAnd anyone who knew would never tellFlush it anywayYou can say you’re saving waterOr maybe saving timeAnd no one cares what you leave behindFlush it anywayFlush it anywaaaaaay…(If I had a job I’d be concerned that I might be wasting time here; as it is, maybe I should be concerned about making my current status permanent…but when inspiration strikes…. I did mention how great MM is in reality, right?).
>Oh dear.
>Mark Kelly Hall you just became my hero. I swear I was starting to think that no one else in the world realized that Kid Rock ripped of WoL in addition to the obvious rip of that every hillbilly can recognize (and by the way, doesn’t seem to mind).That song ticks me off almost as much as thinking about how Coolio got mad at Wierd Al for making a parody out of Gangster’s Paradise. NEWSFLASH COOLIO – you ripped that song off from Stevie Wonder who did it about a million times better than you.Whew, that’s a load off!
>It would suck to have someone famous get mad because of some silly thing you wrote. I hope that never happens to me.*cough*
>@suefromnc”the first anonymous…the second post…sorry other anonymie”Huh??(7:55 Anon who only posted once. Jokingly.)
>Does anyone else find the second post here a bit ironic?WTF?
>Looks like Martina is stalking you. while that must have been very embarassing she needs to get over it. Why was she taking a picture of you?Yeah your town is small.