>This Just In…
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Noted Scientists Discover Center of the Universe in Tennessee
PASADENA, Calif.– In a stunning reversal of theories widely accepted by the world’s top astronomical experts, planetary scientists at the California Institute of Technology now say they have pinpointed the exact location of the center of the universe to the brain of an unidentified 15-year-old girl in Tennessee. Scientists used the Samuel Oschin Telescope at Palomar Observatory to make their discovery, Caltech researcher Mike Lee announced today.
“The universe’s center will be visible by high-powered telescope over the next three years, at which time it will almost certainly move to the girl’s younger sister,” says Lee, who made the discovery with colleagues Steven Trujillo, of the Gemini Observatory, and David Markowitz, of Yale University, on February 7.
The teen’s stepmother, speaking on condition of anonymity, said the discovery didn’t surprise her. “She’s been making a lot of demands lately,” the stepmother admitted. “Take me here, buy me this, I know everything, yadda, yadda, yadda. I’m just glad these scientists found an explanation for her behavior.”
Lee and Trujillo first photographed their discovery with the 48-inch Samuel Oschin Telescope on November 31, 2005. However, the teenager’s iPod interfered with the satellite technology used to determine her exact location. Her positioning was not detected until researchers reanalyzed the data in February of this year. In the last two months, the scientists have been studying the teen to better estimate the impact her hormonal mood swings could have on the universe as a whole.
The teen is said to be healthy, although researchers worry about the potential effect her voracious appetite for ice cream and Doritos could have on the planets’ orbital paths. They have suggested a precautionary diet rich in calcium and spinach, to which the teen allegedly replied, “Whatever, dudes.”
>omg lucinda that was so funny! i’m still laughing.
>Hehe, and here I was, thinking the centre of the universe was in London, inside my really annoying boyfriend’s brain (Or was it he that thinks it..). Being in Virginia, I much prefer knowing it’s so close. I feel almost famous now.
>You are one amazingly creative chica! That is too funny.
>OMG – you totally had me going. I was thinking, Seriously? Tennessee is the center of the universe?This is so funny! I can so relate, too. What is with teenagers and ice cream and Doritos? We have that going on here now plus the deal where The Boy refuses to drink Coke now – he’s a Pepsi man suddenly. I can only imagine what it’ll be like when my girls get in the scope. I’m hoping you’ll post about a light at the end of the tunnel! HA!!
>A laugh RIOT!
>Very funny. CCOngrats on the Bob award.
>It’s good to see that you’re embracing those teen years with the only effective tool a mother can arm herself with for such a predicament…a SENSE OF HUMOR!Help me have one in a few years when mine get to that age, ‘mkay?
>That is awesome, Lucinda. By far the funniest desciption of teenage ego-centrism that I’ve read EVER.
>That’s impossible – how can there be more than one center of the universe when it also belongs to my son?! I wonder if we put the two of them together if they would create some kind of black hole of self-importance or something like that.
>So true! As an adult, I can look back and see that now. But try to pass this on to my kids and no-ho way-hey. I guess, we all get our turn being the centre of the universe AND the being the very bottom of the feeding chain.
>Hysterical! You are too funny!
>Do they make calcium enriched Doritos? Hey, maybe you’re on to something… 😉
>there’s a problem with that?i need some cheetos
>studies are now showing there may be more than ONE center of the universe….I know at least 5-10 centers of the universe personally!
>Ahhh yes. And the boy who’s life sucks like a giant black hole is located in Texas. And who just thought space was the final frontier…
>And the King Of The World (aka, The Boss Of Everybody) is actually only one and a half years old, and resides in Los Angeles, where its only sunny when he wants it to be.
>You have GOT to frame this and give it to her on her 21st birthday!
>I think there is a black hole over NZ where the 13 and 17 year old centres of the universe resides.
>It is really quite amazing how you are able to creatively tell a trivial everday tale into an marvelously written editorial piece! haha! You are indded a creative wonder, Lucinda! I enjoyed this post, again 🙂
>You vely, vely clevah gul, Lucinda!
>Usually I really question those Cal Tech scientists since I often see them getting hammered at Burger Continental on $1 beers. But this sounds like the real deal. Really.
>Lucinda, Lucinda, Lucinda. You’re killing me here.
>wow, it’s a credit to your stepmothering skills that at least the teen will reply. My memory of this stage is a raised eyebrow, a contemptuous sneer and a fiercely silent pirouette out of the room – and that was just me… my kids are going to be so much better at it, I just know it!
>And here I thought you’d stooped so low as to post a Reuters article on your blog. I assure you, yesterday I stooped even further by posting an email forward. God, I hate Fridays.As to the lovely article you posted, I’m convinced that the center of the universe is constantly changing locations, an Earthly black hole if you will, to the locales of hormonal teens everywhere.
>I am in awe! bravo!of course, I am also a bit scared too . . . hoping the center of the universe doesn’t shift to WA in the next 2 years creating a vast black hole in DD’s bedroom . . .
>Oh, Lucinda. You crack me up. I loved that…
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