I'm Lindsay Ferrier, a Nashville writer with a passion for family travel, exploring Tennessee, and raising kids without losing my mind in the process. This is where I share my discoveries, along with occasional deep thoughts, pop culture tangents and a sprinkling of snark. Want to get in touch? Use the CONTACT form at the top of the page.
August 4, 2007
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Surely you’ve heard the news by now: Fisher Price is recalling nearly a million toys manufactured with excessive amounts of lead in the paint. Like any good mommy, after I read the story online, I clicked on the link to the recalled toys and scrolled through pictures of the affected products.
“Gee,” I snorted to myself. “Good thing we’ve ixnayed most of the Dora and Sesame Street crap out there because…” I stopped. Wait a second. Was that our Bert and Ernie bath toy, the one Punky had played with for the last two years?!
I held my breath and kept scrolling, only to find three Dora figurines I’d purchased a few years ago from the Dollar Tree. At the time, I had celebrated my frugality. Dora, Boots and Swiper for three bucks? Now that’s what I’m talking about. Staring at them on the recall page, though, I silently cursed myself. Of course they in the bargain bin! They were, like, covered in lead or something!
I tried to stay calm, but I’ll admit, it wasn’t easy. It was late (as usual) and I was tired (as usual) and all of the horrible things lead paint can do to a person began swirling through my mind as I stared, slackjawed, off into the distance. Actually, I’m not sure what lead paint can do to a person; I just know it’s very, very bad and probably involves an iron lung.
I was near tears when I got to the bottom of the recall page. Damn that lead paint. Damn everything! I’d throw out every toy we had with paint on it just as soon as I woke up in the morning. All we’d have left would be a set of wooden building blocks, but whatever. We’d start over. We’d.. we’d… make our own toys out of sticks and rocks. We’d become the Luddites of the toy industry, returning to a time when kids could harm themselves with their toys the old fashioned way, like poking an eye out. None of this paint business for us.
In the meantime, though, I could at least get some money out of our dire situation. I clicked ‘yes’ on a section asking if my toys were purchased before May of this year. Another screen popped up.
YOU ARE NOT AFFECTED BY THE RECALL.
Huh?
It took a moment for the truth to sink in. Life could resume as normal. I wouldn’t have to move the kids to Switzerland for its fresh air and hearty cheese, after all. Instead, they could stay right here in smog-domed suburbia, playing with their crappy plastic toys to their hearts’ content.
Once again, I had skirted imminent danger and possible death and destruction without even leaving my home.
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