I'm Lindsay Ferrier, a Nashville writer with a passion for family travel, exploring Tennessee, and raising kids without losing my mind in the process. This is where I share my discoveries, along with occasional deep thoughts, pop culture tangents and a sprinkling of snark. Want to get in touch? Use the CONTACT form at the top of the page.
May 29, 2014
Another season has passed and I realized that it was high time for me to check in once again on the good men and women of Restoration Hardware.
A quick look through one of Restoration Hardware’s telephone book-sized catalogs makes it clear that their designers and stylists clearly have one well-manicured finger placed firmly on the pulse of the average American citizen, and nowhere is this more evident than in the pages of Restoration Hardware Baby and Child.
See for yourselves what the typical Restoration Hardware family is up to:
When Peony told her friends that her dearest wish was for little Ochre to grow up in a world that was colorblind, they had no idea she’d meant it quite literally.
“Because a real bed would completely spoil your room’s aesthetic,” Aerie replied. “Suck it up, darling.”
Millbrook fondly remembered the private cabin his parents rented and furnished for him each year at sleepaway camp. “Mum made absolutely sure I’d never have to sleep amongst filthy strangers on a creaky metal bunkbed,” he reminisced.
In order to ensure that baby Élysée got the best possible academic head start, Prudence skipped board books altogether and instead spent hours reading aloud child-friendly classics like The Brothers Karamazov.
“My pediatrician warned against having blankets and pillows in Emma’s crib,” Weesie confided to her friends. “But these looked so fabulous on my nursery vision board that I decided to just take my chances!”
“My dear, are you sure that simply leaning this mirror against the nursery wall is safe?” Lois gasped. Phaedra glowered at her interfering mother-in-law. It was high time for her bi-annual grandchild visits to be severely reduced.
“I’ve done the best I could with this dorm room,” Devyn told a high school friend over the phone, “but it’s still a hovel, any way you cut it.”
Ferne learned the hard way why floor lamps are rarely used in baby nurseries. A year later, she and her husband are still paying off Milo Jr.’s hospital bills.
Carlotta glared at her son. “It means that you are sophisticated and have good taste,” she said. “Although frankly, I’ve begun to suspect otherwise.”
Sugie and Anna Claire fought to hide their laughter until they’d left Amelia’s home. “Did you SEE those wire stars in Marlowe’s nursery?” Anna Claire snickered. “You can TOTALLY tell Amelia made them herself!”
“She’ll probably pinterest them onto her pin board or whatever!” Sugie giggled.
“I like to call it Geek Chic,” Juditha snorted as she showed her friends how she’d decorated her teenage son’s room.
At his desk in the corner, 17-year-old Ludlow wasn’t laughing.
“I don’t believe for a second Mamie’s claims that Hasting’s nursery came from Restoration Hardware,” Mary Alice whispered spitefully. “I mean did you see all that color? It just screams TARGET!”
I’m sure you can all relate to a Restoration Hardware-style childhood…. right?
And you’ll probably also like my Pinterest board: Mary Eugenia de Von Romneybilt Cavenbottom’s Idea Book.
All images via RHBabyandChild.com