I'm Lindsay Ferrier, a Nashville writer with a passion for family travel, exploring Tennessee, and raising kids without losing my mind in the process. This is where I share my discoveries, along with occasional deep thoughts, pop culture tangents and a sprinkling of snark. Want to get in touch? Use the CONTACT form at the top of the page.
June 28, 2006
>This week’s Nashville Scene edition of Suburban Turmoil is a good one, in my humble opinion… Check it out.
Your Space is MySpace
Hubs and I were just getting settled in our seats at the junior high play when I saw them.
“Omigosh.” I whispered as the lights went down. “Look who is sitting right in front of us.”
“Who?” Hubs said, leaning forward.
“Tricia and Troy.”
“Who?”
“Tricia is sleeping with him. A seventh grader! And she gets drunk, like, every Saturday night. Can you believe it? And last month, she got really wasted and cheated on Troy with some guy from another school. The whole seventh grade was talking about it!” I shook my head disapprovingly and sat back in my chair.
“How do you know all this stuff?” Hubs asked in amazement.
“Oh,” I said casually, “MySpace.”
I know moms and dads are supposed to hate MySpace and ban their kids from using it, but I love it. Love it. Because as the resident Household Spy overseeing two teenage girls, MySpace makes my life a whole lot easier.
I check my stepdaughters’ MySpace web pages every week or so, partly to make sure they’re not getting all Go Ask Alice on me, but also because I’m nosy. MySpace gives me all the thrill of reading a diary and none of the guilt. Because anyone can read this stuff, right? So why not me, a person who can really appreciate the fact that one of my stepdaughters likes little old men and raccoons and the other ranked 68 percent Ghetto Gangsta in the What Kind of High Schooler Are You Quiz? I mean, these are the kinds of things that a parent needs to know.
I admit, I haven’t learned anything important on their sites that I didn’t already know was going on. (I am, after all, an expert in quietly picking up the phone during someone else’s conversation and listening as long as it takes to make sure the receiver is absolutely, positively working properly before carefully putting it back down). But I’ve gathered quite a bit of useful blackmail information on their friends.
Which former Girl Scout’s screen name is Smokin’ a Fattie Spliff? Which school principal’s son brags incessantly about shoplifting? Who is the 12-year-old cheerleader with the filthiest mouth this side of the Cumberland River? I have the answers to all these burning questions. And I know who to send straight to the never-never land of voicemail when her name shows up on our caller ID.
Obviously, the MySpace coup has been a major turning point in my battle to figure out what the hell my teenagers are thinking. But now that I’ve found a map for the secret world of suburban teen angst, I could really use a decoder: What it is, gurl? I freakn luv Matt more n anything. Hit me up again. I come to ya page every day then I tell my peoples bout it. Hit me back aiight. I think imma die if we can’t hang.
Excuse me, what?
These are the kinds of comments you can find on the MySpace pages of my stepdaughters’ schoolmates. I’m thinking the lingo must be an extra layer of protection for teens in the event that adults happen upon their pages, because damned if I can understand half of what they’re talking about.
The funny thing is that I’ve known many of these kids for years. I watched them from the stands when they were 8-year-olds in pigtails running around on the soccer field. I’ve eaten lunch with them in the elementary school cafeteria. And I’ve heard them speak plain English on many, many occasions. So where is this trash talk coming from? And what possessed some of them to post cleavage-baring, provocatively posed photographs of themselves? And where are their parents while they’re doing it?
Because I’m telling you from watching my stepdaughters that it takes hours to create and maintain a MySpace page. Yet clearly, most of these kids are pretty confident that Mom and Dad will never find out about their own questionable corner of the web.
I guess that’s where I come in.
I’ve created my own MySpace page to show these kids that not all parents are clueless morons. Some of us are just faking it. My screen name is Da Nosy Stepmom, and you can find me at www.myspace.com/danosystepmom. I hope that parents out there will join me in my campaign to take back MySpace. If we make our online presence known, we can try to inspire good spelling habits, or at least convince these poor kids that Abercrombie skirts are waaaaay too short and Eminem sucks.
So. Y’all down? Hollaback.
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>Two questions… 1. What will you do if they go “private” on you? 2. Now that you’ve told Nashville about your secret lurking, aren’t you worried that your step daughters will find out and go “private” on you? Which brings me back to question 1.
>Too too funny.
>There are ways around that, Harmonica Man. I wasn’t a reporter (professional snoop) for nothing. Interested parents may e-mail me for details. 🙂
>You are so cool. Wanna make out?
>I hate my space. it’s a rant I will post later. it just annoys the hell out of me.but I love yours!!Oh, and I can decipher that lingo for you if I want (I work with waaaaaay to many kids)
>Holy crap, I’m laughing my ass off right now. Thanks, L!
>OMG! You rock SO HARD! I just want to smack your ass. I HATE MySpace but I may have to create one just to be on your “Friends” list.
>I totally love you!I knew there was dignity in snooping…You rockin’ Mom….My child is reaching that age of sneaky ass behaviour so I am on board with my artist formerly known as Lucinda…See you on MySpace…Tori
>Lucinda you are brilliant 🙂
>Holy shit, that was fucking funny! When I got to your myspace page, I think I actually snorted with laughter.
>Darn it! I totally wanted to check you out on My Space but I was blocked out.What a great way to get up in your kids business though. You are a good mom checking up on them!
>You are such a cool step-Mom! Way to go!
>OMG! YOU ARE HILARIOUS! I wish you lived on my block so we could torture teens in unison! My son would be HORRIFIED!
>You are too damn funny. I loved your my-space profile. Those kids are very, very fortunate to have you.
>Yo! BitchI went and done ma thang on MySpace and now gotta space o’ ma own………..Are you down wid’ at?www.myspace.com/scottishgoddess2(because Scottish Goddess on its own was already taken…)
>What a riot!! You da mom!
>Your pics are hilarious! Good luck. I am hoping MySpace implodes by the time my DD reaches that age.
>That is very funny. I stalk my son’s friends on Xanga, but some have secret LiveJournal sites. The only problem with teen blogs is that they are so damn fugly.
>Woooeeeee! Love your new look. Karen did a fabulous job. Off to read the Nashville Scene 🙂
>It’s classic. It’s priceless. It has me laughing my ass off!
>Oh, that is too funny!! I love your pictures! LOLWhat a great mom, you are!!
>Yes, share snooping details, PLEASE! :-)Very,very,very funny! C
>Okay, I just requested you to be my friend – my myspace name is ‘skoonus’. Thanks for the great article – too funny and very clever.
>Positively brilliant. I’m so adding you. ha.
>Good times.Now I’m going to go “friend” you.
>ROFL – you’re awesome. I hate MySpace too, but I have been known to spy on my little brother and sister. We live in a small town and I’m shocked at how many people willingly give out the name of it! Maybe I’ll work on mine and add you as a friend. I only have one…some Tom guy. LOL!
>Brilliant post! Seriously, I think that was super sassy smart with bling 😉
>Oh my lord! Hahaha!! Crazy broad.I’m SO adding you to my myspace. 😉
>You R.O.C.K.(but your bandana should be pink.)=)
>HA HA HA! Kids are sooooo stupid. Especially teenage kids. “Children are brain damaged!”
>I hate myspace too, but ironically I have a myspace page! AAAHHH!! I know I know…but I did it to get back in touch with friends I knew from way back when!Lucinda I loooove your page, your pics are hilarious but so cute! And I totally added you as one of my friends!
>Wondering what most of that jive is in the kiddies’ blogs? I’ve found http://www.urbandictionary.com to be most helpful. I’ve learned way more than I ever planned on learning…
>Yo yo. That’s brilliant momz!
>I don’t see my letter to the editor. 🙁
>That is freaking brilliant, and I am emailing you. I want to know how to spy on my kid, and all his little Catholic school friends.
>OMG – you so rock! I personally hope someone takes MySpace “out” before I have to worry about my son being on it – but if that day never comes, I am for sure copy-catting you! Ought to be hilarious. I think I’ll be “GreatAuntGrannyMomWithTude”, or some such thing! I so applaud your “hands on” and “no nonsense” approach with your kids. I was beginning to think I was all alone in my thinking! …
>YOU ARE HILARIOUS!! Dig the bandana btw! Word up!
>OMG I can’t stop laughing. You are way too funny
>Great post and great idea! I read my son’s MySpace when he leaves it up on the computer – and honestly, its a bunch of nothing so far. I’ve tried to crack the code, to no avail, want to share your secrets?
>I love the article. I am a regular on myspace and I demand my daughters password or its off limits to her! It amazes me how clueless other parents are. Some of these kids are a trip! (or pretend to be) Love your blog!
>as you know, I am reading your archives, so of course i am way behind. BUT I have to ask– is that REALLY Lisa Rhinna who is on your friend list? I guess it WAS her googling you (I think you wrote about it in Feb 2006), and she stayed around to become a regular reader? How funny!