Every Mom Needs a Little Wiggle Room
On a brightly lit Nashville stage once upon a time, four men shook their hips to raucous music while an audience of young mothers screamed and swooned and waved their arms in desperate supplication.
As one of the men leaped into the audience and ran up an aisle, a small horde of women followed, flashing pictures and grabbing for his elbow, his hair, any bit of him that they could reach with their manicured hands.
Was it a Chippendales show? No. The Backstreet Boys? Hardly.
It was The Wiggles, live and in the flesh at the Municipal Auditorium.
For those of you who are unfamiliar with The Wiggles, they are a merry band of Australian men who sing and dance their way through a 30-minute program that airs on the Disney Channel each morning.
Like millions of toddlers around the world, my two-year-old daughter has fallen captive to their mesmerizing charms. And, um. So have I.
Oh, at first I tried to ignore them, straightening up the toy-strewn playroom when they appeared on the TV screen or taking a moment to call and check in with my husband at work. But it wasn’t long before the toot, toot and chugga chugga of their big red car had me taking a second look. Hmm. Greg, the leader of the group, was unmistakably handsome, but Anthony had very nice eyes. Murray and Jeff seemed to be wingmen, but I could see how some might find them attractive…
Before long, I was racing Baby to the television when The Wiggles’ opening song hit the airwaves. Curled up on the sofa, I’d snicker when the song “Hot Potato” came on and wonder if any of the Wiggles had a little something going on the side with that pretty female dancer who played the police officer. She acted so innocent, but I saw the way she’d been looking at my Anthony. The bitch.
In the back of my mind, I realized that some would say I was losing it. But it had been a long, long time since I’d watched adult television. The Wiggles were all I had to work with.
And as it turned out, I wasn’t alone.
“My baby loves The Wiggles,” a friend of mine confided during an afternoon with our kids at the playground.
“Really? Which one is your favorite?” I asked a little too eagerly.
“Greg,” she said, eyes shining. “I just think he’s so cute!”
”Cuter than Anthony?” I asked in dismay.
She nodded. “Greg’s curly black hair… I just want to run my fingers through it!”
“Greg is fine,” another mom said, leaning forward from a park bench next to ours. “But what do you two think about the new guy on Blues Clues?”
”Oh, he’s okay,” I said dismissively. “He’s a lot better looking than the old guy was. I think they had to get rid of him because he was losing his hair.”
The other two moms nodded their heads in agreement. “You know who else is hot,” the new mom mused. “The Kratt brothers on Zoboomafu.”
“The Kratt brothers!” my friend exclaimed. “On PBS, right? You know, my sister e-mailed me about them. I’ve been meaning to check them out!”
“Do,” said the new mom knowingly. “You won’t regret it.”
It’s obvious why so many men populate the programs on children’s television. The toddlers may be watching the shows, but the mommies are the ones with the remotes. And a good mom will never say no to a little eye candy.
Still, when I was at The Wiggles’ Nashville appearance, I snorted at the women who chased after Jeff Wiggle as he ran through the audience.
“Can you believe those moms?” I said to my husband. “What are they thinking?”
“I know!” he laughed. “I saw this one woman just now, and she… Lindsay?!”
In an instant, I had snatched up the baby and climbed over my seat to the walkway behind us. Jeff was headed our way.
As he ran by, I held out my hand and we high-fived. In that brief, spine-tingling moment, our eyes met, the world stopped on its axis, I opened my mouth and I… I… squealed. Like a little girl. I squealed.
Jeff moved on and I looked down at my husband, who was sadly shaking his head. I burned with shame.
“I can’t. Believe. You did that,” he said as I sat back down.
“I know,” I said, looking down at my shoes. “What’s Anthony going to think when he finds out?”
>Dude. Anthony is mine. Back off.Jeff is a lot more handsome in person than on TV
>You are so funny!!!!! I really have never looked at the wiggles that way. Maybe I should life may be more interesting.
>No no, Greg is the total hottie. I was sorely disappointed when we took the Toddler to see the Wiggles last December and Greg wasn’t there! Off in hospital having some emergency surgery. I almost asked for my money back. Then again, we were sitting right on the aisle so I got to watch both Jeff *and* Murray in their snug Wiggle pants trot on by. Took a lot of self-restraint not to reach out and give a little pinch.I wonder if our mother’s felt the same way about Mr. Rodgers…
>GREG? Puhleeeese. Anthony, yes.Greg, no way. His pants were always too short.
>My husband, who is Australian, says that The Wiggles began as a semi-hardcore punk rock band called The Cockroaches. He swears he saw them perform in Sydney in the ’80s. I’ve only seen The Wiggles briefly (I have no children so much of their appeal is lost on me, I guess) but I always assumed they, uh, played for the other team. At least that’s what I always assumed my husband meant when he said they’re “more camp than a row of tents.”
>My husband swears by what Kristina says too–they play for the other team. I read that they were all school teachers before and formed the group after talking about it on the job as a way to entertain the kids.I’ve never been into the turtle-necked type of guy really, so they don’t get my attention that much. Now, one of those Kraft brothers is very nice on the eyes…I’ll admit it.
>I’ve never been into the Wiggles, but that guy on Lazytown looks really good in his spandex suit.
>Take it off Anthony! Take it all off! Romp-pomp-a-chomp.
>Just wait for Drake and Josh. Just wait. Then you can start lusting after the underages. Nice.
>HA to the Drake and Josh reference! But honestly, those Kratt boys sure caught MY attention! I can’t do the wiggles, they definitely play for the other side and I prefer my crush’s to be down and dirty manly… like those Kratt boys!
>Wonderfully funny! Thank you for brightening my day.
>I had tears in my eyes reading that. Cheers.
>FYI, y’all. Greg, Murray and Anthony are married. I know because I checked it out.
>Oh, it’s all about Anthony all right. I find Jeff a bit creepy, and Greg doesn’t do it for me, but Anthony’s got it going on. Oh and so do the Zoboomafoo guys!(My life has come to this??)
>Wiggles, schmiggles. Hel-LO! Sportacus on “LazyTown”? How is it that no one has mentioned this one (pencil-thin fake mustache notwithstanding)? ;^)
>LOL Neither of my kids like the Wiggles even though I’ve tried!! Now they both like Zaboomafu and I certainly don’t mind watching the Kratt brothers!! I think the people who create these shows pick the good looking men to host them b/c they KNOW that moms are the real views. LOL
>I gotta agree with Jennifer about Sportacus! As far as the Wiggles, I used to like Greg best, but I think Anthony is aging better.
>Mr X doesn’t like the Wiggles because he caught me drooling over Greg. And Joe from Blue’s Clues is totally Hott!
>I met the Wiggles when they were the Cockroaches. We joked and laughed together backstage (albeit briefly). They gave me their album. And signed it. True story. (Please don’t throw any bad energy my way!)
>The Kratt brothers are HOT! But damn… I don’t even have kids LOL!!
>We haven’t started watching the joys of the Wiggles yet, but sounds like I’m missing a lot. So far, it’s all Bob the Builder, all the time. Fun, but the little clay guys don’t quite have that pizzaz.
>You’ve gotta be kidding me! SPORTACUS???!!!! He totally creeps me out!I can’t believe Captain Feathersword hasn’t come up in this discussion, because if he lost 20 pounds, he would be fine. And I mean, the man knows how to use his feathersword. Don’t take that for granted…
>ugh.I hate the Wiggles, and I am Australian. None of them are hot, seriously, ugh.And Kristina – the Cockroaches were not punk or hard-core. They were the Wiggles for adults. Simply ‘pop’, and pretty blah too.Well, aren’t I the harpy of happiness tonight ? 😉
>You are SO funny! Love reading your blog. My daughter’s 4 – we’ve moved up to the big girl shows: check out Drake Bell on Drake and Josh on Nick – HOT, and he sings, except I think he’s still underage and we’ll all go to jail for chasing him…..at least the guys in the Wiggles are adults.Chris in Ohio
>My best friends two year old loves the Wiggles so I’ve had the misfortune to see it. My take on it is different however. I think they’re gay. Not that there’s anything wrong with that! But come on…Captain Feather Sword!?!?!?!?
>Oh….True dat on da feather sword. He looks like every drunken frat boy I ever (ahem) knew. And yeah…..I’ve only seen the ads for Lazy town but double yuck, and a grossed out shiver.
>Um me. Captain Feathersword. The geek. He is very Alec Baldwin-ish to me.
>Alright, that’s it. You ARE the funniest woman I know. i can’t stand the Wiggles, but those Kraft brothers are CCCUUUTTTTEEEE. And YEARS ago, long before you wee ones had children I am sure, there was a show called “Gullah Gullah Island”. Have you heard of it? The Dad on there was HHOOOTTTT. SOOO cute. I use to love to watch that w/my niece. We watched it long after she grew out of it ‘cuz I liked it so much. And, yes, I do think that the hottness factor has a huge bearing on who hosts these kiddie shows, because everybody knows who controls the remote and it ain’t the two year old. 🙂
>Ha! Love Anthony, especially since he got those new teeth…and the Zoobomafoo Brothers? HOOOOT!
>Y’all are totally dissin’ on Sportacus because you haven’t seen him without that ridiculous moustache!THIS is the real Sportacus (sans moustache): http://www.mbl.is/mm/stjornuspeki/?grein_id=1981{drool}
>I love Anthony. Anthony’s workshop… Doesn’t anyone dig the pirate? I think he’s cuter than Jeff.I wonder how often they get hit on by the sub moms? Ha ha ha.THe Kraft brothers are pretty cute too. And Joe is SOOO much better than Steve. He’s huggable.I’m sorely disappointed when my sons want to watch something like Dora or Thomas… because I HAVE to watch these shows, it’s not like I can leave the room, they pull me on the couch ‘no momma stay, stay’ and then I’m sucked in.. ha ha ha.
>Oh and I thought they played for the other side, too, but my friend saw them and said they were all married with kids… so much for that theory… plus I think our guys just say that cuz, they can’t fathom wiggling around with a roomful of toddlers singing campy songs???
>Speaking of the tween set – anyone watch “Phil of he Future?” That Ricky Ullman – wowsers…makes me want to be 14 again – and it takes a LOT to do that.
>Lindsay, you make me laugh all the time with your funny posts all.the.time!!
>Hey, that show’s marketing execs aren’t stupid. Maybe I’ll have to start TiVo-ing The Wiggles episodes. That job thing, you know, I don’t even get the chance to watch children’s shows in the mornings. Sounds like I’m letting the good stuff pass me by.
>The Lazytown guy creeps me out. Wiggles all the way! My favorite is probably Anthony with Greg as a close second. Romp Bomp A Stomp baby.
>Sadly, I’ve had that conversation (the Kratts are totally hot!) and I don’t have kids.I really need to get out more.
>Yeah, that was me, just now, with the deleted comment, expressing that Jeff skeeves me out, because firstly, he cannot close his mouth. EVER. Just watch him. And then, what’s up with the narcolepsy? That’s funny? Why don’t they get him to a DOCTOR?(Previous comment deleted because I said “necrophilia” instead of narcolepsy. Oops.)
>the kratt brothers are hott.
>Okay. Fine, people. I’ve had a secret crush on Captain Feathersword for about three years now. I haven’t told a soul until now. I love his french tickler— I mean feathersword. BTW, my friend took her kids to see The Wiggles in Erie, and she wound up staying at the same hotel as them. She caught them in the bat around midnight, pounding down pints of beer. AND SHE DIDN’T STAY!!!!!! I couldn’t believe it!! I would have pulled up a stool and ordered another round. And batted my eyelashes a little.
>Um, that would be the BAR she found them in, not the bat.
>I must be a freak! I remember all these shows. Wiggles. Blues Clues. All of ’em. You know which one was my favorite? The one with the Big Blue Bear! Yep – not a human, but Bear in the Big Blue House! What does that say about me? Uhhhhh…on second thought, let’s just not go there!
>Glad that I read this. I only get to see the man with the big yellow hat these days, and Curious George. Neither one do it for me…
>No point squealing for Jeff Wiggle if you’re female honey. But Anthony was voted Bachelor of the Year in Australia (prior to marriage and babies)and looks quite cute in a black leather jacket. I reckon for all-out personality Murray is the guy, he is v. funny in non-Wiggle tv appearances. I can’t believe I’ve done this.
>I’ve seen the Wiggles once. All I thought when I saw 4 men dancing and singing for kids on TV was, “They have to be gay.”My husband’s response was “No, they’re just Australian.”
>If you really want to start drooling you might also want to look up the Wiggles net worth…And yes, Captain Feathersword is my pick of the bunch. (because – helloooo! does no one else have the pirate fantasy?) Anthony was a close second but now has a baby girl and that put me off a bit. And what Stomper Girl said about Murray – give him a chance because when he’s not being the Dr jumping on the Joeys’ bed he is a very, very funny man.And finally, adding to the other local Australian knowledge here, yes, the Cockroaches were notverygood soft pop. And My Float really did meet them, I can vouch for that.
>I never pegged the Wiggles as straight men. I always liked that Cock a Doodle Doo song they do.
>LOL Lindsay! These are the things we miss out on, not having cable tv. I need to borrow me another Wiggles tape from the library — it’s been a while since I’ve, er, we’ve checked them out!So maybe this is why there are mainly male muppets on Sesame Street. I’ve always had a soft spot for Grover, myself!
>The Wiggles rock. You know you love them (or have a problem?) when you wake up with their songs in your head. I can’t hear, “Let’s go swimming!” from someone without hearing the Wiggles sing it (from the Top of the Tots video, one of our favorites..yes, including my husband). Someone said Greg got chunky – is that true? I guess I should read the rest of the comments.
>Oh GAWD… I think I just spit Pepsi out my nose..lolThe Wiggles ROCK!Great post!
>Oh no! It’s too late for you now Lindsay! Come baaaack! Come baaack!
>I hate to do it… but the ugly truth about Greg Wiggle must be seen:http://www.gregpage.com/photo_gallery2.htm
>Oh Thank God I’m not there yet. I’m still in the phase of finding them annoying, but thankful that they exist to entertain my child…briefly…but, my son is only a year old. I foresee many Wiggle-moments in our future…perhaps I should learn to love them…
>only reason jeff’s still single is he hasnt met me yet.
>That’s hysterical. Me, I’m a Captain Feathersword fan…..
>I really was just going along for the ride with the Wiggles when my little one started making me listen to it in the car, but then we saw them in concert this past August (probably one of Greg’s last appearances :() and whoa!!! Greg and Anthony are HOT!!! Seeing them in person did it for me…now I am hooked! What am I going to do when my kids grow out of the Wiggles (and I don’t!) And someone said Captain Feathersword would look good if he lost 20 pounds…Have you seen him in normal clothes? That guy works out! I would say he comes in third for me. Check him out in the closing credits of “Wiggly Safari”! Very hot!
>ok, greg is the love of my life, glad all of you think so highly of him.
>I prefer Jeff myself. It’s the smile that gets me:D
>Ok, I’ve nearly pissed myself laughing. I’m glad someone mentioned about Captain Feathersword and his normal clothes, because he so doesn’t need to lose any weight!I love Greg. It’s a pity he had to quit. Ah well. You all are hilarious.
>Because people are still emailing this around, I should clarify (yes I’m Australian):1. Greg is gone. Too sick (to perform), replaced by Sam.2. Only Anthony and Jeff were in the Cockroaches.3. Jeff was pulled in to play keyboards (by Anthony), and wasn’t studying with the other 3 (or 4 if you count the 5th Wiggle Phillip Wilcher who was working with the program rather than studying).4. Captain Feathersword is a character, played by different people.5. The Wiggles are Australia’s richest entertainers.http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Wiggles
>Such a great post! Very glad workoutmommy pointed me in its direction. I often find myself torn between Anthony and Greg … but lately we’ve been having a household obsession with The Imagination Movers. Now THOSE are some cuties!
>We saw the Wiggles this summer in St. Louis – when the big red car came out, I was surprised at the thrill I experienced. Anthony is the hottie, but they are all awesome. I enjoyed the show as much as my kids!