If Your House Were a Pottery Barn House

I’ll be the first to admit that I love seeing the Pottery Barn catalog in the mail. I can totally lose myself in its pristine, people-free pages, and dream of a magical place where clutter and scuff marks and bad smells and stains and toilets and LEGOs don’t exist.

Just imagine if your house were a Pottery Barn house…

 

Your vineyard would bring all the boys to the yard.

 

Your dog would have his own entrance.

 

Even your laundry room would be tastefully appointed.

 

You’d worry that your ocean view was looking a little dated.

 

After the infamous ‘book burning episode’ the last time you lost power and were home alone, your husband would see to it that you never run out of firewood again.

 

You’d tell anyone who even looks like they might have gotten a spray tan to refrain from sitting on your sofa.

 

By the time you lit all the hanging candles for your impromptu evening get-together, it would be too late to invite anyone over.

 

You’d make sure that the only way to access your home’s Mother-in-Law suite would be via a rickety ladder.

 

After your Oceanside Dinner Party, your guests would pick sand out of their teeth for weeks.

 
Your weird penchant for clipboard hoarding would at last have meaning and purpose.

 

Your interior decorator would convince you that privacy is totally last year.

 

You’d secretly judge everyone by their wine cellar.

 

While driving your mother to the hospital with a concussion at 2 in the morning, you’d silently curse your bright idea to use the guest room headboard as a decorating shelf.

 

Your family members would constantly bump their heads on your artfully hung lanterns.

 

Your assistant would be tragically killed after attempting to pull out a log for the fire.

 

You’d pride yourself on your ability to always remain neutral.

 

Did you like this post? Check out If Your Kids Were Pottery Barn Kids!

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All photos courtesy of Pottery Barn