I'm Lindsay Ferrier, a Nashville writer with a passion for family travel, exploring Tennessee, and raising kids without losing my mind in the process. This is where I share my discoveries, along with occasional deep thoughts, pop culture tangents and a sprinkling of snark. Want to get in touch? Use the CONTACT form at the top of the page.
March 28, 2006
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Did you ever wonder what happened to those hippie wannabes you knew from college? You know who I’m talking about- that granola coffee shop worker with the flowing hair and the long boho skirts. The soulful, guitar-playing pot smoker who lived downstairs and took you mud boggin’ one weekend. I’m pretty sure that all of these people graduated (or didn’t) and moved straight on to Durango, Colorado.
In a town where eight out of ten residents can and should be greeted as “Duuuuuude,” it didn’t take me long upon my arrival to realize that I simply did not fit in. In Durango, “designer” means Patagonia or The North Face; My cherished Burberry trenchcoat and Gucci slingbacks stuck out like a sore thumb.
Still, I tried to go with the flow. For one thing, I immediately abandoned my lipliner in favor of sheer lip gloss. The effect was decidedly more earthy, I thought, smacking my lips and batting my false eyelashes in the mirror. I also quickly learned the lingo used by the locals.
“Right on, let’s do some sick runs today at Purg,” I said to the girls on our second morning. They were soooo not impressed.
“Are you feeling okay?” my 15-year-old asked suspiciously.
“Shaaaa, right!” I replied. “No worries, chica!”
She sighed and shook her head.
Okay, I might not have been a Durangatan at heart, but no one there seemed to mind. It was nice to visit a town in which everyone seemed to have come from somewhere else. It was also nice to feel safe. Drinking is high on the list of Durango residents. Murder is not. That said, the local Police Blotter read like a gossip column and we eagerly read it aloud to each other every morning. I couldn’t let you guys miss out on this kind of entertainment, so here, for your reading pleasure, are highlights from Durango’s Police Blotter, March 20-26th. The editorial comments are my own.
Sunday
Someone, call for back up!
10:42 a.m.–A white and black dog was running toward East Third Avenue from Florida Road.
They weren’t 2T by any chance, were they?
11:09 a.m.– A man found a pile of children’s clothes at a hairpin turn next to trailhead in the 1500 block of County Road 310.
Let’s just hope they were empty…
2:35 p.m.– Several beer bottles fell from a truck that pulled up to talk to a man in the 3800 block of Main Avenue.
More proof that men don’t like bushes…
10:07 p.m.– A drunken man was stumbling in traffic and yelling at the bushes in the 500 block of Florida Road.
We looked for a drunken man walking with his arm out of its socket all week long. For some reason, it made us laugh.
1:08 a.m.– A drunken man was walking with his arm out of its socket at an apartment complex in the 1100 block of Florida Road.
10:47 a.m.– A seeing-eye dog was walking at Florida Road and East Third Avenue without its owner.
12:53 a.m.– A 19-year-old man was so drunk he could not walk or function in the 1000 block of Rim Drive.
1:12 a.m.–A man’s bike was stolen. Then he found it in the 900 block of East Fourth Avenue, and he took it back.
Monday
Mission Impossible 4?
3:23 a.m.– An employee at Detox at 3801 Main Ave. said a client used a fingernail clipper to try to unscrew the vent and escape from the Quiet Room.
4:16 a.m.– The same man at Detox unscrewed the toilet and was moving it around the Quiet Room.
8:43 p.m.– A caller was suspicious of a car owner switching lights on and off and driving with the back door open. The car was around the back of the J.C. Penney at 800 South Camino del Rio.
Tuesday
Well, he deserves to be arrested by the fashion police, anyway…
5:09 p.m. A man in the 2000 block of Junction Street said he was chased by a man in a purple jacket and black pants.
Wednesday
Okay, when you call to report roosters at 4:51am, you reallllly need to get a life…
4:51 a.m. A man discovered two roosters in his backyard in the 2300 block of Hermosa Avenue.
3:09 p.m. A woman from the 600 block of East Seventh Avenue said her soon-to-be ex-husband continues to harass her with phone calls.
Hey. Someone’s gotta do it.
5:35 p.m.– An intoxicated man was staggering around the 200 block of East Eighth Avenue, near Sonic. He was walking into traffic, telling drivers to slow down.
6:22 p.m.– A man driving near Eighth Street and Main Avenue was suspected of smoking marijuana. It is a frequent problem.
Thursday
Did we really need to know this?
8:57 a.m.– A black Lab was eating a dead deer at Ridge Road and County Road 142.
But was he in the accident? Or was he just another drunk pedestrian?
7:29 a.m.– Several vehicles were involved in an accident in the 1300 block of South Camino del Rio, by Home Depot. Medics were on site and onlookers saw a man limping.
2:36 p.m.–An employee at the Brookside Motel at 2331 Main Ave. said people were putting mattresses under a Spruce Tree South of the hotel in order to sleep there.
Friday
I’m not sure why, but this reminds me of a Scooby Doo episode…
6:26 p.m.– A man said that a man with gray hair and a plaid shirt threatened him and chased him from the forest at Windsong Lane in the 45000 block of U.S. Highway 160.
How dare he not offer her one?!
11:14 p.m.– A woman at Whispering Pines in the 34000 block of U.S. Highway 550, north of Durango, said a man in a red Dodge pickup was drinking beer in his vehicle outside her apartment.
Saturday
2:12 p.m.– Someone dined and dashed, to the tune of $68, at Applebee’s, 801 Camino del Rio.
3:22 p.m.– Four motorcycles were popping wheelies and weaving around traffic in the 28000 block of U.S. Highway 160, near Grandview.
Zorro in Durango?
3:47 p.m.– Someone took a paintbrush and splashed paint all over a man’s shed in the 31000 block of U.S. Highway 550. The vandal wrote the letter ‘Z’ many times and ripped plants out of the ground.
8:19 p.m.– The driver of a Toyota Camry, last seen turning into Wal-Mart, was tossing cigarettes out the window.
AWEsome.
2:43 p.m.– A television exploded in the east 400 block of 10th Street.
But what kind of pie?
7:41 p.m.– A man who sounded intoxicated said something was on fire in an oven in the 800 block of East 32nd Street. He said he could see the flames. It was a pie.
Is this even possible?
10:13 p.m.– An 18-year-old man locked himself in a car in a parking lot in the 1100 block of Camino del Rio.
All week long, we tried to make it into the blotter ourselves, staging loud arguments on street corners, flashing our brights at oncoming drivers, even loudly singing “We’re from Tennessee” and dancing a hoedown one night as we walked home from dinner. Alas, in this respect, we were shut out by the otherwise friendly locals. There seems to be an unwritten rule that tourists are not allowed admittance into the blotter. Damn.
I discovered today, though, that we weren’t the only ones laughing each morning. The Durango Herald actually publishes an annual “Best of the Blotter” every year, complete with illustrations. There’s even a link to an aria about the blotter sung by a local music professor. You can see it all for yourself, as well as today’s blotter, here. I know I’m going to be checking in regularly just to keep an eye on Durango’s exploding TVs, stray dogs and drunks with dislocated shoulders.
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>My ex’s sister went to UC Boulder to ski – she used to bring her dog to class… and who knows what else she did on the side… 🙂
>LMAO. Now I understand why my cousin and one of my best friends live in CO.
>No murders, no break-ins, no muggings? What’s wrong with these people? Don’t they watch The Sopranos? Sounds like Pleasantville, USA mellowed out on Bud Lights and weed! Hmmm…might have to look into moving there!
>I’ve only been to Colorado once – for a week about 5 years ago. By the time we left, my husband and I had the lingo down solid too. We still giggle about that 🙂
>Okay, those were hilarious. My favorite was the long description about something being on fire, and then “it was a pie.”
>Hilarious! I smell a TV sitcom.
>Oh dear… you have never been to Arcata CA have you? I think the hippies there rival the hippies in CO. yes, we have the pot smoking treehugging, tree sitting, no showers needed, pachoulii smelling, vegan, goddess worshiping, granola eating, dirt loving, bring your dog everywhere, dreadlocked, no use for deoterant hippies of all ages, races and sizes. quick! someone start singing kubya (sp?)!!LOLI really do love Arcata though…
>The picture is beautiful. Hippies in CO? yeah, youbetcha. We visit my dad several times a year (he lives in Lyons–by Estes Park). He HATES “those goddam tree huggin’ sons a bitches”. 😀 I just think it’s hilarious.That blotter is a hoot. Too bad you couldn’t get in. If an outsider could, I’m sure it’d be you! (Uh, I think that’s a compliment…)
>My husband was an archaeologist in Boulder. Oh yeah…it’s a great place to chill.
>Several beer bottles fell from a truck that pulled up to talk to a man?Trucks talk there, dude?
>OMG, I checked out the blotter and it’s hilarious! Glad you had an informative and broken body part free trip!!
>I miss hippies or wannabe hippies or anything of the sort. The military folks don’t do hippy well.So good to get wind of your tales again. As I sit here in a tank top, it’s impossible to imagine snow!
>Durango was a fun place to visit, but I wouldn’t want to live there. For one thing, it’s going to take a few weeks for my skin to recover from windburn and dry air. For another, I’ve had it with the “Bread not bombs” stickers and the signs in the store dressing rooms that said, “Stealing is bad karma!” I like all that stuff in small doses, but a whole town of it was a little like “Dawn of the Dead.” 😉
>Check March 16. A tourist made it into the listings!
>I still read my local paper from my hometown of about 3,000 people. One of my favorite parts is the police blotter. And, now, my brother-in-law is in the Sheriff’s Department, so I can call and find out the real scoop on the most funny entries. Tee, hee!
>More like Dawn of the Weed, Lucinda. The gray haired man in the plaid shirt surely was running down the street, shaking his fist and hollering “I’ll get you, you meddling kids!” At least I hope he was.
>11:00 p.m. Two drunken adults appeared to be leaving in their white Hummer from the Denny’s parking lot at 666 Camino del Rio. There were two children in the vehicle. Upon further investigation the adults were found simply to be queer tourists from Tennessee.Are you sure that one wasn’t you?
>Anon, so glad you’re checking into this for me. HOW did that HAPPEN?! That tourist must’ve paid off the cops…Laura, if a gray haired man in a flannel shirt chased me out of a forest, I only hope I’d be wearing a purple minidress and following a talking dog! What’s with people being chased in that town, anyway? It seems to happen a lot!Megamom, we rented a cool four-door pickup truck, so unfortunately, that wasn’t us. *sigh*
>obviously nadines wear burberries and gucci slingbacks.sounds like you guys are having a blast *grins*
>SOME of them damned bushes yell back, you know.
>Wow!! I lived in Durango for 2 years, actually. Martin’s cousin’s lived there, and we just packed up one day and moved there….spur of the moment type of thing. (Before we had kids). It was a fun 2 years…it’s SOOO pretty there in the summer/spring.I lived in a house off of the hwy, next to the grocery store, and out my front gate was the River. It is SUCH a hippie town…totally brings back memories!! Best of the Blotter always cracked me up. The best one was where one lady said a gorilla broke into her house, made her coffee, and left. WTF?? 🙂
>OH, and tourists sometimes DO make it to the blotter….I’m not sure about now, but every year there used to be the Iron Horse Ralley in town, where a bunch of Harley Folk would come to Durango, and take the million dollar hwy up to Silverton.I worked in the grocery store, and at 4 am, let me tell you, it is a wake up call to find a 300 lb, hairy biker dude, standing in the Toilet Paper aisle…WEARING A SILK CHEMISE!!!Anyhow, there was this girl that came in the store one day. Wearing a bikini….and Chaps. Nothing else. She def had the body for it…but, CHAPS?? The guys in the store were decidedly dumbstruck.She made the blotter. She was walking by the Strater, and someone objected to her ass hanging out the back of the chaps….and called the cops. Sooo funny!
>Sounds like nothing has changed in the 20 years that I have been away from my beloved CO- can you imagine how I stuck out? Yes I have the rare talent of knowing how to wear mini skrits and heel’s in a snow strom! I think i stayed as long as I did(8years) cuz I looked so stinkin hot in ski pants and tight ski sweaters-I just couldn’t give em! up!
>One of my friends in Durango go REEEEALLY drunk one night, and walked down the MIDDLE of Main Ave. SCREAMING at people….”HEY!! WHERE YOU FROM??”If they answered “Durango”, he’d do this drunken “WHOOOOO!!! AllRIIIIGHT!! WHOOOOO!!!”If they answered they were from another state, he’d scream “WELL!! GO THE F*** HOME!!!!”Amazingly, he didn’t make the blotter.
>You know, I thought you were kidding with the blotter entries. But I’ve just looked it up…it’s hilarious! thanks for the laughs.
>You know the Durango Herald is going to wonder why they’re suddenly getting so many extra hits! Adena, I LOVE your Durango stories! I’ve gotta tell them to my husband- He was most fascinated by the blotter- He actually saved every one! And yes, Durango is still a HUGE Harley town. They all came in on Friday night and took over that bar “The Office.” Hubs was walking outside when two women tumbled out of the bar onto the sidewalk and wrestled each other. We went to Silverton one afternoon too for lunch. Loved it. We want to go to Ouray in the summer and stay there- but the roads were too iffy this time around. Hubs about had a heart attack just getting to Silverton.
>Martin still swears that the best burger he’s ever had was at that little diner in Silverton.Isn’t Ouray GORGEOUS?? Somewhere over there (in the Spring) is a meadow w/ a waterfall that’s so big it wraps around…so, basically, you’ve got a waterfall to the front and sides of you….it’s amazing.However, yeah…that hwy. Do they still have headstones all over the sides of the road??? And if they spent a million dollars building the road, don’t you think they could’ve spent a few more on GUARD RAILS???
>Ha ha! My husband was saying the same thing- Where the FUCK are the GUARD RAILS?!We had lunch in Silverton at the Brown Bear Cafe. It was excellent. The town is pretty much shut down in winter, but the restaurants take turns staying open each week so that everyone can make a little money. Cool.
>I grew up in a small seaside town and reading the police blotter, especially in summer, was always a highlight in the local paper. When I was 17 I made it once, when I was pulled over for speeding two streets from my house. Dad read it very carefully to see if words like ‘drunk’ or ‘drugs’ were mentioned.