>A Bit of Assvice
>
Are people in herpes commercials actors?- Los Angeles, CA
Why? Did you see someone you know?
My wife likes to gain weight- Columbia, MD
Yeah and I bet you like that bald patch that’s growing on the top of your head. Asshat.
My stepdaughters are not nice girls- Woodmere, NY
Thank you for sharing. Mine are. Next.
Fat lady dancing to my milkshake bring all the boys to the yard- Round Rock, TX
The mental image of this one just cracks me up. I don’t think I have anything to add.
Turmoil in nose- Philadelphia, PA
I hate when this happens. You get a bit of turmoil going on in your nose and you’re dying to scratch, but there are too many people around. So you wrinkle it and you sniff and you rub it. Still. The turmoil continues. Argh.
Wireless toddler leash- Charlotte, NC
Why didn’t I think of this one? Toddler leashes are so clumsy. I hate it when mine gets tangled up in her chain. The wireless idea is so much smarter. All it takes is a simple collar and remote. Does anyone know where I can find one of these?
Heartbroken text massage- Nigeria
I had one of these once and it was rather sad. I was prepared to get all my kinks worked out- Instead, I got a few messages on my Blackberry that said, I m rubbing oil on ur legs and R u ready for a foot rub? Damn those text massages. What a waste of time and money.
Lisa Rinna as a stepmom sucks- Detroit, MI
Huh. I did not know that. I thought it was only her hairdo that sucked.
I was stabbed by satan on the day that I was born- Minneapolis, Minnesota
Now why would Satan do a thing like that? So rude!
Ladies in diapers in Oklahoma- Norman, OK
I really wouldn’t even know where to begin in helping you with this one. However, my Oklahoma blogging buddy Susan might be able to assist you.
Do I have to buy Arbonne from my daughter?- Lexington, VA
If you don’t want her to put you in a nursing home in about 15 years, the answer is yes. Buy the whole fucking line.
Why does my 12-year-old son wear diapers?- Mt Laurel, NJ
This is what happens, I’m afraid, when you keep putting off potty training. Time has a way of creeping up on you, dudn’t it?
Dealing with bitchy moms at school- Ann Arbor, MI
Good news! School’s out! Now you can focus on bitchy moms at the pool! And I’ve found that pushing them in the deep end as they stroll to the bathrooms is very effective.
>A wireless toddler leash? You mean like the thing that criminals wear around their ankle? Only more so — so you can zap ’em when they try to go play in the street.
>I am currently the number one hit when you Google THINGS I NEED TO KNOW ABOUT BERMUDA.I have no idea why, because all I know about Bermuda is that it’s WAY PRETTIER than Oklahoma.
>Your Googlers are so much more fun than mine. Then again, so are your responses 🙂
>But what can you tell us about ladies in diapers in Oklahoma, Susan?
>OMG the wireless toddler leash???? WTF?
>12 year old in diapers. I’m scared. Someone hold me. Turmoil in nose. That is just add. At least it wasn’t turmoil in his ass.
>I’m in Oklahoma, too, and let me tell ya : diapers are all the rage! We wear them everywhere. Diapers are the new little black dress.Get with the times, people!
>Wow, you did get some good ones this time around didn’t ya? Sometimes they make it too easy! 🙂 Great job. Someday I may talk about my fabulous searches but I don’t know…you rule.
>These were good! I hate the nose turmoil, too.
>Heaven help us is Ms. Evins reads this one…
>I *heart* “dudn’t.”Regarding the wireless kiddie leash: I bet Bed Bath & Beyond has it. Next to the Swedish Fish at checkout. I swear, they’ve got everything up there.
>ROFL! 12 year old son in diapers is a question that I think should be directed for a urologist. I just did this on my blog a couple of days ago.
>Bitchy moms at the pool – can’t get away from ’em, can we?More reason to go on vacation!
>Just more evidence that indeed people are stupid! I thought your advice was right on the money…and by the way…I’m pretty sure I would watch a TV show entitled “People are Stupid.” It would ring true, for sure…absolutely 100% reality TV! First time visitor here…linked from, hmmm, let’s see, where was I??? I think Mom-101, maybe? Memory fade…not a good sign. Anyway…enjoyed the visit!
>I haven’t stopped laughing at Turmoil in Nose. These are fantastic and the commentary, even more so. I may just have to revisit my google hits again soon.
>Girl I am so dyin over the 12 year old in diapers. I like to read thru and see who else I think like-its fun!
>Hmm…Lisa Rinna? Three words: Concave. Chest. Ew.
>wireless toddler leash, umm, if you go to the pet store, you can buy that dog collar with the electrical voltage running through it, that should work!
>I’m going to laugh all day about this one! THANKS!
>YOU KNOW, I LOVE YOUR BLOG. MY BLOG IS RATHER SIMILAR EXCEPT FOR THE FACT THAT IM 3 YEARS OLD INSTEAD OF HOWEVER OLD YOUARE. ISNT THATS amazing?? ACTUALLY, I DONT REALLY THINK IT IS THAT AMAZING BECA– USE DRAMATIC PEOPLE TEND TO CONGREGATE AND THEN NOT GET ALONG VERY WELL. THATS WHY IM WRITING IN CAPS. ACTUALLY, THATS A LIE. YOU SHOULD JUST VISIT MY BLOG. CLICK MY NAME. ~~ tHE iNDIAN dIVA.
>he Fatlady dancing to my milkshake….ooooo now there’s an image that won’t leave my brain too soon…
>I really need to put indexing back in my blog so I can get these crazy search terms! Funny!The only ones that find me are my name or my blog title.
>You really have to stop writing about the diaper wearing women in Oklahoma. Those of us in other states that wear diapers are getting tired of all the attention Oklahoma is getting from you.
>Wireless toddler leash…why didn’t I think of that?Maybe because I’m not a sadist.
>I’m a little late, but if you actually want to see the fat lady shake it to Milkshake and have the stomach to handle it, go here:Fat Lady Dances To The Milkshake SongYou have been warned.
>I ought to add that there’s ‘nudity’, although it’s kinda hard to tell.