>A Call to Arms
>Since the holidays are really a major time of inactivity for us moms, I’m bored and am looking for a new raison d’etre. I was thinking that some sort of letter-writing campaign or protest would put my name on the map. Yeah, that’s it. I can see it now. Tonight on CNN, Lucinda, speaking out on behalf of angry moms everywhere. This week on the cover of Newsweek: “Lucinda: A Mom on a Confusing Mission.” Coming up on Comedy Central: Lucinda the mom lampooned on South Park…
Okay, cool! All I need now is a cause. Here are some ideas:
M.A.T.O.M. (Mothers Against Their Own Mothers): Perhaps this has something to do with the fact that I’m visiting with my own mother right now. I don’t know. I love her and all, but did she really have to get my stepdaughters pencil case calculators for Christmas? I wanted to crawl into a hole in the ground and die. If a bunch of us got together and protested outside my mom’s door, we might manage to shame her into coming up with some better presents next year…
M.A.D. (Mothers Against Doodlebops): I am convinced The Doodlebops are Satan’s special tool designed to drive all mothers insane. Well you know what? We don’t have to take it anymore. Write your local Senator today.
M.A.G.G.S. (Mothers Against Gerber’s Gummy Snacks): As far as I’m concerned, the folks at Gerber are a bunch of ignorant assholes. How else could they have produced a product as insidious as the Fruit Snack? I spend way too much time each day peeling fruit snack goo off clothing, floors, my baby’s body and the bottoms of my feet. Stop the madness, Gerber. Do I hear an Amen?
M.A.T.E.-F.O.K. (Mothers Against Trendy Electronics For Our Kids): In this case, the acronym may end up being more controversial than the campaign itself, but since when was mate-fokking a bad thing? In fact, we obviously endorse it.Anyway, after spending two weeks and about three hundred dollars trying to buy and install the technology needed to get my stepdaughter’s iPod going, I have been rewarded with a teenager who can no longer hear a word I say. Those damn earphones are ALWAYS in her ears. And honestly, I think the X-box is even worse. People are spending $1200 on these things right now simply to guarantee that they will not see their sons for at least the next six months. Can I get a M.A.T.E.-F.O.K., anyone?!
M.
A.B.U.S. (Mothers Against Blow-Up Santas): The only thing worse than a yard containing an inflatable Santa is three successive yards containing three inflatable Santas. Down with holiday blow-up dolls. They’re creeping me out. Oh, and they might hurt a child or something, if you need more motivation to join this campaign.
M.A.H.W.S.T.D.S. F.T.M.A.T.S.K.O.P.A.D. B.T.H.T.D.S.E.A.T. A.T.N.E.T.T.M. N.A.T.H.T.D.T. T.I.T.I.T.F.P. (Mothers Against Husbands Who Say They’ll Do Something For The Mothers And Then Stay Kind Of Pissed All Day Because They Had To Do Something Extra And They’re All Tired Now, Even Though The Mother Never Asked The Husband To Do The Thing In The First Place): Uh. Next.
M.A.M.A.S. (Mothers Against Mothers Against Stuff): Getting a little tired of all the mommies protesting about shit? Then this is the campaign for you. Let’s put an end to Disney/Harry Potter/Abercrombie boycotts and bring back the smut! After all, who was trying to get rid of witches and wizards when we were kids? No one, that’s who. And we turned out just fine. Pretty much.
If you have any ideas for a campaign, please let me know. Together, we can make a difference!
>LMAO!You are such a nut!I’m saying AMEN to all of those!
>Ahhh, Raggedy Ann meets technicolor, hopped up on coke. I’m joining you on the M.A.D. picket line.I’ll be the one with the Hell, no, freak-ass show!sign.
>Thank you. I will gladly join each of your groups except for the Gerber one–thank GOODNESS Miss Kitty didn’t take a liking to THOSE!I’m definitely down with the MATOM though. And, my husband and I make jokes about going around and deflating all the damn blow-up pieces of crap all around us each night. WTF is UP with that? They look so ugly during the day when they’re deflated too! Damn that Walgreens for starting this trend!
>AMEN on the “Fruit Snack” complaint, Sister. That name for them is only half right, and I don’t think it’s the “fruit” part. In the meantime my three-year old thinks they actually qualify as fruit, and my one-year old thinks anything big sister likes is the bomb…I’m hating the “Fruit Snack” about now.Oh, and also, the Dora version? Really tastes good. “I like them too!” to paraphrase the old Irish Spring commercial. Damn them!Oh, and that protest with the really long name? The really, really long name? We got that one here too. Glad to have a (succinct:) name for it.
>I am so glad that you are a member of the M.W.T.H.T.M.T.O.T.H. (Moms Who Temporarily Have Too Much Time One Their Hands,) because I laughed my head off at your post!!Now, on with deflating of the freakin’ blow-up Santas…
>F.A.S.T. – Funny Acronyms, Suburban Turmoil
>I am totally there with you about the Doodlebops.
>M.A.T.E.-F.O.K. That’s the one for me! My son has an X-Box, and we bought him the new X-Box (at the retail price from the store!) and I hate those damn things. Bring back the Nintendos!
>Thank goodness I have absolutely no idea who or what the doodlebobs are.I’m a member of D.A.M.M. – Drunks Against Mad Mothers.
>I’m past fruit snacks now, thank you very much. The worst that I had to ever go through was those stupid Gerber teething cookies. Mix those crumbs with baby spit and you end up with a substance that would cement those little foam blocks to the space shuttle for good. Nasty crap never came off anything!
>I’m with you on MABUS! ENOUGH already of the blow-up stuff!! There’s a house a few blocks away that has at least 6 or 7 of those things in the front yard! It looks like a sick Christmas fun house!
>I feel as though I will now impregnate myself- so that I can be in one of your organizations… LOL- so funny.
>I’m in for all the groups! You’re looped woman!
>Hmmmm, can I start a group called M.W.J.W.A.F.N.A.? (Mothers Who Just Want A Fucking Nap Already)
>I’ll call your M.A.T.O.M and raise you one M.A.G.T.A.S.W.T.C.D.M.O.D. (Mothers Against Going to ANY Store With Their Children During The Month Of December.)Can’t say I know what a Doodlebop is though…
>Oh, God…What a riot!Let’s see, how ’bout M.A.G.A. (Mother’s Against Grandparents Advice). For those of us who are tired of in-laws and parents telling us we aren’t raising our kids right, allowing them to get away with too much, etc.We need to combat the onslaught of frustrating observations:”You kids were never this sick all the time. You must be doing something wrong.””When our kids were young they never behaved liked that.””Our kids were all potty trained by the age of two.”You get the idea. Can you tell I’m still recovering from my trip home last week…brrr…
>Am sending in my registration form for M.A.D. right now. Seriously. I’ll be president if you need one.Hilarious post! Bethany