I'm Lindsay Ferrier, a Nashville wife and mother with a passion for family travel, (mostly) healthy cooking, exploring Tennessee, and raising kids without losing my mind in the process. This is where I share my discoveries with you, along with occasional deep thoughts, pop culture tangents and a sprinkling of snark.
August 20, 2015
If you’re a parent, you’re probably getting hit hard right about now with back-to-school catalogs. Sure the clothes are cute, but the lives of kids in catalogs look nothing like our lives when the school year rolls around.
Take a look at back to school, catalog-style:
“Did you hear?” Laredo whispered. “Basmati got sent home for wearing pants that weren’t Fair Trade Certified.”
“Don’t you think little Philomena is a bit young to have a steady boyfriend?” Audrey asked with a raised eyebrow.
“Darling, his maternal grandmother is a Kennedy and his father’s line is riddled with Astors and Whitneys,” Francesca replied “I’d sign the marriage papers right now if I could.”
“Bentley, man, you’re looking SHARP on the first day of school,” Cartwright said admiringly when he spotted him at the bus stop.
“I know, right?” Bentley grinned. “My mom gave me a personal stylist for my eighth birthday!”
I hope you don’t mind that Vibe isn’t wearing her uniform for the game,” Lark told the coach. “Her father and I feel she contributes more as a player when allowed to express her own unique personality.”
“Imagine, Aiden,” Robert laughed. “Some children our age do their homework at the kitchen table!”
“But isn’t that a nuisance for their cook?” Aiden asked with a giggle.
No one was feared on the Upper East Side as much as the Carnegie Hill Gang. They ruled their turf with bow and arrow sets from FAO Schwartz, striking fear in the hearts of pomeranians everywhere.
The teachers quickly realized that Marvin’s ‘schoolboy crush’ on Antonia was spiraling into something far more sinister.
“I like your tricorn,” Ambienna said, blushing madly.
“Oh, this old thing?” Harry replied carelessly, as if he hadn’t spent the last hour carefully adjusting it in the boys room mirror.
“Why is your baby sister coming to school with us?” Britta wondered.
“Feliciteigh is highly gifted,” Balaclava replied. “My parents thought second grade would be more challenging for her than pre-k.”
“It’s called an apple,” Armistead said authoritatively. “They use them in Pop-Tarts, Fruit Roll-Ups, Jolly Ranchers, Toaster Strudels, Gushers, and other stuff like that.”
“We’ve really chosen a very innovative school,” Patchouli told her friends. “Classes are held outside in a field and instead of desks, the children sit on swings.”
At 12, Stanza often found herself yearning for elementary school, when life was simpler and mismatching patterns and textures came naturally.
“I have an idea!” Tennyson laughed. “Let’s just keep standing here and see how long we can make the bus driver wait!”
Header image via Pottery Barn Kids