>Can You Tell I’ve Gotten One Too Many Searches for ‘Sweetney Troll’?
>Like many of you, I’ve been reading all the Internet brouhaha over whether mommybloggers are exploiting their kids for Internet fame. I mean, does anyone really believe that bullshit?
I’m pretty sure that most of the most well-known mommybloggers out there started off like the rest of us did, with maybe ten hits a day on their sites, an urge to talk about their lives, and the desire to show off their adorable kids to a handful of loyal readers.
Why would their voices and desires change simply because their site traffic grew? Why would we want or expect them to? If the opportunity presented itself to put ads on their site so they could receive some small compensation for the enjoyment they’ve given their readers, why would we want to deny them that? I’d rather die than ask you guys for money, but if an advertiser wants to give me money, well, hell yeah. We’re supporting five (soon to be six) people over here on one income and I’ll contribute anything to the effort I can. And trust me. The notion that any of these women (besides Dooce) are making shitloads of money off their ads is laughable. My ad revenue per month is the equivalent of less than a day’s work in my old job. Sure, the money comes in handy, but it will never take the place of a second income.
On the other hand, mommybloggers need to realize, particularly when the site traffic starts to climb, that by blogging, they’ve established themselves as public figures, and can expect to be treated as such. Mostly, that’s a good thing, but they’re also opening themselves to criticism both from valid sources and from assholes.
Since I began writing for the Nashville Scene, more people have been visiting my site and some have felt it in their hearts to personally insult me on everything from my makeup to my choice to stay at home with my kids. I’ve gotten e-mails and comments insulting my family and even my toddler. And of course it’s hard to take, but the truth is that after a few weeks of initial angst and anger, I got used to it. It doesn’t get to me like it did in the beginning. I realize that basically, jerks come with the territory.
Still, some of you say. What about the children? Won’t they be furious with you one day for exploiting their privacy and sharing them with the world?
I find that notion totally ridiculous. The children of mommybloggers are not going to grow up angry that their moms found their voices and used them to proclaim their love for their kids to all who would read about it. They’re going to be angry with the assholes who tried to shut their moms up. Ask my stepdaughters.
Since Hubs has been on television, his personal life has been open to public criticism. As a result, kids and their parents have said some pretty mean things to my stepdaughters over the years, things I can’t even believe came out of an adult’s mouth. But what was said didn’t make the girls angry at their father for being ‘famous’ and exposing them to harsh opinions; instead, they were angry at the people who said the rude words. They learned very early on that childhood bullies often grow up to be adult bullies, and that some parents aren’t any more mature than their children. They’re proud of their dad and his accomplishments and they see the bullshit for what it is.
Of course there’s a part of me that’s continues to be a little gunshy about speaking my mind to a wider audience that’s not entirely composed of friendly, like-minded people. But there’s a bigger part of me who doesn’t want to give in to the handful of assholes out there. And I hope you all feel the same way and act on it. I encourage all of you to be true to your voice and not let one or two bad seeds scare you away from writing about your life and your passions. And if you’re a parent, show your child through your actions, your words and your writing that you don’t back down to bullies, in whatever forms they take.
>I don’t think you even have to defend this. For years, memoirists have written about their lives without criticism. I’m not sure why this changes because it’s online instead of on celluloid or on paper. We tell our stories. That’s what we do. Without stories, what a sad, boring world this would be.
>i think if your blog is a reflection of who you are and how you are feeling, then your kids will be fine with it. i don’t think you need to even explain yourself to anyone, whether they leave you a friendly or unfriendly comment, cuz it’s your blog.
>Totally. When I first read about what happened, I was afraid there were going to be people pointing fingers telling Tracey that she brought this on herself. She (and by extension the rest of us) shouldn’t have to tailor her site or her writing to head off the jerks out there. Most of us write for the cathartic nature of it, and censoring ourselves completely belies the purpose of a blog to begin with.
>Ibe been reading your blog for awhile now. The main thing I have came away with besides laughter is that you guys are one cool family! I have never thought anything you have said would be detrimental towards your children, your mom maybe lol but not your kids 🙂 I cant believe you arent getting paid for your news column!!You should be!!! Those people who troll blogs and leave messed up comments or hate mail first are probably jealous second they probably have messed up lives and try to make others feel like crap cause inside they are miserable!
>I just want to dispel this false notion that our kids are going to be hurt and it will be our faults. That is so untrue. I think our kids will be proud of us in the end, even if there’s some momentary discomfort along the way.Oh and ang, I am getting paid for my column. I’m just saying that the advertising money even the big mommybloggers make is far less than some people seem to believe.
>I haven’t really had any jerks comment on the pics of my kids on my blog (maybe that is because you can’t really comment anonymously) and I can’t have ads on my blog so I don’t deal with that issue either.But, I just wanted to tell you Lindsay, that your honestly and candor always impresses me. While I may not always have the same opinion as you, I will always respect the way you write (whether that be in the Nashville Scene or on your blog). Your bravery has inspired me to be a more honest blogger. It’s made me realize it’s better to say how I feel and risk being disliked than to pretend to be someone I’m not just to make friends.So, anyway…. thanks for that.
>*nodding my head in agreement*
>Lindsay, excellent post.I’m not very good at trackbacks, but you can read my thoughts on this here.
>Of course it’s not exploitation! If writing a blog online encourages you to record your thoughts, opinions, and views on the world, then go for it! I have never been very good at keeping diaries, but for some reason blogging is soooo much easier. I hope that when my son gets older he appreciates being able to read back about his childhood. It beats staring at an empty baby book!
>Lindsay,I have great respect for you, in part because you chose to stay home and take care of your children instead of leaving them with a “caregiver” who doesn’t care.
>it’s not that i’m numb to this kind of bullshit behavior, because when it comes to doing rude things or talking shit about my kid- that’s where it stings the most. i could give a shit what is said about me. i’ve run a message board for over 5 years and i’ve almost heard it all. people are assholes for no other reason than the fact that they CAN BE. people will always talk shit, be rude, act like fucktards. it’s apparently, in some people’s nature. i think it totally crosses the line when they bring children into their insults. it’s my perrogative as blake’s parent to talk about him if i choose too- it is not, however, someone else’s perrogative to take his picture, photoshop it, and be an asshole towards my child. but i think that once you’re “popular”- you’re open to all sorts of criticism. i totally agree with you that it has the potential to come with the territory. it’s not that we still shouldn’t be shocked or horrified by it, but what do you expect from classless people?
>You’re just speaking your mind and telling us about your family. It’s what you’d do with friends. I’m sure your children are fine with this. Some people have nothing better to do but whinge, They look for new things to have a gripe about, they like to inflict misery on others. We out here in Blog Universe love your stories and look forward to your thoughts on life.
>Doing things that embarrass your kids, either now or later, is part of your parental duty.My mom used to talk about me to complete strangers in the grocery store line. How is blogging any different?
>*smooch*That’s all.
>I heard about this and could not figure it out and then clicked on someone’s BlogLines and saw the rude site linked. It seems to go after and target the kids of certain mommy-bloggers.That is just WRONG.I like hearing about other people’s kids and I can’t imagine anyone would consider them “fair game” because their picture is on the internet. Just wrong.However, I rarely even talk about my kids on my site, let alone post a picture. Of course I would like to, I would LOVE to, I’m so proud of them, but I wouldn’t want to open them up to criticism or invade their privacy. That’s just me.
>Life would be boring if we all agreed on the same things now wouldn’t it…Nothing like a little controversy to keep it interesting – Pageant moms get reamed regularly for putting their kids’ “glitz” pics online (I put my daughter’s all the time) but if you can pick her out on the street I’ll kiss yer butt at high noon & give you three hours to collect a crowd… I just started my blog (thanks for the inspiration) and find that coming up with my own ideas is much harder than answering to another’s subject…but even I would not put my child’s pics online so they could be identified … hmmm I don’t know anything about people being jerks toward MY kids LOLOLOL anyway, I’m so tired from all the Halloween festivities and too liquered up on sugar,cocoa, and food coloring (hey, my kids are too cute – they brought home the motherload to SHARE :o) to think straight tonite is a little difficult… but I can’t resist a little post…
>I can understand why some of you wouldn’t put your kids’ pictures online- For me the decision was easier, because my kids already are in the public eye and would be regardless of what I did here. However, obviously, I don’t put my older girls’ pictures up (unless they’re in disguise!) because I think teenagers are a little more sensitive -and- because I’m not their mom and I think that’s got to be a mom’s decision, not a stepmom who takes care of them seven days a week.What bothers me is that one troll can make bloggers who’ve already been posting pictures of the kids rethink that decision and take them all down. I’m saying to those bloggers to please not let one bully influence their decision to share their families with an almost entirely receptive and friendly audience. I feel like that’s giving in.
>Kids are always going to be embarrassed about what their parents say or do about just about anything, especially when it concerns them. I like to think (or delude myself) that as they mature they’ll be just a little proud that their mother wanted to share their ups and downs with the rest of the world because she cared.I’ve stopped letting the bullies of the world push me around, so no worries there!
>Amen!And now I must go raid my children’s candy stash. They’ll be more angry at me for THAT someday than they will be about their pics on my blog!
>I feel like I am not getting the whole story. What prompted this post?
>Gertie, check out the weekend posts on http://www.sweetney.com and http://www.amalah.com for more details.
>Pageant mom said…..I put my daughter’s (pageant pics) online all the time but if you can pick her out on the street I’ll kiss yer butt at high noon & give you three hours to collect a crowd… you won’t believe how i am laughing my ass off right now… kiss yer butt at high noon and give you three hours to collect a crowd. good lord. that’s funny.
>standing up and wildly applauding you. bravo, sister.
>I worry about how my daughter’s going to feel about things. Especially the plethora of photographs I’ve made of her (because I’m never going to be a celeb blogger, lets face it) and put online. … But, for me, I feel that’s something we’ll have to deal with together. She ended up with a mom who can’t NOT take pictures. She got a mom who writes it all down.What if I end up with a kid who’s a Republican and believes that gay marriage equals an assault on family values?No one knows what the future holds, but I have to believe we all need to be ourselves, be civil and keep talking.What I worry about more is Why is this kind of critique aimed at women? If men were blogging about their thoughts about family, would anyone accuse them of such things? I doubt it.
>Talk about Perfect Posts…this was one.
>People I know who are in the process of starting their families, frequently ask me how I dealt with such and such a situation when my kids were smaller.More often than not, I draw a blank. The angst of having had small children has cauterized my memory functions.Since starting my blog, I have started to exercise my ability to remember events as they happen and then record them later.It’s an exercice that I’m glad to have learned.When my kids are grown and ask me, for example, about how their first tooth fell out, I’ll now be able to tell them because I had taken the time to print it in my brain by writing it down.I’m very glad that I’ll be able to tell them something rather than an “I Don’t Remember”. I never want them to ask themselves why they weren’t special enough for me to remember something that important.
>you mean there are bloggers out there getting an average of 10 hits a day?I think I got that many once…maybe!Oh it is true that fame is a fickle mistress!!lol
>Oh man, I’m a few days late reading this (I’ve been hiding out a little), but I have to thank you for writing it. So…um…thank you! Thank you thank you thank. Was wonderful and perfect.