>Dwarf Hamster Gnaws Family Apart!
>A few months ago (as some of you remember), my 13-year-old stepdaughter started making noises about getting a dwarf hamster. The kind of cute and cuddly rodent that’s known for biting people. And running on its little wheel all night long. And escaping. And crawling into vents and then, selfishly, dying.
I quietly FREAKED OUT after imagining a nasty, biting rodent loose in the house, hiding (and doing its business) somewhere in the piles of clothes and teen rubbish that fill my stepdaughter’s room. Or worse, in the baby’s room. Or worse, decomposing somewhere in our A/C vents. EWWWWW!
Thankfully, 13 seemed to forget about it after a few weeks. But last night, fresh off a two-week trip to visit her mother, she presented Hubs with these.
A few fascinating facts about dwarf hamsters.
It’s normal 4 any hamster, not just dwarves, to be nippy when they’re first brought home. It’s under stress because new sights and sounds. Should buy 2 same sex and age. (*TWO? WHAT THE FUCK? Last time, it was ONE!)
After the final stage occurs they get really hyper and playful so change toys and get big cage. (*BIG CAGE? Are you kidding me?! A BIG CAGE in your can’t-even-walk-in-it-now-for-all-of-the-crap room? Geez!)
Dwarf hamsters are much more sociable, they will live in pairs or small colonies (*You go from 2 to SMALL COLONIES?! WTF?!) and will friendly toward humans. They’re cute, since they’re so small it allows slightly less frequent changing of litter (*which she probably takes to mean ‘I don’t have to clean out the cage very often. ACK!) and more animals in a given space (*again with the ‘more animals! What is she trying to start a dwarf hamster ZOO or something?! Great Dane!).
When females get pregnant (*Am I hallucinating or did I just read the word ‘pregnant’ in relation to FUCKING DWARF HAMSTERS?!) they become highly territorial which may include attacking her mate and/or u (*Wonderful. Attacked by a dwarf hamster at 31. That’s one for the memoirs). There’s not a lot of info so you will have to cope with problems on your own (*Why am I thinkng a quick flush of the toilet might be the answer? I keed! I keed!).
“No,” I said to Hubs calmly but firmly. “No and no and no.”
Unbelievably, he had gone into Daddy-should-fulfill-each-and-every-one-of-his-daughter’s-dreams-as-long-as-they-don’t-involve-a-trampoline-a-beauty-pageant-or-cheerleading mode.
“No.” I repeated. “Absolutely, positively no.”
Of course, we discussed it calmly and rationally (because I am not a dramatic person) until I made the following Grand Proclamation:
“If the hamster comes in, I’m going out! And I won’t come back until it’s gone!“
And then I realized how dumb that sounded, so a few minutes later I modified my Grand Proclamation:
“If the hamster comes in, I’m getting a house cat.” (Heh. Hubs is totally allergic to housecats).
But that sounded dumb, too. After about five minutes of stony silene, I tried again.
“If the hamster comes in, I won’t really move out and I won’t get a house cat, but I will be really, really, really, really, really. Really. Upset.”
>Sounds like Mommy Dearest has been at work *wink*
>Yeah. I’m kind of hoping that she has, because it is the best “revenge” I can think of. A truly brilliant scheme. I would have to shake her hand in humble defeat.
>Of course, this could all be a fiendish plot on Miss 13’s part to force you to say No to the rodents and Yes to practically everything else she wants to do … because you’ll be so damn grateful not to have their skinny little legs darting about the house that you’ll capitulate on every other point.
>LOL- fucking hamster. good lord. you’re bigger than the hamster. WAY bigger. oops, what did i just step on?
>Uggggggghhhhh! Good luck standing your ground!
>You MUST fight this. I was 13 once, and I had a thing for rodents. They DO get out of their cages! They DO bite! They DO smell bad and leave little turds ALL over the place. My gerbil managed to chew through the bottom of its cage and then chewing a perfect circular hole in the carpet.I am expecting my first baby in December and I have already laid down the law. NO RODENTS.
>Fancy Rats make much better pets. And so do guinea pigs. I’ve had my fair share of SEVERAL rodents, and will never NEVER never allow my kids to get a hamster or a gerbil. They are EVIL! (and so are Degus.. Degus are the most evil!)
>Blech. Can’t you send the ex a hamster-gram? Seems like she should partake in the joy too… in an effort to bond more closely with her daughter…
>HehHeh. Buy her something shiny, and she’ll totally forget about the biting lil rodents. Trust me.
>Hamster=RAT
>Methinks she already tried this once on Mom, and now is rallying and giving it another go with you.Maybe go for broke and ask her what she really wants? This could be a trampoline tactic!
>A cheerleading beauty queen doesn’t sound so bad now, does it? I bet you’re even thinking about tossing in the trampoline, aren’t you?
>I used to have to pet mice. They rarely got out.(Did I reassure you?):)
>I have a very sad feeling that you are not going to win this one.Sorry & good luck!
>First of all, as i’m new round these parts, God, you’re beautiful. Secondly, I think I’m going to start saying Great Dane. Third, I’m another vote for FUCK NO!
>Cmommy, I will totally win this one, one way or another. It is me or the hamster!
>I have a feeling your getting a hamster. Sorry.
>Well, you’re bigger, so it’s no contest.So when is the hamster moving in?
>Yes, I agree, how did 1 become 2 or even a colony?? Are you opening a pet store from her room?? I hope you guys find a wonderful and hamster-free compromise.
>Hola! Friend of Joel and Neva’s here… I do like me your world and unfortunately agree with Joel though I do think that perhaps a bribe or two involving shiny things might be worth a try… if the battle is lost however, let it not be without strict rules that must be adhered to with regards to maintenance and the like or else the hamster(s) go(es)..
>Can I just say, you have the BEST FACE EVER? You missed your calling as an actress, I think.And you’ve been tagged in the infamous BlogHer Blog Me interview festival. No pressure, just play if you wanna. (It would probably be fun if you and a certain Busy, um, Mom interviewed each other.)
>Do you want to hear how our family hamster got loose in our house, came up missing, and then the HVAC repairman found Daisy in the ductwork? I did have hamsters when I was growing up … and then one in college. My roomie and I had a wild hair up our arse and decided to skip class and go get hamsters. We asked for two of the same sex, of course. What do we get? Of course we do. They were doing it by the end of the day. We had babies weeks later. Then we had to deal with that headache.Good luck, Lindsay. Godspeed, woman.
>Stay strong. Hamsters bite and they are small yucky things… Go for a guinea pig. They are bigger and easier to see.LBC
>Did you photoshop those Hamsters to look evil ? .. coz they look evil.Sons-of-Satan evilDamien-evil.Don’t forget what happened to Lee Remick …
>A few of you don’t seem to understand my force of will (or won’t, in this case). This is my battle to win, dudes.
>Something tells me those “rules” were written by a very helpful petstore owner just happens to sell more hamsters and bigger cages.
>OMG! lol I just love you. Seriously. lol It’s a good thing I don’t have stepchildren who aren’t already grown, from the looks of this.The best parts, of course, are your mental notes and pics illustrating the mental notes. lol The Scene is damn lucky to have you, and so is the blogosphere!!
>Hold the line. I’m counting on you. I have boldly declared a no rodent, no reptile rule in our house but Girlie is working the daddy angle like crazy. Of course they both realize that if they move a snake into the house, I WILL be leaving to a really expensive hotel so that Daddy will realize he can’t afford the snake.
>ok, what I don’t understand is:- How did u end up taking care of teenagers at the age of , umm, late 20s?- Why are the kids living with you and not their own mother?I am sorry to point this out, but at the age of 31, you should be experiencing romance, blissful happiness with Hubs and Baby. WTF are you doing taking care of two teenagers that are not yours? Unless Hubs left the girls’ mother for you….and that’s a who different story!
>Oh wow, that’s so funny!!!! Perhaps you should get that house cat….
>We have been there and done that with the kids. Dwarf hamsters are mean as heck! Go for a guinea pig they are great. House cat is not a bad idea though.
>Dude, anonymous is an asshat, if I may say so. WTF? Who is this anonymous weenie that isn’t even brave enough to leave a name? Haven’t you heard of remarriage? One of my best friends, also in her, heh, very last year of her 20s, has three teenage sons. Her Husband as sole custody of the boys so, yep, she’s parenting and loves them because they ARE her own.God. Are some people really that backwards?
>I would say that she can’t have a hamster until she can use proper grammar to build her case. Then her room has to be kept clean for a month. And her report card has to be good. And then Martians have to land on planet Earth and takeover.
>You should follow each and every one of her fascinating notecard facts with the following question: “AND WHAT DO YOU PLAN TO DO ABOUT THE SMELL??”
>Here kitty, kitty. Or how about a snake? Just think of the hours of entertainment watching the hamster lump in the snake’s belly. Hamsters are rodents. Rodents belong outdoors, I’d say. So, get them a cage to have outdoors!
>Anonymous, I think a lot of people have those questions when they come here for the first time, actually.I’m 31 and I married when I was 26. We had custody of the girls every weekend, which became four days a week about a year later, which became 7 days a week a year ago when the girls’ mom moved to a different state. She only lived a mile away when she was here, so the girls have been a major part of our household even when they weren’t here 24-7.I feel like I was meant to be a stepmom- My parents divorced and both remarried, so I know something about what it’s like to be in the girls’ shoes. As for “romance and bliss with Husband and Baby,” I question that it would be much easier without the older girls. A baby changes EVERYTHING and the girls have actually helped in that respect by babysitting as much as possible, taking the pressure off of me and letting my husband and I have date nights pretty much whenever we want.And no, he didn’t leave the girls’ mom for me. I didn’t even meet him until two years after that happened. So that’s the scoop.
>Please please don’t cave. Hamsters are HORRID! I had one and nothing gets that smell out of clothing, carpeting, curtains, and chairs, all things that were in the room with the hamster cage when I was a teenager. No matter how cute they are when they run around in that little plastic ball on the floor and run into furniture, nothing is cute about their pellet turds on the floor, or worse, when they pee in the ball. It’s not so cute anymore.
>And we all know that many *reallys* equals no sex. Hubs should totally pick up on that I would think.
>As children we begged and pleaded and worked as much as we could for one of those dear little rodents. Mom & dad caved on the trampoline DECADES before they ever gave in on the rodent–oh wait, they still haven’t caved and none of us live at home anymore!You can totally win this. And their lives will be better off for it. Really you’re doing them a favor for saying no–they should be thanking you for saving them from the toxic fumes they’d be sleeping with…rodents stink!
>Holy crap that was funny. And then the pictures! HAHAHAHA. Just the mere thought of smelly rodents make me crings. You must stand your ground! 🙂
>but they are SO CUTE! lol, sorry. heh, I used to have guinea pigs and mice and newts and all kinds of stuff for pets and I just LOVE ‘EM!
>eeeew those little rats…and I’m totally talking about the hamsters. I was bitten by one when I was seven so never got the desire to OWN one. Maybe you should have 13 get bitten? Maybe her infatuation with the creatures will be gone…Hoping you win…because I’d hate to have those smelly things in my house too.
>I have a couple of guinea pigs 13 could borrow if she wants. Do you think they’d make it to you via Fed Ex?Mine was almost six when she said she wanted a hamster. I did my research and decided on a guinea pig instead. Hamsters are more fussy, etc. Only not enough research was done because of that whole, there should really be two of them thing. So now, we have Nibbler and Linny. So far, no escapes, poop is mostly contained although there are vast quantities of it.However, I would rather have a dog any day!P.S. I bet you really are the coolest stepmom ever.
>Tell her that she has to keep her room clean, and I mean clean, for two months before she can have the responsibility of taking care of the hamster zoo. If she can’t keep her own room clean, how can she keep a hamster arena clean? I’m guessing she won’t keep your room clean, then you are in the clear.
>I wanted a snake when I was 10 years old. Only because I was in Florida and had a boa around my neck.My dad mad a bet with me for $5.00. so I went through this phase for a long time. My mom said it was her or the snake. My dad changed his tune. I never got the snake, my mom won.Now I hate snakes and they scare me to death.So if your husband is wise, he better let you win.Good Luck
>I agree with the keeping the room clean thing. Sanitary conditions or no pets.AAaaaannnndddd…proper grammar and spelling when, after she’s kept her room clean for 6 months, she asks again in writing.
>umi’ll be honestthose things are a fucking nightmare to keep in a cage. I had a few years ago that would magically vanish no matter how much shit we put on the cage. One actually appeared after about 3 weeks and seemed just fine.good luckyou’ll need it
>get the hamster. if your 13 yr old was anything like me, it’ll done of malnutrition and dehydration in, like, 3 weeks. job done.(fucking hI-Larious post, btw!)
>”die” I meant “DIE” not done.I’s got engerlish degree, me write good.
>You should write up your own note cards, in the same poor text-message style of English, to tell her exactly why the rodent is a no-go.I see this being a long battle, so start diggin’ your trenches girl! And good luck – the only place rodents belong is in the mouth of a cat.
>….I heard that white mice make nice pets…Go for an iguana. I mean, lizards and reptiles have to be better than plague-carrying vermin.My older brother had two gerbils. We’re not sure who ate who (or is it who ate whom?) anyhow one gerbil became a meal to either the female gerbil or our dog, and the second one definitely was the dog.Go with the impossible bargain… Get her a gold fish. Tell her if she can keep the goldfish alive for three months, you’ll give her a dwarf hamster. Trust me, it’ll die. Especially if you start adding salt to the water.
>Just say no to white mice as well. My roommate my 1st year of college got two. They smelled terrible, made noise at all hours, and ripped each other’s fur off. Digusting.
>If it comes down to it, let her have them and then release them into an empty lot while she’s away. “Sorry 13, I told you they would get out.” (evil laugh)
>Heh. I’ve thought of that.
>I know the kids’ mom is in another state, but maybe she would like to maintain the hamster(s!) for the kids to visit…? ;^)
>I am routing for you. No rats…umm, hamsters in the house. I’m allergic to cats and whenever my kids start in with the “I’m going to die if I can’t have a kitten” routine I tell them they sure can…when they are 18 and living in the own place. That shuts them up because they all want to live with me forever…Do you think she’ll settle for a goldfish?
>If your house is like my house, the experience will be short-lived (ha ha) and end with a flush, and then for at least 2 years you can refuse all subsequent pets by pointing out that you accomodated the hamsters. Although the idea of a DWARF hamster is really confusing.
>sounds like a young attorney in your household.
>1. I’m with mooselet. Write up your own notecards, but list and describe the various ailments one can contract from hamster feces. Include flesh-eating bacteria.2. Send a dead hamster by mail to the ex. If 13’s still pressing the hamster thing after her next visit with mommy, then send mommy two more dead hamsters. Continue this routine as long as necessary. (Don’t ask me where to find dead hamsters. I guess you could use plastic ones.)3. Buy a large snake.May the force be with you.
>Hamsters are just rats with better PR. Not in my house either.My daughter wants a dog, but I’ve been blessed with two other daughters who think dogs are synonymous with the black plague so I’ve been fortunate– no dogs for nearly five years.But I will admit it is hard to say no to puppy dog kid eyes– and then I look out at my pretty yard, my landscaping and sniff my non-dog scented air and I plant my feet firmly in my dogless ground.
>No. Damn. Dwarf. Hamster.
>Poor you…I lived through this nightmare already…The Hamster lived for wayyyyyy tooo long…We had this one, Marina the sweet, my daughter could pick it up and cuddle it…and then…I…I!!!! did not lock the cage up properly… And it was lost…(NEVER to be found again)We quickly got a new one…This one was evil…It was a nasty piece of work… It spit, it bites, and it lived utterly neglected for 3 years…(They are only supposed to live 2 years)It was relegated to the basement… and it was happiest when left alone…and no matter how often YOU … because it will be YOU… clean the cage… it still smells… especially if she starts selling him on the idea of tunnels and ports…
>Totally thought you were topless in those photos at first.My middle one got a cob up her ass about a hamster once. We went to our local pet store to investigate and the adorable little hamster…BIT ME! Not only are they biters – they’re nocturnal. Does she know that? They’ll be running on that squeaky wheel at 3am keeping her awake. Stand your ground! (however, the dog would have a big time with that hamster….I’m just sayin…)
>You were nominated for a RFS Blog Award! Go get the button and tell all your friends to vote for you!
>Off topic, but you have great eyebrows! LOL
>Do you read Rob’s site? He loves dwarf hamstersJust google site:http://www.darn-tootin.com dwarf hamstersand you’ll have info from a grown up that is as excited as your kid.
>It’s time to rethink the trampoline.
>I have two wonderful dwarf hamsters, Thomas and Tinky. They’re the most adorable pets I ever had. And unless you wake them up suddenly during the day, they NEVER bite. I keep them in a medium sized aquarium so they can NEVER escape. And I change the bedding twice a week so it NEVER has time to smell bad.That’s all you’d have to do + get two males so you’d be %100 sure you will never have a colony.:)
>i seem to have a dwarf hamster two actually there very cute and adorable they don’t make any noise the worst it can come down to is that they bite quite often but the little shit won’t have any fucking problem with getting used to you
>oh wow you guys you have fucking problems you all are real asses i can’t belive you don’t like dwarf hamsters >:( there ADORABLE!!!! i have two cuddles,and cotton ball 80% of them is fur there so fucking cute! i have actually a whole coloney i’m a stupid breeder so yeah say all you want asses
>dwarf hamsters are great little pets when you socialize them, but don’t let the kid get any, she’ll get bored and they’ll die of neglect.Some really horrid people on this blog suggesting that you let her get it and have this happen/kill them/release them. No respect for life.