>Fool Me Twice
>Months ago, Punky had a friend over– a “friend” who was the shameless carrier of a wretchedly phlegmy head cold. A “friend” who coughed her wretchedly phlegmy germs on every available surface (not to mention all over my kids) while she was here. Understandably, I was more than a little ticked that her mom had brought her over to play and, judging from your comments, so were you. Rest assured that I never asked little Ella back…
…at least until Friday. Punky had seen Ella at the grocery and begged for me to let her come over again. Reluctantly, I agreed. After all, it’s August- not exactly the season for sickness. Once again, Ella’s mom dropped her off and once again the girls played for several hours, holding hands and hugging periodically throughout their playtime. Ella also loves running around with Bruiser, and she grabbed and kissed and snuggled with him a good dozen times while she was here.
Toward the end of her stay, Ella was kind enough to share with me that the girl she plays with at daycare had thrown up on her that day.
“Oh really?” I asked.
“Yeah, she’s going to the doctor now,” Ella announced casually.
“And uh, did you play with her all day until she threw up?”
“Oh, yes. She’s my best friend. We played all day.”
“And did her mommy tell your mommy what happened?”
“Yeah, she told my mommy that Olivia had thrown up. She told my mommy she’s taking Olivia to the doctor.”
And then Ella’s mommy brought her over to my house, without saying a word about the fact that Ella had been exposed all day to some kind of stomach virus. Oh, I was willing to overlook this sketchy sickness practice once, but this time? It was one time too many.
Here and now, I’m vowing revenge. I don’t know when. I don’t know how. But I will have revenge.
Any ideas? I’m thinking of wrapping a few head lice in a ring box from an expensive jewelry store. Heh.
>OMG. Don’t even joke about lice. (Shudder.) After the dreaded warning note came home from school last year, I was freaked out. And SO pro-active. We switched to tea tree shampoo, pulled my daughter’s hair up every day, used lots of hairspray, etc. Three days later, there the little bastard knits were, on the underside of her hair I’d so meticulously put in braids for the day. I totally lost my shit, and spent the rest of the night treating hair, combing, running the washer and dryer, crying, cursing, in general, having a breakdown. My washer and dryer ran for 24 hours straight. I guess my panic was a good thing, because the action that came out of it got rid of the problem in that one night. No more lice, but I stayed fearful until school got out. I wouldn’t wish all that on my worst enemy. Send her a virus, a rash, even pinworms. Just not lice. ๐
>Sounds like the mother has a bad case of stupid going on.
>Forget getting her kid sick. Get that bitch sick! We all know the hell that breaks loose when Mom is sick.(I kid, I’m a wuss and wouldn’t ever retaliate. It would be funny though.)
>I would oh so casually say, Ella said she got puked on, that stinks. Do you think everyone will get it now?And watch the woman try to explain why it was ok to bring her that day. Poor ella, at the mercy of her mother.
>Of course, it’s way more fun to ensure that the mother THINKS Ella’s going to get Rotavirus or lice than for her to actually get them. Maybe I should send her an e-mail that Punky is projectile vomiting and cc it to a bunch of fake e-mail addresses… ๐
>OMG mothers like this really p*ss me off.
>Dear Ella’s Mom,Punky really loves playing with Ella and I think Ella is great, but unfortunately, you seem to feel that what I don’t know won’t hurt me or my child.The last two times you’ve brought Ella over for a playdate, she has either been ill enough not to go to daycare or had just been exposed to an illness. Both times you knew about these illnesses. Neither time did you feel it was appropriate to let me know.I’m afraid that this means that Punky and Ella will no longer be able to have playdates.Sincerely,ST.
>Eh…I would just make sure Punky is snotty and coughing and phlegmy and then send her to Ella’s house…tell Punky not to use manners and to cough everywhere…wipe her nose on Ella’s shirt, toys, pillow. Be sure to cough and sneeze on the bed pillows, into cups, on the table, and all over the mother, especially.I’m done with trying to be nice and keeping my kids home when they’re sick. My kids come home with stuff all the time because some mom is too…WHATEVER…to keep her kid home for a few days. So I’m sending my kids out sick.
>This is a pet peeve of mine. My kids are all older now, way, older but my son ended up in the hospital with a respiratory flu when he was eight months old because our neighbor sent her kid over to play with my daughter with a FEVER and what sounded like TB. As soon as I heard this kid cough I sent her back home. Two days later I’m watching my baby get an IV in the emergency room which took hours and multiple pokes because he became so dehydrated. What the hell is wrong with these people? Do we have to post signs on our doors? โIf your child is showing signs or recently been exposed to illness, DO NOT ENTERโ Of course the mothers that are already clueless wonโt think it means them.
>Casually mention to Ella’s mom that your entire family has been stricken with explosive diarrhea that may or may not have to do with a parasite that your reporter husband may or may not have picked up while researching a story about the government’s failure to properly quarantine infectious disease carriers.Tell her she might want to keep an eye on Ella. And everybody else in her family. And neighborhood. Those pesky parasites are hella easy to pass on.
>Well, how about when it’s your Sister-in-Law that does this constantly? I cannot even tell you how many times she’d shown up with her 2 and 3 year olds who then proceeded to kiss and hug and lay all over my 1 and 3 year old. “why are they both in short sleeves,Tara? It’s 30 degrees outside.””Oh, they were both up all night with really high fevers. But don’t worry,they’re on Tylenol today.”Arggghhh!
>I hate when parents do that. I think a polite letter stating why they can’t play and her DD has lost a friend should work although getting the mom sick sounds awesome.
>Do you think she would notice if your kid had chickenpox? That gets my vote. My second choice is head lice. Or bed bugs. Have any bed bugs or fleas handy?
>This is awful – I hate that my daughter gets sick and I take time off work to get her better because SOMEONE ELSE didn’t keep their sick kid home. I once called parents to let them know that my daughter had just been diagnosed with pink eye – and was told “oh, our little preshus just got over that – it went around her daycare.” Mystery solved as to where my daughter got it since no one in her daycare had it…If you’re sick or your kid(s)is/are sick: STAY HOME, for crying out loud!!!
>Now that would be wiping a$$ and taking names!
>Now that would be wiping a$$ and taking names!
>I get such a kick out of reading your blog everyday, I decided to award you with the “I Love Your Blog” award… it’s over on my site!
>People just don’t think. I am trying to convince myself of this, because if that’s not what that woman’s problem is, then it means pawning her daughter off on you for an afternoon was more important than keeping another child from being sick. And that makes me very sad.
>Oh, please. Haven’t you heard of brownies with Ex-Lax icing?
>I’m with Liz, tell her the truth.
>I vote that you obtain lice and plant them in her car.
>I think the next time you walk through the door, be ready with surgical masks for both of them. Don’t say anything or act like it’s odd. Just smile, hug them, then hand them the masks.
>Ok, I do love the blog, so consider these words of love. Get. Over. It. Kids get sick. Consider it one less illness that Punky will get when she starts school. Or just lysol the germ kid down on the front porch before you let her in the house. Either way.
>Okay, I’m glad you are anonymous, because that kind of attitude drives me CRAZY. I hear that from time to time from other moms (these kids are gonna get this virus eventually anyway- Why should I keep my kid home from playgroup/preschool/daycare?) and to me it just seems so rude, because if Punky’s sick, I almost always cancel her playdates and if I do let her do something, I feel horribly guilty about it. So when other moms don’t extend me the same courtesy, it really pisses me off. This doesn’t EVEN mean I don’t like the women who do it- Some women with this attitude are my friends, and will be regardless of whether their kids are getting over a bug when they come over (and that’s precisely why I haven’t told Ella’s mom off, and never, ever will). And I’m not obsessive about germs either. I’m really not. But if your kid is OBVIOUSLY sick or was exposed to something as annoying as a stomach virus, and the playdate is not even important? For heaven’s sake, keep her home!
>I once coughed on a a coworker’s fax when I was very sick, and hidden behind a cubicle. It worked VERY well. Maybe the next time Punky is sick, revenge will just come naturally.
>I have two asthmatic boys, so yeah, anonymous pisses me off too. We have ended up in the ER and even had extended hospital stays multiple times because someone decided for us that our kids needed to build up their immune systems. If your kid is sick, give the parent the choice. If they want the immune boost, they’ll tell you it’s fine to bring your kid over. You have no idea if their kid has a compromised immune system that will make them much sicker than your kids sniffles, whether they have a wedding to go to over the weekend which will be compromised if they get sick, or if their parent is just sick of being sick… so give the info and let them decide.Sorry for the rant, this is a sensitive topic for me!
>Well, it’s going to be hard to hide from this woman’s child forever. Since you don’t at all seem like the passive type, I think you would have to say something–no need to tell her off, just mention something the next time plans are made.Has she ever invited Punky to her house?
>i’ve been itching since the last part, through reading all those comments. just tell her you think punky has lice. then she can have a compulsive itch. it’s not pretty. scratch. scratch.
>First of all, I don’t understand moms dropping kids off for a playdate. I go with him. I don’t want the other parent being a babysitter; I think I should be there to watch his behavior. I mean, that’ll stop soon, but for now, I’m responsible.Second, I know parents like Anonymous who say “they’ll get sick blah blah blah.” Well, they’re going to see porn, too, but I’m not going to expose him to it! You know, they’re going to get hurt, too, but I don’t push my son down the stairs! ha ha!Third, I think it’s just human decency to ask/talk about it. I have 2 friends whose boys have respiratory issues. Even if my son is sniffling in December, I ask them if it’s alright to come over. Now, my friends and I have this understanding. If it’s winter and they’ve not a little sniffle, then no biggie. But if there’s snot and coughing and fever, NO WAY. Is that rocket science?????
>Oh yeah, I forgot. Confrontation-phobic as most people are, I think you should gently mention your sick policy.
>I have no idea about ways to take revenge, but, oh my goodness! Did it not even cross her mind to say SOMETHING?! I can’t even imagine being that oblivious!
>Oh yea, the gift wrapped head lice always does the trick! SNORT!
>That is so not even okay at all. Just be like, oh, we fed Ella dinner. I hope she’s got built up immunity to the salmonella thing going around, we don’t really follow those recalls. Plus, those peppers and tomatoes are much cheaper if you buy the infected ones.Oh, and I guess we probably shouldn’t have served the salmonella with a side of paint chips. Oops.
>Anonymous apparently never had to be rushed to the Red Cross for an emergency chicken pox vaccine because her dear friend forgot to mention that her son had been exposed at school and then exposed you, 6 months pregnant( I have never had it- so very bad news to get it while preggers)…Common sense dictates that if your child has any symptoms that would keep them home from school (fever, diahrea, colored snot) you don’t foist them off on a friend. It’s one thing to randomly pick up germs- that is part of life and helps build a strong immune system, but knowingly exposing someone is irresponsible.
>Before you decide I’m bad mother/friend of the year, I worked very hard to keep my kids home from everywhere when THEY were the ones that were sick. And I appreciate the same courtesy from other mothers. I agree Ella should have stayed away with her nasty cough.But as a mom who has had to use daycare, my kids were constantly exposed to other kids and their germs. So, if I were to cancel a playdate every time they were around another kid with a cough, stomach virus, runny nose, ear ache, etc. They wouldn’t get to play very much. I’m not on a personal mission to innoculate other people’s children. I just wish we had more germ-free childcare options available. Until I find them, I guess we’ll just play with the other germ ridden children.Valerie (aka anonymous)
>My daughter is in chemotherapy treatment and her immune system is absolute crap. A note went out at the beginning of school explaining about her heath and that there could be none of that fever/obviously sick stuff going on. Friday a mom dropped her kid off at school with a flipping fever and a cough. Really? This isn’t just about passing a cold, she could literally KILL my kid! I got my ugly on. Hope it doesn’t come to that for you.
>One more thing – this IS why mommy blogging is very relevant. Conversations like this make it very obvious how public policies on things such as sick leave and family leave affect ALL of us – even those of us who work in the home.FYI – http://www.sickdaysohio.orgValerie (aka – that awful anonymous person)
>Sometimes, that kind of thing even happens in families: in ’03, my eldest nephew and new wife brought their one year old to our Xmas get together. Everyone wanted the young ‘un to see his first Xmas. Well, no one was told that young ‘un had just gotten over a stomach flu bout that day.Day after the Xmas gathering, seven of us were stricken…it was then we were told.I haven’t been unhappy having to work Xmas Day the last four years after that ๐
>bake her a nice coffee cake, have your NOW sick child Sneeze all over it and drop it off with the ruse that you are so thankful the kids had a good time playing! WOrks everytime!!!!! (If by some miracle your kid doesnt get sick, bring by the cake to a nursing home, volunteer to read the newspaper to an blind resident( THIS PREVENTS THEM FROM ACTUALLY SEEEING THE CAKE and having THEM whine for a piece – or you could bake two and leave one there- which is a nice thing to do, so Kudos for volunterring your time to the elderly AND bringing cake), prefarably with a cold and let him sniffle all over it, and drop it off! It may seem like alot of work, but trust me- when she calls sniffling.. its all worth it!
>Valerie, thanks for “outing” yourself, but you didn’t have to do that. ๐ I totally understand why moms who work outside the home are forced into situations in which their contagious child had to go in with other children. I have several friends with children in daycare and, you’re right, they seem to spend most of the winter coming down with one thing after another. I worry when the childcare attitude becomes the attitude about voluntary playdates. I think when a mom exposes her sick child to others and it’s not even necessary, it’s just plain rude. No one likes being sick, and no one enjoys the extra care/worry that go into having a sick child. So why would a mother knowingly put other moms through that?
>Oh, this reminds me of my oldest daughter’s first year of softball. I naively didn’t buy her her own helmet, and she got head lice from another girl, whose mother didn’t even bother to mention that her daughter had lice! I battled that shit ALL.SUMMER.LONG. I immediately bought her her own helmet, and 5 years later, I am still completely anal and rigid about her not letting anyone else on her team use it.
>Do you really take the word of a three year old as the gospel of the day’s events? ?
>I actually don’t know any three-year-old children. !
>Oh Paula- SAME THING HERE! Last summer, I actually DID buy her, her own helmet for that very reason- but she didn’t want to wear it and guess what? SUPERFLEAS, as they came to be known in our house. What a nightmare- my younge one got them too, so it was a long, hot summer, sitting on the porch, nitpicking- which my kids will tell you I ordinarilly love to do, but not this kind!
>Ok, sure there is a difference between childcare and playdates, but the point I am trying to make is that if I kept myself and my kids home from fun things every time we had a cough and sniffles or were exposed to someone who had these things, we would NEVER, EVER go anywhere. I work in healthcare and get showered in germs everyday. I don’t take my contagious kids to other peoples houses but if I canceled every engagement because someone in my family had been around a sick kid, we would all be stuck at home.There’s something called the hygiene hypothesis that is gaining some backing and empirical evidence. Google it. It’s my answer to the Bath and Body antibacterial gel welding moms that wash their kids down every time my kid coughs their way. (j/k – i tell my kid to cough into his elbow not on other kids. don’t come after me)Sorry to take over your thread, but thanks for the discussion. See I need to get out more and stop ranting on other people’s blogs!Valerie
>you could mention casually that you let her play with a visiting lizard and then OOOPS! TOTALLY FORGOT to wash her hands until after she had eaten a bunch of pirates booty (very cheesy. must lick) and HOLY SHIT you don’t want to WORRY HER or anything, but you KNOW….lizards DO carry salmonella. and just…you know…watch ella REALLY carefully for signs of salmonella. to be safe, she probably should stay home from school for a while.
>The woman KNOWS her kid couldn’t go to daycare. Those rules exist so that other kids DON’T get sick. She’s seriously STUPID if she thinks kids outside of daycare don’t deserve the same respect. I know they get sick at daycare too, but as someone who works with kids in a daycare setting…SERIOUSLY. Keep your sick kids at HOME. It ruins things for EVERYONE. AND TEACH YOUR KIDS TO COVER THEIR MOUTHS. Beat the crap out of her mom. You can do it! Just Kidding…send the letter. That kind of embarrassment sticks and just might save some other kids!