>Guest Post: Niihaus

I’m on vacation and I’m sitting in my hotel room and you’ll never guess what has stalked me all the way to Florida. My nemesis: Family Fun Magazine. That’s just what I want to see while I’m on vacation, a magazine that makes me feel inadequate as a cardholder in the Mother’s Union. On the cover for this month: Cute Clay Crafts and when you’re all Clay Crafted Out you can then begin having Healthy Fun and playing Healthy Games. Now, I’m not anti “Out-of-this-world Birthday Parties” but I just don’t know how someone has that kind of time, what with all the “8 New Board Games You Have To Try”.

The ad page for Advil and the Lunchables I can totally relate to. Those 2 pages make me think this magazine was actually targeted towards Moms Like Me. And, I will admit my family took a mini vacation to Hershey, Pennsylvania because of a write up in Family Fun. But, seriously, the Cute Clay How To for the Roly-Poly Piglet could just turn ugly in my house. The Boy would insist on naming his after his sister and would make confirmations of their relationship all while carefully squishing the clay pig’s nose. The Girl would find herself completely distraught if it didn’t turn out perfectly and when told that we wouldn’t be taking pictures of her during the craft project, would quickly lose interest. The Baby would insist that her pig have a vagina because we are all about anatomical correctness and we are very driven towards female-gender-only currently. So, you see Family Fun, your Cute Clay Craft Bullshit has just made me need that Advil and because I will have given up all hope I will sling a Lunchable on the table because I’m spent.

This magazine is truly out to get me.

I do subscribe though. I can’t help it. I’m a masochist. I like to read about “the others” and how they are raising amazing children in amazingly crafty environments. There’s some sick part of me that likes to know there are people out there creating doll couches from tissue boxes and celebrating the birthdays of each vegetable in their garden. It gives me confirmation that the world is made up of such vastly different people raising different families. So, if my kid shows up with her Vagina Pig please let it sit on your Homemade Doll Couch; at least you’ll know we have a Family Fun subscription in common.”