Use these helpful tips to transform your fashionably challenged husband from from dowdy dud to STYLE STUD.
Whether you’re headed to a date night, weekend brunch, or a wedding, most wives know all too well that giving a husband total control of his outfit is a sort of like giving Donald Trump total control of his Twitter account — It’s bound to end badly.
The trouble is, you’ve got enough to do keeping up with your own wardrobe, much less your husband’s. That’s why this season, I’m doing the hard work for you. I’ve scoured the designer menswear collections for fall 2017 and tirelessly compiled this handy guide to help you make sure your husband’s look is on fleek for fall, no matter what the occasion!
1. Give your husband the gift of an on-trend work wardrobe.
Throw out those frumpy Brooks Brothers suits! Your husband will definitely turn heads at the office in a Thom Browne tweed bodysuit, and the matching cap will cover his bald spot! Be sure to buy him plenty of button-down shirts with extra-long cuffs; not only will they impress clients, they’ll also come in handy when a sneeze catches Hubsy-ubsy unawares.
If your husband works in a more casual environment, make sure he has plenty of ill-fitting trousers in the hottest color of the fall season — RED. Pair them with his favorite fashionably hideous thrift store sweater (and be sure he tucks it in!) for TOTAL WORKPLACE DOMINATION.
2. Make sure his outerwear reflects his inner fashionisto.
The next time your husband is on a beer run, replace that boring L.L. Bean field coat with this bold monotone ensemble from Craig Greene. The striking cloche hat will keep what hair he has left dry, while the weatherproof skirt will make him a man of mystery, as onlookers in the carpool dropoff line try to determine whether he’s a suburban dad– or the new librarian’s assistant.
When the weather gets chilly, your Hubs will look like the (Pea)cock of the Walk in this mohair shawl coat from Alexander McQueen. Pair this with a weed eater and he’ll certainly cut a fine figure in the front yard this fall!
3. Keep the passion alive with dramatic date night options.
Nothing says ‘Let’s get it on’ like a date night outfit handcrafted by Himalayan sherpas from the remnants of prayer rugs. (On a budget? Target rugs work just as well!) Such a fashion-forward look ensures the maitre’d at that fancy restaurant will seat you in a secluded and deeply romantic corner as soon as humanly possible.
A simple ‘I heart you’ goes a long way on a date — You’ll hear it from your husband all night long when he tops his look with this uber-sophisticated shrug from Raf Simons. He’ll get so many compliments, don’t be surprised if he wears it again on Poker Night with the guys!
4. Fill his weekend wardrobe with sartorial statements!
No need for your big guy to bother getting dressed on Saturday mornings — Just hand him a shapeless bespoke coat and a pair of Converse sneakers and he’s good to go!
For those of you with husbands who like attention, consider this eye-catching look from Facetasm. He’ll feel right at home wherever he may roam, whether it’s an art gallery opening — or a bank robbery!
The one item every husband should have in closet this fall, though, is a gigantic reindeer sweater. Just keep a close eye on your man when he’s wearing this thing — Every woman in the room will be after him.
If your dude is forgetful, consider this oversized option from Raf Simons — He can keep all his stuff in the pocket!
5. When it comes to your soulmate’s style, it’s all about the details!
Your husband’s hair has probably always been a point of contention — Do what it takes this fall to convince him that a man-bob is all that’s standing between him and that promotion. You’ll also want to invest in an industrial-grade flatiron.
Keep that man-bob place with the hottest man-trend of the fall season — a headscarf! And don’t even think of blowing your budget on expensive new scarves from Italian designers — Instead, simply repurpose one of the many man scarves you bought him this time last year! He’ll love it when you tenderly send him off to work each morning with a brisk straightening of his chin knot!
Perhaps the most important accessory you can buy your husband this fall is a man purse. Once he realizes that he can fit his wallet, keys, iPhone, burner phone, business cards, Kleenex, breath spray, gummy bears, jock itch cream, Swiss Army knife, and Sport Clips punch card in there, he’ll be a man purse LIFER. I guarantee it.
Make sure he protects those squinty baby blues with a pair of Hardior sunglasses. This look just screams SVP of Operations, don’t you think?
Now sit back and enjoy the results of your hard work:
Your husband is now pretty much guaranteed to be the focus of everyone’s attention this fall! He’ll be so grateful for your help and you’ll be thrilled to be seen on the arm of a man who knows a thing or two about GOOD TASTE.
Header image via Moschino.