>It’s a Girl! It’s a Book Review!

> It’s another blog book tour, folks! Andi Buchanan was nice enough to invite me to review her newest anthology, It’s a Girl. The book features 32 essays on raising daughters, by such notable writers as Joyce Maynard, Jennifer Lauck and Gayle Brandeis, and it’s a terrific read.

I devoured It’s a Girl, staying up way too late several nights in a row to finish just one more essay and even going ten lonnnnng extra minutes on the elliptical machine at the gym because I was totally engrossed in my reading and fascinated by the glimpses I got into other women’s mothering experiences.

Relating them with my own experiences, though, was another matter. Many of the writers were die-hard feminists or self-professed tomboys, college professors or published authors. While their ideas and perceptions made for interesting essays, in comparison I felt dull and suburban, a Target where only Henri Bendel would do.

One writer worried that dressing her toddler in tutus and princess hats might cause her to fall prey to gender stereotypes. Another was tempted to ban Barbie from her house because of her impossibly big boobs and tiny waist. Still another scorned the pink, frilly things given to her by friends before her baby was born.

I, on the other hand, didn’t grapple with any of these issues. Baby had a tutu (purchased by me) before she was six months old. She’s been dressed primarily in pink since the day she was born. And the truth is, I can’t wait for the day when Baby chooses her first Barbie. I loved Barbie dolls and keep a huge moving box stuffed full of them in the attic, which I’ll present to Baby one day as a rainy day surprise when she’s older.

I have spent every moment of my life absolutely loving being a girl. And now, I can’t wait to be the one to introduce her to nail polish and charm bracelets and Bonne Bell lip balm and dolls. Lots and lots of dolls.

Of course, I’m hoping she’s sporty, too (and I have absolutely no doubt Hubs will take care of that side of things), and I’m encouraging her gender-neutral obsession with all things animal, but I believe God gave me my ability to apply makeup flawlessly for one reason and one reason only: so that one day, I could share my secrets with my daughter.

It’s a Girl made me wonder if I should be questioning whether it’s right to pass down all the girlish things I’ve always loved and treasured. Will Baby grow up contemplating a boob job because of her Barbie dolls? Will she be less likely to pursue soccer or basketball if I buy her cheerleader pom poms? Will she develop an eating disorder if she sees me go on a diet?

I don’t really think so. By the time I was old enough to worry about my weight, Barbie had long since been banished to the basement. Cheerleading was a total waste of time, but it did make me popular and you know what? Popular was not a bad thing. In fact, popular gave me much of the confidence I have today. As for eating habits, take a look at the high schoolers these days, ladies. Times have changed from when we were teenagers. A number of my stepdaughters’ friends, who would have been embarrassed by their weight if they’d gone to my high school back in the day, aren’t looked at twice by their peers now. Super thin, with a few notable exceptions in every school, just isn’t what it used to be.

The point is, all of my girls have to try on certain behaviors and attitudes for themselves. Rather than trying to ban the things that might be behind them, I’d rather use them as opportunities to talk about the kinds of positive and negative impacts they might have, whether we’re talking about a tummy-baring t-shirt, a Seventeen Magazine subscription or a crass teen movie. Fortunately, most of the other mothers came to that conclusion, too. They just, um, actually thought about it, while I was blithely stuffing my Toys R Us cart with Bratz dolls.

Interestingly, despite our differences, all of the moms of It’s a Girl and I had a major realization in common. Our girls are not extensions of ourselves- they have minds of their own. Nothing we can do or say will change that fact. Resistance is futile. Worse, resistance is potentially alienating.

So despite being forced to question my fuddy-duddy, Wal-Mart-endorsed femininity, I absolutely recommend that you read this book if you’re rearing a girl. I see nothing but value in thinking about all of these issues, particularly after seeing them through the eyes of another mother. Now I’m keeping my fingers crossed that Andi’s next project will be It’s a Blended Family!

Because I could really use some pointers in that department…