>Retreat!
>As a girl growing up in the South, I went on a lot of retreats. It seemed like every group I was part of held a retreat, from my school singing group to my church youth group to my cheerleading squad. When I was on them, I thought nothing of sleeping in dorm rooms or cabins, sharing a mirror with ten other girls, getting up at the crack of dawn and squealing at spiders in the bathrooms. It was all part of the fun.
Fast forward to now. After some very good friends practically begged my husband and me to go on a couple’s retreat (the men’s was last weekend, the women’s was this weekend), we agreed. We both acted reluctant, but secretly, I was a little bit eager. I imagined singing kumbaya around a campfire, stuffing myself with chips and brownies and giggling with other women in our bunk beds late into the night. But once arrived, I was faced with the cold, hard reality that my retreat glory days are totally over.
Oh, I made some new friends and appreciated the chance to focus on my life at a time when all of my focus is on everyone else’s lives but mine, but that’s not what I’m talking about. I’m talking about sleeping on a wooden bunk bed platform atop a thin foam mattress with the upper bunk maybe a foot above my face, all while four months pregnant. I’m talking about huddling in a corner changing clothes in a room filled with 12 other women and taking ice cold showers in a communal bathroom. I don’t really enjoy that kind of thing anymore. Even putting on makeup in front of other people was weird. Did I look funny using eyeshadow as eyeliner? Were they secretly laughing at the gigantic comb I use to give my hair some volume?
I also realized that my warped imagination probably had the people in charge wringing their hands. When we were led down a hill into what looked like a pit for a group photograph, I wondered aloud if we were all about to be executed and advised everyone to run in zigzags if they heard gunshots. When a scratchy and creepy-sounding phone message “from God” was played one night after dinner, I shivered involuntarily, then told my table, “If he says something about all of us drinking the purple Kool-Aid, I am so out of here.”
I had a good time, but I was more than ready to go home by Sunday. Actually, I was ready to go home by Friday, but I didn’t want to disappoint anyone, so I stuck it out. While I sat around dying to see my husband and girls, I couldn’t believe how many women were saying they wished they could just stay on the retreat forever. I learned from this weekend that there are far more women out there trapped in crappy marriages and crappy jobs than we realize. And I learned that my life is pretty awesome, and I am lucky to have it.
Meanwhile, Hubs passed his home alone test with flying colors. He had bought me a dozen roses for my return and even better, had de-iced the freezer, which went wild a few weeks ago, resulting in a three-inch-thick coating of ice covering its bottom and everything in its path.
Baby looked fine- her hair was fixed and she was wearing a clean dress, although Hubs admitted that just before they left to pick me up, my 15-year-old said, “You’re not going to take Baby like that are you?” and the girls had to do some quick clean up work to make her look presentable. He admitted that she looked like a cave girl (his words) most of the weekend. I also became suspicious this morning when she requested ice cream for breakfast. I started to say something, but then took a deep breath and a long look at my dozen roses and decided not to ask.
So that was my weekend. Hope you had a good one, too.
>You survived!Glad you made it back in one piece and that Baby was still intact.
>communal showers? UGH.
>Was the men’s weekend just as fun??
>I think my husband had more fun, actually, because he doesn’t mind spiders and dirt and he met a bunch of guys who are on the same softball team that he really likes. Luckily, I like their wives, too. 🙂
>Uh, OK. I don’t know what the screechy message from God was, but I’d have laugh out loud at your response as we as the zig-zag comment. Hilarious!As for me, I love my scrapbooking retreats a few times a year. It’s a couple of days that I can just get stuff done on my books and catch up with friends. But, more than that, i always feel as you did coming home–so grateful for what I have and my great family. Of course, I might feel differently if communal showers had ever been a part of it–ewww…that’s not for me!
>You couldn’t pay enough money to go on a retreat anymore. They call it retreat for a reason.
>I also became suspicious this morning when she requested ice cream for breakfast. I started to say something, but then took a deep breath and a long look at my dozen roses and decided not to ask.Don’t ask; don’t tell.
>Like, when did “retreat” become synonymous with “camping”? Just say no to cold-water showers…
>I’m with you…I use to love those types of things when I was younger. Now…I think I would have run away that Friday evening and never looked back. You deserve a medal. Glad all were alive and well when you got back!
>I admit I’m still a sucker for campfires and singalongs. The last retreat center I was at was lovely. (5 or 6 years ago.) It was more like a resort, with hotel style rooms, individual bathrooms and showers, and hot water. Maybe next year you can reccomend a change of venue.
>My friends and I decided two years ago, that if we had to “pay to stay”, then we better get our own bed and our own bathroom. It has stuck and when we all get together we always end up at some super fun place. I don’t miss those communal bathroom days at all.
>Sounds like trips to the School Forest, at least the version I went to 25 years ago. I just saw a copy of the Board of Ed’s monthly meeting and them little puppies have it GOOD now! Little wimps, indoor bathrooms and even their own cook! When I went, some doofus always dropped their flashlight down the outhouse hole at least once.I’m SO jealous.
>that doesn’t sound like much of a retreat to me, where’s the massage and pedicures?
>I’m always the one making the – let’s say, edgy, jokes. If I had been there, I’d have been quite amused by yours.
>I can only imagine how folks on a retreat would react to your sense of humor.Yikes. Wish I’d been a fly on the wall. (and no, you guy pervs- I don’t mean the showers!)
>Um. I need more information. Where the hell did you go?? I’m cracking up.
>Whew! I don’t think I would have wanted to share a cabin with 12 other women either. But I always wonder if it’s not better to just get it over with rather than wrestle with my underwear in the sleeping bag. Which is more obvious?
>Welcome back, hon. Sounds like you need something more spa-like next time. 😀
>It’s amazing how things change as we get older. We see life so differently.Sometimes childhood memories should not be relived. I tried to do it too.
>You would’ve had much more fun if you’d come up with some camp-time hijinks…stolen some old lady’s clothes while she was in the shower…put you’re bunkmate’s hand in warm water…don’t you wish you could go back and do it over again?
>I never could do the camping thing, and the hostel-retreat? Nope, the time has passed. I’m impressed you stuck it out three days!
>Hi Lindsay,Just a simple observation: It sounds to me as if you looked for ways to separate yourself from the other women on the retreat.I’d bet you dollars to donuts that had you done the opposite (that is to say, looked for commonalities, past and present), you would have had a great time.I say this based upon my own experience attending retreats. Kind regards,Tim
>Tim, I actually did have a great time. I won’t get into that part here because, you know, it’s personal. But having done the teen version of this retreat several times when I was younger, I was struck by the differences in me as an adult. Namely, that 1) I may be enjoying the content, but I definitely no longer enjoy the “rustic” nature of these kinds of things and 2) unlike when I was a teenager, I no longer try to fit in. Instead, I’d say things and then cringe, waiting for someone to get offended. Luckily, no one did and like I said in the post, I even made some great friends.
>aww about the fam and baby ;)Eww about messages from God.
>It’s nice to hear someone say they know a good thing when they have it. I try and do that each day.
>Roses will buy you many, many free passes. Great post on perspective.
>I do believe we have different ideas of what a retreat consists of.Mine has individual showers, plush beds, fine dining.Yours sounds like well, women’s prison.Glad baby survived. She probably had the time of her life impersonating a cave baby…
>the retreat i just went to was really classy, with hotel suites basically at a retreat center. it was very nice and pretty reasonable as far as cost is concerned. i think that is a major drawback to bunk bed retreats.
>I think I would have been in the same boat as you. The idea of a retreat makes me shudder. I doubt I’d be able to come up with the zinger about running in zigzags though- that was hilarious.
>Sounds like the REAL retreat was when you got back home!
>Sounds like the REAL retreat was when you got back home!
>I am an advisor and teacher for the Catholic Arch. I love retreats and I love what I get from them.Sounds like you had a good weekend. Glad to here Hubs did well.Take Care!
>I suspect my girls look like cave girls too while I’m away. Hah, ha, ha…It’s nice to realize, every once in a while, that we’ve got a good life. Enjoy!
>I wonder if going away on a retreat would be easier when the kids are older? I loved retreats as a teen…. but I think it would be hard to be away from the family at this stage in my life.
>Awwww. That was so sweet of your husband! Yes, you have a wonderful life Lindsay. Lucky you that you don;t have to take a retreat to realize that. You are someone who smells the roses – real or virtual – every day. That is a gift and we are all lucky to read your take on the fragrant aroma. Now more about those cookies…and did you see any funny ladies in their underwear?? 😉
>…the only retreat I ever went on is when the future brain surgeons leading my sorority booked our 80+ girl pledge-active at “Harry’s Fish Camp.” Having that many young girls descending upon approximately 20 poor “old salts” of the southern lake scene was more than they (or we, frankly) could bear… it was all fun ’til somebody puked in my bed and I had to sleep in the car… oh how this article makes me wax sentimental…
>Glad to hear you made it back in one piece and that Baby was not looking like a cave girl (and that there was no Kool Aid served!) I’m with you on retreats. Heck I didn’t like 4-H camp or church camp as a kid so I’m not sure I’d do so well at an actual overnight thing now. Eeeeek.
>I went on a lot of retreats too. In fact, I had a bad teen moment right before my first youth church retreat. In a haze of hating my eyebrows, I took a scissor to them, cutting out stripes in one of them. I was forced to sneak into the huge bathroom and color in the empty area every morning before everyone else got up to hide my (probably obvious) secret.My favorite retreat memories generally include my mom’s choc chip cookies I brought with me and the desert buffets. I usually hated the rest. I hate group bathrooms.Glad you found some fun in it.