Sorority Girl
Surprise, surprise. I was a sorority girl. And although I gave it my best effort, somehow going to parties with names like Pimps and Prostitutes and fending off would-be rapists posing as frat boys just wasn’t the kick I thought it would be.
At the time, my life in the sorority house was anything but funny. But now, I can look back on it all and laugh. Here’s the proof, in this week’s Nashville Scene edition of Suburban Turmoil– full text below…
Sorority Girl
I went to a party once where the conversation turned to worst-ever living experiences.
“My friend and I found a really cheap room in a brownstone in New York City,” one guy recounted. “The price was so good that we knew there had to be a catch, but we were desperate, so we moved in.
“The first night, we could hear these two guys talking on the other side of the wall, saying, ‘I wonder why the sun rises in the east.’ ‘Yeah.’ ‘And it sets in the west.’ ‘Yeah.’ ‘I wonder why the sun rises in the east.’ ‘Yeah.’ ‘And it sets in the west.’ ‘Yeah.’ This exact same conversation went on for hours, every single night! And we started noticing that all our neighbors were a little strange. We finally found out from a visitor that we were living in a halfway house for the criminally insane.”
I laughed along with the rest of the crowd but honestly, I knew exactly how he must’ve felt.
Because for one year, I lived in a sorority house.
You’d think a houseful of carefully made-up coeds would be all about pillow fights, late night gab fests and nail painting, but the reality is that pretty girls are, well, pretty nuts.
My sorority house was filled with prom queens, pageant queens and even one Rattlesnake Roundup Queen. Now, there’s a reason other countries don’t allow more than one queen to rule at the same time; the resulting catfights would almost certainly destroy the realm. Unfortunately, my school’s Greek Advisory Panel never caught on to that possibility, so the sorority I’ll call Theta Beta was allowed to move no less than 65 Royal Highnesses into its campus stronghold.
As one of the few freshmen in the house, I tried very hard to keep to myself. Yet somehow word spread that thanks to my Neiman Marcus-addicted mother, I had the most enviable closet in the house. One evening when everyone else was downstairs at dinner, I opened my door to find a Sister I hardly knew going through my clothes, two of my favorite dresses already thrown over one arm.
“Oh hell no,” I said before I could stop myself.
“I just wanted to borrow something for date night tomorrow,” she retorted. “I didn’t think you’d mind.”
“Put my clothes back. Now.” I said through gritted teeth. Flinging my dresses back into the closet, she stalked past me and slammed the door.
It wasn’t long before a few of my outfits simply went missing, never to be seen again. To say I was irritated was an understatement. These girls all had fat bank accounts and hardly needed my wardrobe to tide them over. Still, for all my troubles, at least I never fell victim to the Theta Beta Panty Raidah.
“Y’all, someone is stealing underwear from the laundry room,” our President said sternly at a Chapter Meeting one night. The rest of us giggled sheepishly.
“Seven girls have reported that their panties were taken from the laundry room,” she continued. “Whoever you are,” and at this, she fixed several notoriously kleptomanic girls with an enhanced-blue evil eye, “Stop.”
Geez, I thought, glancing around me. Who would’ve thought these pearl-wearing princesses were so bizarre?
Or so slutty. My mom had begged me to join a sorority so that I wouldn’t fall in with the wrong crowd. Little did she know that my Sisters actually pioneered the way for the Paris Hiltons of the world. For instance, one house tradition involved taking any boy successfully smuggled inside straight to the attic so that he could write his name and the date of his conquest on one of the rafters. The trouble was finding a space to write that wasn’t already taken. Those beams had more scribblings on them than Jim Morrison’s tombstone.
Not everyone had the guts to bring boys inside our Theta Beta-bedecked walls. Many of the girls would simply sleep over at a frat house instead. Saturday mornings, those who spent the night solo would gather in an upstairs window to see who was doing the Walk of Shame outside on Greek Row. While we snickered in our pajamas, dozens of girls stumbled by in last night’s heels and smeared mascara, trying to reach their own beds as quickly and quietly as possible.
By the end of the school year, I decided I’d rather go Geek than Greek and announced at one of the meetings that I planned to desister. Immediately afterward, our Junior Sorority Chaplain gave the news that she’d gotten pregnant with her date from Semi-Formal Night and was leaving school, so my announcement didn’t create the quite the stir I’d envisioned.
But gosh, I’d hate to give the impression that all sorority girls are beer-chugging, bed-hopping, Gucci-stealing hussies. I’m sure there are plenty of upstanding Greek women who are a credit to their schools and their sisterhood.
I just didn’t know ‘em.
>Wow, I think you and I were the same person in another life, as your sorority experience is almost identical to mine! I too de-sistered after one year. I seriously came to the conclusion that being in a sorority was the stupidest thing ever.
>Maybe those “sisters” grew into the “soccer byotches…er…moms” that are all up in yo’ grill about being prego.
>Well I went to college late in life so I never had to deal with all that. Sounds awful though, I was angry FOR you when I was reading about that girl in your closet! 🙂
>Real grafitti I saw in a girls college dorm bathroom: Sex cures acne. That’s why sorority girls have such clear skin.Sorority girls are always trashed as ho’s. I found them tolerable in small numbers, but if more than four were gathered at a time the giggling would reach eardrum shattering levels. Glad you came to your senses.
>here’s a shocker for you: stealing panties is a criminal offence and a sex crime! how do I know that? because my underware was stolen (along with my nieghbors) and we reported to to the police who made an arrest and the guy was found guilty of a sex crime!! I can laugh now but my god that was creepy! and I was supposed to testify three days before my wedding. I don’t think so! I did the advadavit route because I wasn’t going to let creepo ruin my wedding!
>Stunning! Being British, I’ve never experienced the sorority thing beyond in the cinema, so for me it’s fascinating. How utterly hideous to have to live in the midst of it, but also, how very, very funny. Did they ever find out who stole the underwear? And if they did, what on earth was the motive?
>That is exactly why I embraced the inner art geek in my and avoided Tappa Keg with every ounce of my being.
>Good for you for standing up to the ‘sister’ in the closet. How rude! So glad to hear you kicked them to the curb after the 1st year.
>I’m currently a junior at a school that’s pretty big on the Greek system (I am not)…Today I walked past a sorority house with the phrase “Be Unique: Go Greek” emblazoned across a huge banner. Hmm. Unique?I know sororities are right for some people…but, yep, I enjoyed your article very much. Because much as I don’t like stereotyping people…I’ve yet to meet many sorority girls who DON’T fit the stereotypes.
>dude. i JUST posted shit about sororities and frats today because of a phone call i got. and then here you are. sorority whore extroidinairre. LOL
>I’m from NZ so we don’t do the whoel sorority thing here. I find it truely bizarre.
>i was in a sorority and it was nothing like that.
>At our college, we would make fun of the sorority girls and their huge-arse bows. We always said that their intiation ceremonies were to take new girls to the top of the tallest classroom building, push her off, and see how well her bow broke her fall.
>OMG–one more thing we have in common. I didn’t de-sister in mine, but I probably should have. I got in the sorority voted most friendly on campus, BUT we were also known as the party girl sorority with the lowest grades. Me? I was the “scholarship chairman” for one year…which was a nightmare. My small group of friends were the few that kept the grades going enough for our little group to get up intact, I think.But, oh, the things that my little innocent small-town self learned in those 4 years. Thankfully, we didn’t live in our houses at my campus. I’m quite certain, that might have finished me off completely. HA!
>It doesn’t surprise me that you de-sistered. I admit to having a kind of stereotypical view of really beautiful girls, which you definitely qualify as, but you break the mold. You are clearly a woman of substance, deep compassion, and equally deep outrage at bad behavior. That’s quality, girl! I’m proud to “know” you!
>I was never interested in the sorority life. I had one roommate once for four months. That was too long, and I can’t imagine having 64 other girls under one roof.
>”Walk of Shame”. . . oh, how that term takes me back. . . I was a sorority girl and lived in the sorority suite for exactly one year. I quit too, at the end of my sophomore year. Best move I ever made.
>I decided to not pledge after we were lined up in our bathing suits and they circled our cellulite with magic marker so that we would, you know, work on it. I thought that stuff only happened in movies, but I was wrong.
>I was in a sorority too, and I lived in the house for a year and a half. And nobody EVER circled my fat.But they did buy us candy and presents.
>That was great! Since I wasn’t in a sorority, I love getting a peek into what other people have experienced in one.
>That was hysterical and brought back some memories. My husband knew my sorority sisters better than I did – I was definitely “on the fringes.”
>So glad to see that I didn’t miss out on anything important.
>I had a friend who was in a ‘sorority’ that dedicated itself to community service and charity.It was a small one….But personally, I think sororities and frats should just end. I don’t think there really is any benefit to them, and a lot more harm. I don’t even think that 18 year olds, for the most part, have the emotional readiness to live alone in an environment filled with sooo many temptations…(remembering me at 18). I think I’ll push my kids toward two years local community college and THEN transfer. So it’s cheating I know, BUT I think they are smarter at 20 than at 18. Not by much, but still. AND hey, then I can postpone the whole empty nest syndrome by two years!
>….which is why I never went Greek, much to my own mother’s dismay. 🙂
>I found this book awhile back. I started it but haven’t finished it. If you’re interested. It’s about a woman who looked young enough to pass for a college age girl who infiltrated several sororities and then wrote about them, from the hazing and the sleeping around to the eating disorders and plain crazy behavior. Fascinating stuff.I was glad to see you stood up to the clothes thief girl, and then got out after a year. I had my share of bad roommates, but that would send me over the edge.
>I read that book, too. Strangely, it made me kind of mad, because she made a lot of assertions that weren’t exactly true. But it is a good beach read, I’ll admit. And it totally brought back all the memories of my sorority days.
>Been a big fan of your blog and just had to ‘come out’ and comment. Walk of Shame just takes me back to the day. I too was Greek and looking back on it now, I wonder why. But damn I had a good time then!
>This is so why I never joined a sorority. My best friend in college did, and she changed soon after (not for the better). And she just joined the music sorority!
>I wasnt’ the sorority type but went to all the parties LOL!!
>Wow, I am in a sorority and it is the best experiences I made in college so far…Your experience depends on who you associate yourself with, as it always is! The girls I know are nice, down to earth, and fun to be around and it’s just a matter of being yourself. If it doesn’t feel right, dont join.
>Im a freshmen student, and just got initated to my sorority maybe 4 weeks ago. My sorority has a strictly enforced no-hazing policy, so i never went thru anything quite like the comment about the magic marker… i DID however hear TONS of stories about hazing…which i absolutley HAFTA share with you guys…okay…these are just some stories about hazing from the sororities on my campus… (Disclaimer: some content IS alittle graphic and sexual in nature)- lining pledges up in their bathingsuits our underware, infront of frat brothers armed with sharpies, blindfolding the pledges, and having the frat brothers circle everything that was wrong with the pledge’s body…and making them “work on it”.- Sisters forcing their pledges to sit in their underware on running or washer or dryer, and circling any jiggling parts on their body with a sharpie, and making them “work on it”.- Sisters forcing pledges to snort cocaine off of a bathroom floor (i was suprised about the extreme use of this drug in some -not all- of the sororities on campus)- Being forced to drink and eat disgusting concoctions of god knows what until the pledge THROWS UP.- eating dog food- within the first week of pledging, i heard a pledge down the hall talking about how her and her pledgesisters were forced to stand on the sidewalk in ur underware, with NO bra (allowed to cover ur breasts with ur hands.)- some pledges are required to line up in “pledge class order” (alphabetical order), and lick ur pledge-mom’s nipples.(a pledge-mom is the person in charge of teaching the pledges the history of their sorority, and preparing them to be sisters.)- My current boyfriend went to college down south (hazing is SO MUCH worse down south), and he dated a girl who was pledging a sorority…..(Side Note: you get a bid, then pledge for many weeks/months, then get a “Big” sister ; someone whos suppost to literally BE your big sister figure in the sorority -called a big-, then get initiated.) WELL, the pledges were ACTUALLY forced to preform oral sex on their Bigs.yeah, that one shocked me too. and i didnt believe that stuff that twisted actually happened, until we were having a pledge class sleepover, and we were all talking about hazing stories we’ve heard about (remember, my sorority doesnt haze, so we had ALOT of fun bashing the ones that do haze.), and our chapter president, also my Big, confirmed it…She was at a national conference 2 years ago, and actually heard about it from another chapters president!!!- This ones pretty bad too… This one sorority on campus, (known for being the “slutty sorority”) ACTUALLY makes their pledges sit on the floor, on NEWSPAPER with NO underware on, and makes them all watch a porn video until EVERY pledge has gotten the newspaper wet…if you know what i mean. and none of the pledges are allowed to leave until all the girls get it done. AND furthurmore, the last pledge to get the newspaper wet gets hazed the worst. – some Fraternities hazing involves ALOT of physical violence…like brutal beetings, elephant walks, and golden showers (use ur imagination). Sororities usually turn to mental abuse instead of physical abuse.Now, i must note that NOT ALL SORORITIES OR FRATERNITIES HAZE!myine honestly doesnt.But also note, that if you are going through rush (the process where you meet all of the sororities, and narrow down your choices as to which ones you would accept a big from), you can actually ask them upfront “Do you’s haze?”, and i guarentee you they will SAY NO. but they arent always telling the truth… i know this for fact, because i was seriously considering pledging this one sorority (not the one i ended up joining), we’ll call it Theta Beta, at my school. and they told me they didnt haze at all.WELL, it turns out that they most definitly do haze… they’re one of the worst ones for hazing on campus.)…and you’d never expect it bc they seem like decent people. ha.*I found out that they haze by talking to my one guy friend who is in a fraternity.!!!!!!******That is my advice. Ask around campus, find out their rep for hazing from someone OTHER then the sisters… because they wont always tell you the truth.NOW, why would someone remain in a sorority or fraternity that hazes them so badly?This is what i came up with…-Pledging, even without hazing, is exhausting. you hafta take Pledge Class, which requires you to learn the ENTIRE history of your sorority… its rediculous. i actually studied more for pledgeclass then i did for my regular classes. yeah. its redic.The hazing usually gets worse at the semester goes on. SO, pledges will stick with pledging throughout the brutal hazing because they honestly put SO MUCH time and effort into it to just give up. and when i say time and effort, i mean say GOODBYE to your outside life for 12+ weeks. theres just NO time between mandatory study hours ( ours were 3 hrs a day, M-W.), mixers, studying for pledge class, and balancing your regular classes. It becomes your life. if i didnt join my sorority, id have a rediculous ammount of free time on my hands. idk what i would do. lolSo thats my lil 411 on hazing.Like i said before, i am in a sorority (ours doesnt haze)…. I want to note that joining a sorority was a really great expierence for me. Being a freshmen in college, having 34 instant reguardless friends, it helps with the adjustment to college life…they’re like personal mentors. like, well, sisters. Also, greeks have the best parties. just watch your drinks, esp. around frat boys… and yeah, i know this from a personal roofie-ing expierence that happened to me at my sororities favorite frat house…. but thats another story. but in summary, NEVER take anything prepared under the bar, or any shots that have colored dye in them (they put food dye in the clear liquor shots to hide the roofie. My best friend learned this one the hard way =(. ) and NEVER take a drink from a random guy your dancing with…esp. if he hand delivers it to you, and you dont see him prepare it (thats what happened to me.)Rape is terribly common in college. Dont be fooled, dont be victimized, dont trust ANYONE.i hope i didnt suade any potential greeks out there from becoming part of the greek community (i know i certainly didnt do a good job of making greek life sound appealing)…but that wasent my intention. (Going greek was one of the best independent decisions i’ve ever made.)My intention was to inform potential greeks out there to be ON THEIR TOES about whats going on, and to hopefully prevent someone from being hurt mentally, emotionally, or physically.Best wishes, keep youself informed.