“Your hair looks great,” I told Dennis the other day after he’d arrived home from a haircut. “Who did it this time?”
“Trudy,” he said. “She always does such a good job. Although she told me she’s being courted by Sport Clips, so I might have to start going over there.”
“Sport Clips?” I said, frowning. “Are you kidding me?! I forbid it.”
“What? Why?” Dennis asked, confused.
“Oh, Dennis,” I said, shaking my head at his naiveté. “Sport Clips is basically a Hooters for hair.”
Dennis laughed. “No it’s not,” he scoffed.
“Dennis,” I said patiently. “I see the girls from Sport Clips come in when I’m at Starbucks. They wear a lot of makeup and have cute hair and they’re all, ‘Ooh! Come in and see me some time!’ to any man they see in the place– and then they turn and give me these really smug looks, like ‘Your husband’s next, betch.‘ So basically, if you even set foot in that place? They’ve won.”
OMG! I could, like totally see myself as YOUR STEPMOTHER!
“Think of it this way,” I explained to Dennis. “Imagine if I were to go to a salon called Pecker’s. A salon filled with attractive, heterosexual male stylists. How would you feel? And what do you think people would think of me if they saw me going in there?”
“Uh, can we just drop it?” Dennis asked.
I might have stopped my husband from having his own Sport Clips experience, but I’m one of the very few lucky ones. Sport Clips has infiltrated my own neighborhood and I’ve never seen so many buzz cuts around here.
So I’m thinking of taking up a collection from all the book clubs, bunco players, and mom groups in the area to open a salon right next door to Sport Clips. The stylists will all be wives, and they’ll be welcome to volunteer at my place any time their husbands are getting their hair cut next door. We’ll call it Shear Terror.
Franchise opportunities are available! E-mail me for details.
EDITED TO ADD: Sport Clips responds! Here’s what they had to say.
Sport Clips feels it is in everyone’s best interest to set the record straight. We are a family-friendly men’s and boys’ haircutter; however, there are others in the industry that do fit your description. Our founder, a lifetime member of the Veterans of Foreign Wars who puts family and country first, has gone so far as to recommended to our franchise owners that they keep certain issues of common out of the waiting area to maintain an environment where parents will be comfortable bringing their children. If you visit a Sport Clips, you will find televisions tuned to sports programming, family-friendly reading material, “memorabilia” of popular teams and players for purchase, and hair care services that are appropriate for “hubs” and their “cubs”.
Your Friends at Sport Clips