>Teaching a Toddler
>”Amanda’s been going to Zoo Babies once a week and she just started music classes, too. She’s having so much fun. And she’s learning all about music tones and rhythm.”
“Noah is taking Yoga Fun at Gymboree. He’s much more limber than he was at 18 months.”
I’ve been hearing these conversations ever since attending my first play group meeting when Baby was four months old. And I suffer from horrible stabs of guilt when I’m asked in which classes my toddler is enrolled.
“Um. None.”
It’s not like I’ve had much of a choice in the matter. We simply don’t have enough cash for me to stay at home with Baby and pay for private music and art lessons.
But even if I was loaded, I’m not entirely certain I’d sign her up for anything. Because if I’m staying home with her, surely I can teach her myself all she needs to know before she gets to pre-kindergarten.
Still, it’s not an easy decision. Every time I hear about how Zachary can identify three types of owls at the Grassmere Zoo, or how Caitlin already has perfect pitch after six weeks at the Music Gym, I cringe inwardly. Am I setting my baby up to be hopelessly behind all of her friends, unable to perform a downward dog or how to say ‘How are you’ in four different languages by the age of three?
Then I think about my own early childhood in the seventies, at a time when classes for the two-and-under set were non-existent in my small town.
Back then, I stayed at home with my mom every day, accompanied her on all her domestic errands, and lived for The Price is Right (Plinko, anyone?). As far as entertainment, I was pretty much left to my own devices and I liked it that way. From what I can remember, it was enough to have my mother around to cuddle or read with me. I don’t think she ever used flashcards or taught me any foreign languages or exposed me to classical music. But I felt loved and I was happy.
And I’m hoping Baby feels loved and happy, too. She socializes at her (free) playgroup, in the (free) gym and church nurseries and at the library’s (free) storytime. She learns about music every time we dance together in the den to CDs ranging from Kelly Clarkson (her personal favorite) to Mozart to Harry Belafonte. She’s getting her Spanish vocabulary from Dora, Diego and Maya and Miguel. She doesn’t know yoga or ballet, but she does know her way around our neighborhood playground. It may not be what Gymboree would prescribe, but it’s the best I have to offer. And I’m just praying it’s enough.
>I’d say your toddler is going to have a much easier time entertaining herself, which is a much more valuable skill than knowing three types of owls at age 3.You daughter will be in school for the rest of her childhood, so your time right now is definitely the best thing you can give her!!
>Giving her your time and attention is the MUCH better thing than handing her off to other people to learn things she may or may not need, or really have an interest in.What young adult ever complains to their parents “You never put me in Gymboree?” No – it’s always “You never spent enough time with me.”Enjoy the gift you have!
>oh hell it’s enough! She’s a kid and yes, you could stuff her full of facts, or else you could let her develop her personality and curiosity, which will lead her to elarn about the things that interest her on her own one day. Good for you for resisting the lure of the ridiculous parenting pressure and letting your child be a child.
>SO glad to hear another mother say ‘I just can’t afford it.’ Staying home, while rewarding, doesn’t exactly pay the bills… Plinko-I seriously LOVED that game! Is Bob Barker still alive???
>LOL- you are so fucking cute, your pain makes me laugh. okay wait, that sounds horrible huh?! LOLwho cares what those kids can do. who cares what any kid can do, that isn’t your kid. you know? maybe those kids will grow up to be pimps and whore because they were so good with money at the ripe old age of 2 and a half. i say, let kids be kids. let them run around in the sprinklers and play with their moms. they have plenty of time to get into extracuricular crap when they actually WANT to do it- not when they’re doing it because their parents are putting them in it. dammit- this is coming out all fucked up, but i know you know what i mean. lol
>I do have to step up and defend Gymboree. My two-year-old loves it and we both get so much out of it. It’s really just 45 minutes of playing on fun things and socializing with kids and other moms. No flashcards or lessons… It’s the only structured thing other than Sunday school that I have Ben in and it has been wonderful. That being said, yes, it is on the pricey side, and yep, you can get all the same benefits out of free playgroups and playtime at home. I really just like it because it gets us out of the house once a week! :)A much better example to use as the all-encompassing pretentious Kiddie Klass would be KinderMusik… gag. Tried that ONCE. Ben was like WTF? Sit still? Learn stuff? Forget it. And I couldn’t blame him. I had no idea what it was going into it.
>Hell yeah, it’s enough! The one-on-one time you’re able to give her is priceless, Lindsay. Priceless.
>Erin, that’s why I feel guilty and inadequate. I know Gymboree is fun and I have nothing against the moms who go there (Obviously. I love my play group moms and they’re all wonderful, Gymboree or not). I have this weird mixture of envy over the fact that I can’t afford toddler classes- and skepticism over whether these classes for two-year-olds aren’t just another way to capitalize off the toddler set.
>Your kids will be in classes plenty once they start school, extra curricular activites, etc. They will be so busy that it’ll make your head spin. Please, please realize that the time you have now at home with them is the most precious and will be gone before you know it. Don’t try to “keep up with the Jones’.”Your kids will love you more for it one day. I promise. Also, I was a big Price is Right fan. Anyone remember the name of that game show with the Big Whammy? That one was cool too!Also watched alot of soaps anytime I was left with the g’parents.
>Baby is going to be just fine. You already know that. And trust me, the oneupmanship will not end when they enter school. “What summer camp are you sending her to?” “No private violin lessons?” “You don’t do pee-wee soccer/baseball/football???” The list is long, very long.Kids are happiest when the have the time and freedom to play, explore and socialize with other children. All free. Listen to your heart and tune out the preaching of over-achievers. Oh, and read to her. But you already know that.
>One of my co-workers started telling me about her kids’ latest activities which included swim lessons, gymmastics lessons, soccer and t-ball for her son in the fall and ballet for her daughter. This is in addition to going to preschool part-time. It really made my eyes glaze over! I say your daughter is getting more than enough education and love from staying home with you. I am also a child of the 70s and I was my mother’s constant companion. I think I did ballet when I was 4 but there were no elaborate language lessons or gym classes for me and I think I turned out OK, although that’s up for debate. 😉
>Those kids going to those classes are going to end up being the snotty kids in the class, since their parents always cough up the cash for useless things such as this. I’m in a small midwestern town, where these things aren’t available and we get along just fine! Have a great weekend!
>This post really hit home with me, because I am with you all the way. I work three days a week, and we still don’t have the extra cash for these activities. Every time we’re at the mall and my daughter shows interest in the Gymboree room full of colorful plastic and smiling kiddos, my stomach turns. When I take a close look, though, they aren’t doing anything we can’t do at home.It’s hard for me to believe that the benefits are worth the price. At least, that’s what I keep telling myself. On my days home, she is happy to be my constant companion. We made paper bag puppets at home today. Isn’t that enough?
>We did very little of that sort of stuff with my daughter, and she shone last year in kindergarten. Looking back, at most we had one thing going at a time, and all of it free or near to it. We did a playgroup for a while, then we did a music gathering thing for about six weeks, a program through Metro parks one fall, OR storytime at the library. But we were never doing two of the things on that list at any given time. We gave up storytime to do the parks thing. The music deal started after we dropped out of playgroup do to scheduling constraints (I work part-time). Most of the time, it’s been just the kids and me or, when I’m at work, my mom. It’s actually really important to me that I don’t schedule my children too much. Looking at the way so many kids’ lives are anymore, I worry that they’re not learning how to make decisions or sort through interpersonal dynamics. Because free play is a crash course in that sort of stuff, wheras organized activities are just a series of directions for kids to follow and friendships moderated by adults. Not that I don’t think there’s a place for those things, I just want to make sure there’s plenty of free time for my kids to figure out how to fill on their very own.
>It’s scary how much I indentified with this particular blog entry!The way you described being with your mother as a child — running errands, watching “Price is Right” with her, no specialty classes, entertaining yourself…describes my childhood with my mother. And we turned out just fine, right??I also identified with you participating in all of the free child-oriented activities. I’ve put a lot of energy into finding free entertainement for my boys….library activities, playground, play dates, town events, etc., while other friends have done the entire baby class circuit.Like other Commenters wrote, all your daughter wants is to be with you. You are doing the right thing! Don’t change.-Krissy
>Ditto, ditto, ditto…your little one will be fine…do you think Einstein went to gymboree? Or Bill Gates formulated his idea for the personal computer at a mommy and me class? Your time is so much more valuable to her. I do the same things with my boys, and they get so much out of it. Everything you do with them is a potential learning experience.
>Lindsay, they are absolutely capitalizing on the toddler set… LOL. NO question about it. Though I do love our Gymbo class, I find myself cringing a little when I realize that 90% of the songs that play during the class have the word “Gymboree” in them or end in “here at Gymboree!”… and we catch ourselves singing them on the way home. It’s all about the branding/marketing… At times, it feels a bit cult-like. 😉
>I just read an article yesterday about several studies done on children who are forced into early education and most of the evidence shows that children who get and “early start” do not keep any significant gains when compared to control groups who were just allowed to be kids. Also, some showed that children learn better and are more enthusiastic about certain subjects when they aren’t required to learn it until they are developmentally ready for them. It was in this month’s issue of Mothering. So I would say that it’s more than enough for you to actually be with your daughter.
>You know, same thing happens with my son’s playgroup, with my neighbor’s kids. I constantly hear how I need to have him enrolled in this or that. Even though we could afford those classes, I suppose, I choose not to. I like sitting in the backyard with my son, looking for bugs and playing in the water. We still go to the zoo. We still read books. We still interact with other kids. I think you are on the right track!!
>Let me tell ya, you are doing just great I’m sure. Baby really doesn’t need anymore than you are giving her. Both my kids stayed home with me as we too had no cash for that sort of thing and I did feel the guilt as well. However they are both functioning grade school kids with lots of friends and in the gifted program. What more could I expect. Are they concert ready trumpet players or operatic singers or mini zoologists??? No, but they are 8 and 10; healthy; happy and active. Your baby is gonna be the same I’m sure. Don’t give into the guilt, it’s not healthy. NOr necessary.
>Dude … those classes for preschoolers … WASTE of time and money. I want to see someone who has followed Zachary all the way through his high school and college years come back and tell me that he is more socially adapted than your daughter who doesn’t attend those classes.Bleck. Of course, whenever I think of those classes, I can already envision them filled with mothers who would all turn out to be my arch nemesises nemisi whatever …
>No need to pray, babe. It’s more than enough.I was never a Gymboree type of gal myself and with the second one, there just isn’t time. Plus, she gets tons of stimulation from her older sister and friends.
>Overscheduling children stresses them out. I mean, the last thing a toddler needs is the concept that they need to ‘hurry up or we’ll be late.’ Yikes1Besides, anyone who follows their toddler knows, trash pick up day is far more fascinating and intriguing than kindermusic.
>Guilt is the backbone of the American mother, isn’t it? There’s so much to feel guilty about and we all spend too much time comparing what we’re doing to what other moms are doing. (I’m speaking for myself at least!)My kids go to story time at the library in the fall and winter (summer’s too short here to waste it inside!!) and my 3 year old goes to a playgroup we pay a nominal fee for through community education. But honestly? They’re happier when we stay home and play on the swingset.
>I think it’s MORE than enough. For some parents (not all – I don’t want to stereotype them), those classes can become crutches and reasons NOT to teach their kids or make their kids teach themselves (when appropriate) how to stay engaged in life. Baby is doing great – with or without the special classes and the downward dog poses (LOL).
>I was in the same boat when my daughter was that age. Other mothers would always ask me if she was in this or that class, and I would say no, but we do the storytime at the library and the science class at the nature center, etc. – which was/is free.The most we have paid any activity was this last year in pre-school, and to my surprise she knew her letters and numbers much better than the other kids that had been in the class for 2 school years. It sounds like you are being the best mom possible and there is nothing better than that for your daughter.
>I can’t believe you are letting your daughter down. My 4 year old is in swimming lessons and “ball class” and and I am quite sure he will kick your daughter’s ass on the ACTs some day.
>Ha. I’m sure he’s more limber. Nice.Well, I’m a big fan of Music Together because I teach it – however, I still believe your child will be just fine! I take Q with me when I teach – and I would do it if I didn’t teach – the music is great and it’s really great for early music development (I won’t go into all the research – but it’s good…). She LOVES to draw and paint, however, and I SUCK at that – so I did take her to a toddler art class and she LOVED it.My pet peeve? When parents complain that there’s nothing to do in our town but don’t take the classes OR they turn their nose down at them because they are too “expensive” but then drive around in very expensive cars and dress their kids in outfits I know cost around $60 (the cost of the class I teach). Will she get just as much out of her time with you? Absolutely! But a lot of parents don’t do that fun music time with their kids and need extra help playing and interacting with their kids.
>I really hate these “statistics” these classes use, trying to convince you that the kids’ IQ points are higher or something if they take the class. Talk about guilt. It makes me kind of sick that so much pressure is put on moms of young children, because I am definitely feeling it.
>Heck, my mother didn’t even drive when I was a toddler. Look at how I turned out.Wait, don’t cry…
>It’s enough. If only all children could be given this kind of childhood, where being loved by mom is the most prominent feature.
>Save some guilt for us fathers. Long ago, my wife and decided that we would learn to live less extravagantly, and get by on less income, so that we might never put our children in daycare again. The change was immediate and dramatic. When all I did was focus on work, I was exhausted when I was home, and the kids got whatever was left of my energy. Being home with them has been good for us and then kids. We never bothered with classes when the were toddlers, but I would say to read to them as much as possible, I see plenty of merit in that. Anyway, don’t fret, I think we all tend to over analyze what good parenting is these days. Just make sure to block Fox news from the television, and the chances are good that your children will be well adjusted, though clueless about owls.
>I think Gymboree and crap like that is more for the mothers anyway. The moms that want to socialize and that’s fine, if that’s your bag. I never even took any of my kids to Story Time at the Library. I read to them myself. They wouldn’t have sat still anyway. Somehow, my soon-to-be Freshman has managed excellent grades in Advanced classes and will be taking Advanced World History and Latin this year. All without the aid of Mommy and Me!
>We didn’t do a bunch of classes either. I think gymnastics and soccer were about it. I preferred to exercise their minds myself and I did not trust that shaping to anyone else but Elmo ;-)BTW- I learned a LOT from watching the Price is Right and Let’s Make Deal growing up. For one thing, I know to get my pets spayed or neutered…
>I think that if you are showing Baby a lot of love, then you’re doing great.The other stuff is great, if that’s what you want, but sometimes I think for my nieces, some of it was sort of like static.Love is where it’s at.
>A wonderful book is Rahima Baldwin’s “You Are YOur Child’s First Teacher”..see if your library has it. The emphasis of the book is that children learn through imitation, and really need time with mom and simple toys for this to be accomplished. I have three, now 12, 9 and 5.. and none of them did lessons, etc. And as they have grown, they really know how to entertain themselves, help around the house, and be useful in the community.We also do Waldorf education, which is another topic entirely, lol, but it also encourages letting a child be a child and play and imitate at a young age, and save the intellectual things for later when it is more developmentally appropriate. Anyhow, I empathize with the guilt and empathy and even anxiety..been there and felt that… but now that my three are older, I see they are well adjusted, doing well in school, and loving life, in spite of the deprivation.
>You’re going great. And you’re right. Toddlers don’t need all of that. Sure, it’d be great here and there to do a little class, but it’s just like the cherry on top of the sundae. The time and love you give your kids are what really matters and what will make them beautiful people.
>I think it’s only right that I start this comment by saying “I LOVED Plinko”!I struggle with this too. And the more money in a community, the more ways parents come up with to spend it. At Baby’s age, I took Savannah to the library/park/church and that was more than enough. Honestly, I think more than that at this age would stress her out and do more harm than good.But, it sounds like you already know that. Smarty pants.
>I’m pretty sure my mother did nothing (no playgroups/play dates) with us when we were toddlers — other than the playground now & then! We turned out OK!We just started our first ever paid “class” — swimming at the YMCA. It’s actually really fun, and I wanted to do it since we don’t have a pool or regular access to one. It’s a fun family outing.I know what you mean. If I lived on the other side of town I’d hear all about the classes & schedules of other Moms’ youngns. I’m not into the overscheduled life thing! :-)Baby is obviously thriving! Keep doing what you’re doing! You’re doing great Lindsay.
>As someone who works in the Early Childhood field…let me tell you…you’re doing it just right. You and Baby will bond way more the way you’re doing it, with less stress. Don’t doubt yourself, Mommy. You’re doing great.
>I remember when I attended my first parent-teacher conference with my then 5 yr old son. Because he was quiet and well behaved but had a slight speech problem (his older sister did all his talking for him for the first 3yrs) they wanted to interrogate me on his upbringing.I found myself having to defend the fact that he didnt attend pre-school (i was a stay at home mom and we couldnt afford it) and play groups and interactive baby/mommy groups (same reason) I had to strongly and repeatedly point out, he is kind, respectful, able to keep him self entertained, empathetic and quick to learn everything.. hes quick with a smile and a hug and hes not tempermental.I dont think they agreed but at that point I really didnt care.. Id rather have 10 of my child, than one of theirs that couldnt sit still, bit people, refused naps and generally disrespected everything and everyone around them. Your baby will be just fine after hanging out with her loving mommy sorry this was so long … 🙂
>THANK.YOU. If you’re a loser mom, then so am I. LOL.
>THIS is why people are developing anxiety disorders more commonly these days: pressure to over-achieve. Sure, toddler classes are cute and fun but how ’bout just letting them chase bugs and play with toys while they can? I’m sure what your child lacks in foreign languages she makes up for with charm. 🙂
>Oh gosh, those classes can be a nice diversion if you can afford them, but honestly, not necessary.If you really want to teach your child about the twenty kinds of owls or whatever, you can do that at home. And frankly, I know just as many children who sort of “learned” some specialized information and then lost it in a year as those who retained it. It’s a different type of learning that is going on at that age and the way the understand the information is different than when they are even 5 or 7. Take a look at some unschooling sites and the philosophies, the Sudbury Schools. Little kids can’t help but learn. They are programmed to learn. And oftentimes, the sort of structured learning that we value so much later on isn’t the best mode of learning for younger children. Some older children, either.So yes, big deep cleansing breath in and then out. Some things – like languages – yes, kids learn early and more easily. But naming owls? I’m guessing that your kiddo could pick that up in Kindergarten or even college or even at 45 years old, and not feel as if they missed out at age 3. 🙂
>I’ll also agree with Motherhood Uncensored. Research I’ve read mostly says that kids who are not offered some enrichment at home tend to not do as well in school early on. I’m not sure how that pans out later on.But, that “enrichment” basically – as I understand it – is mostly some level of interaction, teaching through daily activities and organic learning moments, just talking the kid’s ear off at times and answering questions, reading to them, playing musid. It doesn’t necessarily mean flash cards and cuisenaire rods. The fact that you are even thinking about this is pretty firm evidence that you have nothing to worry about.And if you ever do want to get a class together, do what the homeschoolers do: find a local “expert” and put together a little co-op class in your home.Okay…done. Sorry for eating up your comments, lol.
>Don’t you dare feel guilty. There is way, way, way, way too much emphasis on “organized play and enrichment” nowdays. Seriously, I wanna barf..Growing up, my mom stayed at home, and we were very poor. Our most exciting times were getting to go to McDonalds and SHARE a happy meal. I’m totally serious. We had a foursquare ball, a couple cassette tapes, coloring books, and playdo. We survived….and, imagine this……actually loved our childhood! Horror!! Baby will be fine. Probably more so than others because she is given lots of time with you without being over stimulated. You are doing just fine, girl.
>I think you’ve spoken for lots of mums here.My mum had to work throughout my toddlerhood, and I don’t have any fond memories of the time spent away from her.What I do have now though, is the opportunity to be at home with my child, so i’m making the most of it. Together. At the park, or on the couch. Free love 😉
>I didn’t go to pre-school or take any classes other than Sunday School before my first day of Kindergarten. Where I lived there just wasn’t anything. (What’s up Farmland?!) Meanwhile, thanks to my Mother who was very adamant about teaching me the more important things in life, I was one of the only kids who could read on that first day of kindergarten. I also knew how to keep myself busy when I finished my work early because the other kids didn’t know their letters or numbers.We’re trying to figure out what we’ll do with Nick. Other than the Mommy & Me swim class that we’re taking, mainly so I can be a support system for a single Mom friend of mine, I just don’t think we’ll do anything other than pre-school.
>You’re doing fine with Baby. I think things have gotten ridulous with kids in the past decade. You’re intelligent and pass that on to your girl every day, so don’t worry. Baby will be fine. She’s lucky to have you for a mom!
>I believe you’re on the right track here. Ever hear of “The Hurried Child” by David Elkind? It’s eye-opening! How did kids ever get into Harvard without Gymboree, Baby Einstein, and dance classes? HMMMM???
>Baby will be more than fine. She gets love and attention from you- what else does she, or any baby, need?Classes and stuff are fun(I taught at Gymboree for a while), but children get just as much joy at the park, playground, beach, home- wherever they get to play.
>She’ll be fine. I agree with what others have said, a kid that doesn’t have a schedule for every single activity will know how to better entertain herself and have a better imagination, which I think is a good thing.A few activities and socializing here and there is good, but yeah, when we were small? We didn’t have all that stuff for toddlers.
>It is enough. 🙂
>You’re ahead of us, L. We don’t even have a playgroup.Although her daddy has taught her to pair wines with foods. She’s struggling with the Loire Valley reds, but she’s got the Reislings down.
>I’m all about finding the free city programs. Plus, with two teenage stepdaughters, we won’t have the kind of money it takes for those programs either. Baby will be fine!
>You are doing plenty.LBC
>I can’t add much more to what people have already said, but I totally agree with you! The only activity I really do is the library, and I’m still there with them. I can’t hear the Price Is Right theme without wanting a PB&J sandwich and chips (my usual lunch when I was little)! I also remember my mom watching Search For Tomorrow, and As The World Turns and Guiding Light. 🙂
>I think that saying, “the best thing we can spend on children is time” rings true. I think one on one interaction takes more creativity and effort, and I wish that I could be a SAHM and be able to spend that kind of quality time with my daughter.
>Yeah, my kids are involoved in just one sport. ONE. Uno. Ein. Any more than that and my head would split open and my brains would run out. How people run from this to that to the other and still have home-cooked meals on the table, perfectly clean houses, AND are clean, pressed and made up…well…I just hate them. Or are they just myths?
>Well, if you’re not limber at 18 months, you might as well give up.I took my first baby to some classes, but mostly in hopes of finding an adult to talk to. My second baby just started his first class at 3 (swimming lessons) and that’s only because his big brother is going and he might as well too.I’m terrible, I know. But I think they’ll be fine.