>The Mean Reds of Early Motherhood
>I talked to a friend of mine on the phone yesterday about my pregnancy. As we discussed how I was feeling, her composure unexpectedly cracked.
“I’m only now feeling back to normal,” she admitted in a rush. “I’ve had two miscarriages in the last year, a d&c, and went on and off birth control within four months. My hormones just went crazy, and it got so bad I couldn’t even leave the house! I was crying one week, raging the next and I just wanted to sleep all day long.”
My friend, fortunately, had gotten medical help, but after I hung up I couldn’t believe that she’d gone through all of that without my knowledge. I had seen her several times during that period. Why hadn’t she said anything?
Probably for the same reasons I never told anyone when my own hormones were raging after giving birth to Baby. I considered my emotions during that time to be so shamefully disturbing that I didn’t tell one soul about them. And once I quit breastfeeding and felt normal again, I decided to leave the past behind.
Until I read a post on another blog written by a woman who’d gone through the very same thing I had. By being brave enough to tell the tale, she made me realize that we moms need to talk and write about the mean reds of early motherhood, because seriously, no one should go through it alone. And sadly, most of us do.
I was inspired to write about my own experience with the baby blues today at Dot Moms. I hope if you went through what I did, you’ll write about it, too- or at least tell your friends about your experience. If you help just one woman realize that what she’s feeling is normal and that there’s help for her, it will be worth it.
>Good for you – I know well how cathartic it is to get some of that out and how powerful to read that you are not alone. Though it was a different topic to me, I do believe that the more women talk about this, the better we will feel and the more we will help new moms, and maybe it will reach a loud enough pitch that more and better help will be forthcoming, Tom Cruise notwithstanding.
>Thankfully I never really suffered from the baby blues. Instead, I have depression all on it’s own! And the feelings of helplessness and hopelessness are overwhelming and frightning. Good for you for writing about it. Hopefully other women will be inspired to get help if they need it.
>Women are so strong and traditionally, we endure a lot without complaint. We’re loathe to admit to stuff like PPD because–like PMS–it gets bandied about in unkind ways. Generalizations are made and stereotypes get painted in broad, ugly strokes. Or there are people out there who are too quick to claim that it’s a figment of our imagination and that, in reality, we’re just what men have claimed all along: WEAK. I know we’re anything but and you know it, too. But there are a lot of women waiting in the shadows for someone to understand them and, at the same time, they’re afraid to confess that they’re in over their heads. Keep up the talk. Spread the word. Communication the key to health…or one of them.
>Lucinda- Me too:) Thank you!!!!!
>I went through the same thing. I just wrote something like that on my post. You have inspired me.
>I remember those days! All through my childhood my mom was going through the mean reds (ok, I remember them as the raging, don’t wake mom reds). As I was the first of 5, I mean literally all through my childhood.Since the last sib though, mom has been a different woman!
>oops, i was the 2nd of five
>Mean reds…. I called it my black year. I went through a year of repeat miscarriages and just generally falling apart. The only place I could really talk about it was online where no one actually knew me!
>It is amazing to learn how many of us have gone through or are going through this. When it was happening to me I thought I was less of a woman, mother, wife, a person. I too didn’t have baby blues, but full-blown depression/severe anxiety. It was horrible and I talked about it just a tiny bit on my site. If I hadn’t gotten help on my 43rd birthday, I may not be here today.Kudos to you for writing this. It’s unfortunate that we don’t openly talk about it until later on, but hopefully that will change in coming times by so many of us saying it’s okay to talk about it now.
>As someone who is about to be a new mother in December, I think that if nothing else, the internet is providing us with a place to talk about these things.
>I’ve had both – PPD and “regular” depression. They both suck big twinkies, but I’ve since learned that to ‘fess up to it is not shameful. The brain is the single most complex organ we have, so of course hormone overload after pregnancy is going to mess with it. Why do we accept a ‘physical’ illness and seek help but stigmitize a ‘mental’ one? Doesn’t make sense.I’m due to have my 4th child in December, and believe you me I’ll be the first to go for help if the dreaded “black dog” comes back for a visit.
>You’re right that we moms should talk honestly with eachother. So many times I wonder if what I am feeling is normal and I am thinking that other moms do to. Reading blogs has really helped me with some of my questions.
>You are an absolutely wonderful person, Lindsay. Ignorance is out greatest enemy. Props to you for educating your sisters about this difficult to discuss subject.
>This is an important post. I think now that women are communicating so effectively through blogging, a lot of new moms are going to recognize they’re not alone and get the help they need.On a side note, you totally stole my idea to use the phrsse ‘mean reds’ when describing depression. You stole it right out of my head. And I think I might sue.
>You think it’s bad for you, how about us guys? Learning to stay out of the firing zone is the first law of survival.(P.S., Lucinda: You’re a treasure.)
>Thank you. When I’d bathe my baby, I’d think of how easily I could hold him underwater and drown him. In my mind’s eye, I watched myself do it. Then I’d snap back to reality, heart racing, and breakdown sobbing at how horrible a mother I was for even thinking it. I didn’t know this could be ppd, I just thought my anxiety was causing it. Or that maybe I’m just a big freak.
>I had a tough time after my second baby. It was all I could do to get my head above water. I felt preety alone at the time, even though I was around people a lot. Moms don’t talk enough about these early struggles, or we joke them away to such a degree that they don’t seem like real concerns.
>oh yeah, and when I admitted in Coffee Group that I had PND, 3 others came out and said they had too. Yet they kept it to themselves for so long. Very sad.
>As a LLL Leader I have met many women who have had PPD on all levels. And sharing is good.
>Yeah. I think I’m still in the midst of it. COming into the clear after these first nine weeks. I think it’s hard to talk about because it’s hard to even keep up with it in myself. I wonder if it’s happening or what words I could put to it. Deer in headlights. Deer in headlights. That’s how I feel more or less. ALSO, congratulations. I can’t wait to hear the tales that come your way. You tell good tale.
>I was completely depressed after the birth of my first baby, but everyone around me would exclaim, “OH YOU ARE SO BLESSED!” Blah blah blah. And, of course, I KNEW I was “blessed.” And my lack of ability to feel the gratitude only compounded the depression… and on it went. Thanks for sharing. I’ll do the same one of these days.