>What a Doll!
>
Yes! Wigs! They’re not just for prostitutes and bald men anymore! Your li’l doll can have a full head of Shirley Temple curls, made with real human hair! Sure, it’s expensive, but isn’t your preshus kutie worth it?
And that’s not all!
Just because your pediatrician guilted you into slathering the 45 SPF on your tot this summer doesn’t mean she has to look like a pasty, white nyerd!
Give your littlest loved ones the gift of sunless tanning! Best of all, Ultra-Dark is now available, just in time for the first day of school!
But wait! There’s more!
How can any self-respecting four-year-old face her friends with a country-ass gap toothed grin?
Poor Kaitlynne Morghanne Ashleigh Greer-Garson!
Well, Kaitlynne Morghanne Ashleigh, suffer no more. Now there are Snap-onz! Yes, for just a few thousand dollars, you too can have the smile of a ninth grader who’s endured two torturous years of braces and meticulously brushed her teeth!
G’on, Girl!
Mothers, it’s not too late. Why suffer through life with an ugly child when you can have one who looks like this???
Act now and receive free therapy sessions for your child for one full year!
>qjiOH MY GOD. I’m dying here. I think you’ve just illustrated that creepy Karr guy’s ultimate fantasy.
>(sorry about the “qjiOH”. I meant “OH”. The rest of that stuff is part of a failed attempt at word verification.)
>I don’t even know what to say. I am really really really disturbed right now.
>I think those kiddie beauty pageants qualify as child abuse.
>If I have horrific nightmares tonight, I’m coming over to put sand in your sugar bowl.
>RUN! RUN! AND DON’T LOOK BACK, OR YOU’LL BE TURNED INTO A PILLAR OF SALT!REPENT, REPENT NOW I SAY!
>WOW, those are real kids? oh so very scary. And if peole have that much money to waste, how about sending soem my way so I can take my sick ass to the doctor without feeling guilty for dipping into the daiper money.
>OMG that is wrong on so many levels.
>aaaaaagggggghhhhhhh! [cowering in terror]
>Don’t do that your to your child, please!
>I hate those pageants with a passion. Hate them. Dress them like that, and men think they ARE women.
>Honestly, it makes me sick to my stomach! I think I might throw up.
>There’s only one cutie in all those pics. 🙂
>oh for the love of God.
>Can you say ‘pedophile magnet’?? I knew you could.Jesus H. Christ on a pogo stick, WTH is wrong with some people?
>I think that is just sad and a little bit sick. Wait. Scratch that, it’s a lot a bit sick.
>Ewewewewewwwwwww!!!!!!!Looks like most of these poor things get their eyebrows waxed, too. Where’s the ad for “hotty girl brow wax by Tiffany?”
>That’s just disturbing. It gives me the heebee-jeebees, kind of like ants crawling on you. Ick.
>i died reading this. I have fallen over and am now dead, because this is that fucking hysterical, honestly.
>Look! It’s a DIY Jean Benet Ramsey kit!
>all these pictures are fucking RANKING ME OUT! they are freaky beyond belief. MAKE.THEM.STOP
>Gah! I hate those stupid pageants. And the pageant moms that make their kids do that. Let them be 6, for god’s sake!! How can people not be worried about pedophiles??
>Awww…your Baby’s beautiful.And so less plastic looking.
>Did you watch Dr.Phil this week? I am not sure if it was a new show or a repeat–it was at 11:30 at night so it was probably a repoeat, but it covered a Mother who does these very things to their pageant daughters. She claimed it was a hobby, but it came out that she completely ignores her son and spends upwards of $8K on outfits for the competitions. I couldn’t look away.
>Disgusting. This just breeds Mark Karr types. But I luv your babes pic! Now THAT is reality. And perfect!!
>That stuff just creeps me out!
>What kills me is a lot of these families don’t have that kind of money to throw around…they charge it all. So they’re up to their eyeballs in debt doing this to the kids who don’t even like it.And everything else that was said here…although no matter what a child looks like NO MAN should touch them…EVER.
>this is so sad. i don’t even understand how this happened?
>Sweet jesus. What are people thinking?(That’s one cute kid you’ve got there, though–the real one, with the pigtails.)
>Have you been watching Dr. Phil? These are the same people who keep Bratz in business.
>The pictures of these little girls just creep me out beyond belief. Especially when they put them in swimsuits.
>ewwww I just picture the whole JonBenet/Karr trial/case thing that is broadcasted on TV all day long! Those girls looks so creepy. Like Brides of Chucky or something. Thanks for the nightmares, but I’ll stick with normal kids thank you very much.
>Sweet Chocolate Christ. Those parents ought to be shot.
>I’m very disturbed, yet very amused.Now I’m going to have nightmares of over-Photoshopped kids chasing me with wigs.
>That’s really freaky. They don’t have DIY boob kits for the kiddies too, do they?
>FYI, I managed to sleep ok despite fear of the, err, little beauties. So go ahead and put sugar on your cornflakes 😉
>Vomir…That’s french for barf.
>At last I have nothing to say except what THEY said. Oh and that I was on the verge of having nightmares, but since Tony is the one being chased by over photoshopped kids with wigs, I’ll just hug my imps and sleep the sleep of, well, non-pageant inflicted, therapy-less, innocent imps.
>parents like that should be fucking shot.
>OMG…I just wet myself…
>The wild thing is there are people who would want that stuff! There are some strange ones out there. I prefer the cute untouched ones like you pictured. 🙂
>You guys are cracking me up!And can I just say… The blonde tanned one! Has roots! She has roots! And she’s like, 10! AIEEEEE!This was inspired, by the way, by my plans to visit a major baby pageant next weekend. Should be interesting…
>Baby has got it going on way more than any of those painted, wigged out pre-bitches. You tell her I said so, okay?
>This is so funny. I read it about four times and laughed harder each time. That last picture is SCARY! I thought you’d Photoshopped the ads until I read the comments.Can’t wait for your post about the baby pageant. That should be interesting.
>I am speechless. They frighten me…except the little cutie with the pigtails…
>That. Is. So. Wrong.*shudder*
>You can have your own John Mark Karr with the purchase of the entire package!!!Sheesh.
>Oh my god, I prefer the one with the pig tails, myself, so color me stupid I guess! She is adorable! The others, will need more therapy than anyone can imagine!Carrie
>That gives me the creeps. Even more than the Doodlebops.
>I am completely creeped out.
>wrong on soooo many levels. But, I love your ad copy. I bet little miss pagents everywhere will be standing in line to get a copyright on your witty one liners for their products. 🙂
>Gahhh! Ick.I’d rather my child and I suffer! 😉
>I’m totally creeped out. I don’t know which is worse; the idea that someone might want to do that to their child, or the idea that someone thinks this is attractive.
>I should totally invent some padded bras for miniature beauty pageant contestants. I could make a killing!Thanks for the idea!
>If you have not yet seen “Little Miss sunshine”, jot it into your schedule next week! This post is timely. C
>This is so sad.In what part of the universe is this in any way a good thing to do to your child?I so don’t get it.
>O .. M .. G .. !I knew about this crap, but it’s still disturbing to find it in your face nonetheless.And Kristi – the padded bras ?Sorry, Mary-Kate & Ashkey are making a killing selling padded bras to the under-10 set – matching french panties even. Nice. Not.
>Little girls need to be little girls. Can you imagine how much of their time is spent grooming, tanning, waxing, posing, practicing their fake smile, and pretending they actually like this? There is no way they have time for normal 4-6 yr old activities. Poor kids, their parents need a reality check.
>I just think they should be banned.NOBODY has ever come out better for them!I don’t think they are anything other than creepy. I feel bad for them and want to ruffle their hair. After I wash all that ho-paint off them. Look at my perfect princess party girl. She sings, she dances, she smiles, she looks pretty, and she never eats anything that has more than three calories, and she’s only 7!
>this is beyong sick..! poor jonbenet…
>I have tried to describe those sites for photographers who do that dead-hooker-style Photoshopping to children (the do it for adults, too), but words always fail me. Have you ever seen that HBO documentary about kid-pageants? UN. REAL. And the thing (which I learned from the documentary) about the fake teeth–and possibly the wigs, too, though I can’t remember that part–is that they are acctually ILLEGAL according to pageant rules.This is a phenomenon that I truly don’t get. And, I mean, I SHOW POODLES. You’d think I’d be among the child-pageant friendly, because the process is really pretty similar, with the exception that we LET OUR DOGS BE DOGS, and they’re only “in drag” for the duration of the show. There is no “rehearsing,” or $8K dresses…at least not yet.There is, however, rampant use of illegal “wiggies.” So far, no false teeth.
>And I ACTUALLY know how to spell “ACTUALLY.”
>And I was thinking…when Bella was a flowergirl in June, we TOTALLY went hog-wild dolling her up. And took 4,000 pictures. I mean, seriously, over the top. BUT–for her, it was “playing princess” and wearing a beautiful dress for an afternoon. If you look at the pictures, it’s soooo different than those pageant ones. These pictures are of HER skin, HER teeth, HER smile, HER goony expressions…just HER. (that last one is my fave, BTW–she had just been ejected from the actual ceremony, and was not happy about it.) No makeup, no fake tan…we LOVE her beautiful, creamy skin and the subtle natural roses in her cheeks. If people HAVE to have “kid pageants,” why can’t they be like that?
>As far as I can tell, every child has a wig now. I mean every single one. The hairdressers don’t even advertise that they fix real hair. All their prices are for the various sizes of falls for kids. I did notice that more places are doing “natural” pageants- where kids wear no make-up and are judged strictly on personality and stage presence rather than costume and hair and make-up. So that’s a start, at least…Bella is gorgeous, by the way!
>Wow. So that’s what’s wrong with my kid. Hold on please while I go out and take out a second mortgage on the house for her nose job.
>Ah, yes, the ‘real’ American Dream. Dress up your little girls like high-priced hookers. Charming. Now I won’t sleep tonight. Thanks a lot.
>That was seriously disturbing, but you know those wigs could come in handy. I mean my little ones hate brushing their hair. Think of how much time I could save by just slapping on a wig? Yippee Skippee it would also give them one one thing to rip off and smear in the mud
>Holy crap, that is creepy.
>Apparently I need some makeup tips from those moms who do their kid’s faces, because my makeup never looks that flawless. Or caked on. How do they get their preshus kuties to sit still long enough for that? All I could think the whole time I was seeing those pictures was that they look like JonBenet. Though I have a friend who did pageant stuff when she was a kid and she loved it. I haven’t seen pictures so I have no idea if she looked like these “beauties” but she chose it and she loved it. I guess if it’s not forced, then cool.
>Oh! My! Gosh!Those last 2 pics are hilarious!I spewed Diet Dr. Pepper all over the compy.That is SO not what I saw coming! LOL
>OK, I laughed, and then I cried. Then, I laughed again. I’ve actually seen these kids (well, not these kids, but our Georgian wanna-be beauty queen varieties) in person, and they even force this stuff on the youngest toddlers. You should see a one-year-old try to balance with one of those wigs on. Very entertaining.Also? If you get the time, Google the Irish Gypsies. Utterly fascinating people. All the women dress like beauty queens. And the little boys look like they just escaped from Ice Capades. My husband and I go out to dinner at the local restaurant where they dine on Saturdays. We pay for dinner, and we get the show for free.
>ROFLMBO!!! You have GOTTA be kiddin’ me! This can NOT be real… please tell me this IS not real… ohhhhh what kind of world are my grandbabies going to come into? I LOVE your blog!
>OMG! It’s both horrifying and hilarious at the same time!
>that shit is just plain creepy.
>Your baby is so cute!!! Love her smoochy-face and her pig-tails.
>http://www.babytoupee.com/There's another one for ya: Baby Toupee… can this be real??
>I think you are all asses to assume that parents MAKE their children do pageants!!! What little girl doesn’t want to be a princess, and what little girl doesn’t wnat to do her hair and make up just like mommy. I do pageants with my 4 year old daughter and she loves to have her hair and make up done and put on the pretty clothes. She still eats what ever she wants to and still plays just like a 4year old. We dont keep her in the make up and clothing all the time and she is not forced to do anything. If she was to say I don’t want to do this then we don’t do it. None of you know anything!! But I guess you are entitled to your opinions as wellas I am. I really don’t think I need to be shot because my daughter likes to play dress up!!! And Kate the shrew, how in the hell does a pageant qualify as child abuse?? And to differ with the comment that most of the families can not afford it and are charging it on plastic. Wrong, most of the families are very well off. As for me I use cash only!!! I have no credit cards, and we do no pageants until all bills are paid!!! So we are no in debt because of it!!
>And what little girl doesn’t want to eat ice cream all day, or stay up all night long, or put on red nail polish all by herself?You are the parent. You are supposed to keep her from looking like a little Vegas showgirl. There’s a difference between putting fairy wings and a tutu on a little girl and putting a bikini and fake tan and wig and false eyelashes and teeth on her.Shame on you.
wtfÂ
the poor kid
i think kids look better and more cuter just the they r  this shit prostitute  makeup make barbie look realÂ
its one thing to put makeup(u no the makeup parents put on children for ballet ECT) , a wig, a tutu , fairy wigs and a tiara on a child
its  too extreme to put stupid make children look fake makeupÂ
dont make ur child feel bad about the way they lookÂ
no one can change thatÂ
so to the ppl that are buying this crap
ur ruining ur childs childhood