>What I should’ve said.
>If I felt bad about Baby’s recent experimentation with the f-word, I don’t anymore.
At the soccer fields yesterday, my 12-year-old stepdaughter and a friend were practicing goal kicks while Baby and I played nearby. It wasn’t long before we were joined by a scrappy-looking three-year-old boy.
“I play soccer too,” he informed us. “Watch this.” He proceeded to throw his ball in the air and wildly kick his foot out in front of him, making contact with nothing but air.
“Oh, wow, that’s very good,” I said.
“Does her play soccer?” he asked, pointing at Baby.
“She’s too small to play,” I said. “But she wants to. She tries.”
“Oh,” he said, nodding. “Her should watch me.” He ran up to 12 and her friend and tried again to kick his ball into the goal. He missed.
“Oh shit!” he shouted.
We giggled. Wonder where he’d heard that one?
He kicked and missed again. “Shit!” The girls looked at each other and snorted.
The three-year-old moved into the goal. “Kick it to me!” he screamed at 12. “And if you kick me in the face, I’ll rip your head off, you baby diaper bitch!”
We all stopped and stared at him in shocked silence.
“Um. Where are your parents?” I asked, picking up Baby.
“They’re way over there,” he said, pointing at the bleachers in the distance.
I realized then that there’s a difference between a toddler yelling “Fuck! Fuck! Fuck!” and one cursing with an obvious understanding of what the words mean. You really have to wonder what’s going on in that kid’s house.
“Come on, girls!” I said brusquely to 12 and her friend, then rushed past the toilet-mouthed toddler with Baby in my arms, futilely trying to cover her ears.
“That is not really appropriate language,” I said through clenched teeth to Little Scrappy as we passed him by. I leaned in closer. “Next time, try mothafucka. Mo-tha-fuh-kah,” I enunciated. He gave me a curious look. “Trust me. Your parents will love it.”
>I remember my mother “washing my mouth out with soap.” Does anyone do that anymore? Of is soap considered too high in carbs nowadays?
>So nice of you to share the love. You are so so generous.Seriously, that is sad.
>BTW, love your new headings!
>OMG! I can’t believe that kid. You have to feel a little sorry for him, because you’re right; he obviously understands what he’s saying, which means he’s more than just “overheard” those words once or twice. Geez.
>*SCHMACK* That’s a kiss for a hilarious comeback. While it would disturb me to hear my 20 month old yelling the f-bomb (although considering our current circumstances, I couldn’t really blame her) BUT to hear all that come out of the mouth of a small child, I might have something to say.
>Kid can’t use proper grammar and probably still wets the bed, but can swear better than most adults. Nice parents he’s got there, they must be proud of their future delinquient.
>OH MY GAWD! There’s just nothing you can say to that. Holy crap.Good comeback, by the way. You rock! 🙂
>Okay. I know I’m gonna get it from some Worried Mommy, so in case I wasn’t crystal clear with the title, I did not say “mothafucka” to a three-year-old boy. I’m not quite that rotten. Although perhaps “mofo” would’ve been appropriate, I stopped short of building his vocabulary and merely left.I contemplated mentioning what I’d heard to his parents in a kind of “Wasn’t that funny?” way, but when I figured out whom they were, well. Heh. No. They were clearly a head-knocking baby diaper bitch kinda family.
>Dear Lord, Please don’t let that have been The Preschooler Formerly Known as Busy Baby.Amen.
>The saddest part of this story is that it is believable and unbelievable at the same time. Why are there so many baby-makers out there and not so many parents? I’m sure this kid’s mama would have been up in arms if you actually had used that comeback. But I doubt they would have recognized the irony.
>Reminds me of the two-year-old I used to babysit. I once called him “sweetheart” and he said, “Why you say me sweetheart?” And I said, “‘Cuz you’re sweet and I like you. Why? What do you think I should call you?” He said, “Ummm, dickhead.” Apparently that was Mommy’s pet name for Daddy. Poor kid.
>Part of me wanted to hang the kid from the goalposts, but then again what kind of household has he come from to learn language like that? Uff, it’s like 60 Minutes. Only I live in the UK, so I’ve never seen 60 Minutes. I just hear they have conundrums like this.
>WOW! Such language! I’m sure his parents will adore his new word! hehehe
>He was only a toddler? When I was first reading it, I thought he was like 12 or something!
>I am laughing out loud and I think my husband is going to call my doc to see if I should up my meds again!!!Fucking classic!
>Sounds like a potential new member for Baby’s posse.
>Holy crap! I can’t believe little kids are cursing like that at such a young age. Wonder what conversations with his mom and dad are like. That being said, I LOVE how you taught him a new word to throw back at his folks. I also love your articulated enunciation. Just to make sure he gets it right. Hilarious!
>baby diaper bitch? i don’t get it. is that an actual expression that people use nowadays or did he make it up himself? either way, i’m equally appalled.
>Sounds like my nephew. Seriously. Makes my hubs and I wonder what in the world goes on in their house. (I do live in Redneck County afterall.) You should have taught him Mofo. His parents probably wouldn’t even have got it. And it sounds a lot better than “baby diaper bitch.” Can you imagine how much money that kid is going to cost the justice system in the future? Scary.
>youch.my 6 year old nephew spouts stuff like that in between telling people “i can’t help it, my mom says i’m retarded” and she does. and she means it. and i’m horrified.he started early too. however he has a very thick accent and doesn’t enunciate properly so i can pretend i don’t understand. usually.now when my niece (age 8) shouted “we’re going to play SEX PARTY!, it’s the BEST GAME” i had to speak up.which is precisely why i don’t spend much time with my in-laws.
>Oh, he’s sooooo cute. But, yes, totally inappropriate language, I agree, for sure, yep, that would not have made me giggle out loud because that is reprehensible behaviour I tell ya, just ludicrous, from a THREE YEAR OLD? Jeez, baby.diaper.bitch. Oh my dear God, I would still be rolling with laughter, but not approving laughter, oh no, that is not acceptable from a toddler. How are you able to breathe? That was TOO damn funny! OK, it’s probably a good thing you didn’t confront the parents but in a sadistic sort of way I am relishing the thought of how they would have reacted had you taught their son a new choice word. Or maybe not, they may have bitch slapped him. Horrible parents one way or the other, I’m sure. Thanks for the laugh.
>I think the thing that bothers me about the language issue is that there is often a lot of anger that goes along with it. I wonder what kind of a household this tiny person is growing up in? Honestly, sometimes an involved community can make all the difference. I hope there is someone in that little guy’s life who is having a postive impact on him.
>HA HA! Ok. I’m not laughing. HA HA. Seriously, not laughing. I mean, it’s totally not funny. HA HA HA!
>wow. too bad his parents were sitting so far away, it would have been interesting to see the looks on their faces had they heard him say that in front of everyone. i wonder how they would have reacted…?p.s. you’re so awful. 😉
>wow, baby diaper bitch! that’s actually really original for a 3-year-old! does his dad happen to be Andrew Dice Clay? 😉
>Too bad he’s so shy around strangers… imagine what he’s like once he gets to know you!Poor kid.
>Wow. I mean, what do you say to that? Just wow.
>Tell that stupid punk the new cool word is cocksucker.
>Yikes. Quite a difference between a toddler repeating something she doesn’t understand, and an older kid using words he (sort of) understands. I used to work in a small office with three men who swore constantly. One of the guys was an award-winning pottymouth — it seemed like every other word out of his mouth was foul. One day he had to leave work early to attend a parent-teacher conference. The next morning, he said the teacher had informed him that his six-year-old had told a classmate, “Shut the f*** up!” Nice. Would’ve been nicer if the incident had effected lasting positive change around our office. ;^)
>That is not funny but I am laughing. I know those words would really impress the parents. I am trying not to laugh, really.
>I can so agree with you as far as the difference between a little kid saying a word because he/she heard it before and NOT knowing what it means or that it’s bad and another kid using it properly and so um cohesively. That really is sad, I don’t wonder what’s going on cause I’m pretty sure I already know and it isn’t pretty.
>OH NO YOU DI-INT!! Girlfriend!!!