>When I left home for college, my mom was all about the empty nesting. “I just don’t know what I’m going to doooooo without her,” she moaned to her friends on the phone, prompting dozens of sympathetic ladies-who-lunch dates. “I’m just too sadddddd to go to church this morning,” she whimpered to my father on […]

>It was the best of times, it was the worst of times. It was my Saturday night. Hubs was up for A Big Award at a locally televised ceremony last night, along with several of his co-workers (my former co-workers). We decided to make a date night of it, pulling our dusty formalwear out of […]

>Last night, Baby was standing in front of me holding half an orange crayon. Thoughtfully, she put the end of it in her mouth. “No, Baby,” I said. “We don’t put crayons in our mouths. No.” Quickly, she removed the crayon, looked at it quizzically for a moment, then popped it in her mouth again. […]

>If anyone ever offers you a bag of Arbonne products to try for a week? Just. Say. No. About a week ago, I mentioned that one of my friends had become an Arbonne consultant and loaned out a $266 skin care line for me to sample and return, along with (She hoped! She hoped!) a […]

>Strange things are happening here at Suburban Turmoil. Ever since my Golden Globes wrap-up, I have found myself caught in the uncomfortable Google beam of Lisa Rinna Radar. All sorts of folks have been sifting through the pages of my life, searching for more information on “Lisa Rinna hairstyle,” “Lisa Rinna dress,” “Lisa Rinna Freak […]

>INTERIOR: A courtroom formidably outfitted in shades of brown, light brown and dark brown. BAILIFF: “All rise for Carpool Court!” ENTER Lucinda from back door as music swells in the background. Something along the lines of Ba dum dum. Ba dum dum DUM! (tick a tick a tick a tick a) Ba dum dum. Ba […]

>”Lucinda, this is Mindy. She’s been reading your blog.” Sally, my friend from high school, introduced me to Mindy last night over cocktails at a trendy tapas bar. I was staying with Sally for the weekend, doing what any good wife and mother does when she’s on her own for a few days with her […]

>It’s a strange thing to leave a place where I’m the mother, the wife, the chief cook and bottle washer, the launderer, the nanny and the naggy nag nag- and to end up in a place where I am and will always be simply the child. For all my responsibilities, my accomplishments, my stretch marks […]

>Note to friend of my 15-year-old stepdaughter: Do not call at 6am to tell us it’s a snow day. We realized this when lots of snow fell the night before. We will hear the phone ring and think someone has died and rush to answer it and not fall back asleep until 7am. Note to […]

>As you’ve watched me blatantly whore for Best of Blogs votes this weekend, perhaps you’ve been a bit surprised, even alarmed, by witnessing this new and unexpected element of my personality. “Lucinda always seemed like a woman of integrity,” I can hear you saying in my mind. “I would have thought she’d be far too […]