“I wanted a different life. I didn’t want to live in the suburbs. I didn’t want to be a wife or a PTA mom. I just had bigger aspirations.” -Jessica Alba, Jane Magazine, October 2005 There’s a reason that magazines like In Touch and People are on the stands instead of In Touch with Reality […]
November 22, 2005
I did it. Spending just under thirty minutes and just over sixty dollars, I have ensured that Baby will have a veritable mountain of (slightly-used) toys to open on Christmas morning. If you could see this mountain, you would surely gasp, “Lucinda! How did you manage to buy all of these expensive and oh-so-popular toys […]
November 18, 2005
“Mommy goes potty.” I’m sitting on the toilet, talking to my 1 1/2 year-old, who’s eyeing me curiously. “Pah-ee?” she asks hesitantly. “Poo poo?” “Yes! Poo poo! Mommy goes poo poo!” She looks unconvinced. “Unh!” I say. “Unnnnnh!” I try to mimic the face she makes when she’s pooping. My performance is far from Oscar-worthy; […]
November 17, 2005
Hi, everyone. I apologize for the comment deletion, but I got one too many e-mails from people telling me that they couldn’t comment on Haloscan. Add to that the fact that Haloscan deletes comments on old posts and that I can’t get my comments via e-mail and I finally decided to go back to Blogger […]
November 17, 2005
So now that we’ve made the horrible mistake of buying 15 an iPod for her birthday, we’re frantically pouring all of our earnings into trying to make the damn thing work. $200, a computer technician and several hours’ worth of updates later, we’ve yet to download a single song. I won’t bore you with the […]
November 11, 2005
How can I describe the exquisite torture an angst-ridden 12-year-old can inflict upon an unsuspecting stepmother? Tiny knives to the heart? A sucker punch to the gut? A bitch slap? 12 is going through a rough spot. And I am totally unprepared to handle it. She’s navigating the dark waters of adolescence in her own […]
November 8, 2005
You’d think I lived in a funhouse with crazy, slanted floors. Either that or certain members of my family were genetically cursed with an inner ear disorder that causes them to lurch inexplicably whenever a beverage is placed in their hands. I’m talking about Hubs and my 12-year-old stepdaughter. Both of them have an extraordinary […]
November 7, 2005
There’s almost nothing a domestic goddess won’t do to spice up her life. Susie Sunshine uses frilly aprons to drive her husband wild, while Angie’s developed a meatloaf that doubles as a potent aphrodisiac. Me, I’m enjoying a little fling- with Mr. Clean. I’ll have to admit that I got his number from Ms. Sunshine. […]
November 5, 2005
There are way too many sappy childbirth stories on the Internet. Women dreamily recount their water births (…and then my mer-cherub swam to the surface and gave me a dazzling smile), their caesarean sections (…as I held my little crumpet in my arms, I knew it was all worthwhile) and even their epidurals (…I felt […]
November 3, 2005
Ah, the pageantry, the excess, the gaudiness that is Suburban Halloween… We did it up right last night, in so many ways. For starters, Hubs and I forced our croupy, cranky baby to dress up in a ballerina costume and go begging around the neighborhood for candy- candy that was clearly for Hubs and me. […]
November 1, 2005