Potty Mouth
“Mommy goes potty.”
I’m sitting on the toilet, talking to my 1 1/2 year-old, who’s eyeing me curiously.
“Pah-ee?” she asks hesitantly. “Poo poo?”
“Yes! Poo poo! Mommy goes poo poo!”
She looks unconvinced.
“Unh!” I say. “Unnnnnh!” I try to mimic the face she makes when she’s pooping. My performance is far from Oscar-worthy; I can’t seem to master the watery eyes and red cheeks needed to make my scene truly compelling.
“UNNNNNH!” I grunt loudly, prompting Baby to squeal and run to her bedroom.
Alone on the john, I realize I have once again reached rock bottom.
Of all the things no one mentions in conversations about having small children, potty training, and specifically a mother’s role in it, is one of the biggies.
I knew it would be tough to convince Baby to transition from a diaper to a potty. I had no idea that one of the most important early methods of training was allowing her to watch her family, um, do their business.
I also had no idea that my entire family would opt out of the learn-by-watching phase, leaving me to do the dirty work all by myself.
“Ewwwwww!” 12 said when I mentioned that Baby might benefit from hanging out in the bathroom sometimes while she’s in there.
“Grosssssssss!” 15 shouted after I asked if Baby could sit in on her morning “routine”.
I couldn’t believe Hubs would let me down.
“Can you take her now?” he asked me on a recent Saturday. “I have to go to the bathroom.”
“Well, let her play in there, too,” I said. “She needs to see how Daddy goes potty.”
“But I really have to go,” he said.
“That’s okay. It’s nothing she hasn’t seen before.”
“Honey. I really have to go.”
Apparently, man not only dies alone, he also goes poo poo alone. End of discussion.
Which leaves me, mock-grunting on the toilet. And explaining the process to a gaping toddler.
“Mommy goes poo poo on the potty. Big girls go poo poo on the potty. Baby goes poo poo in her diaper.”
“Ohhhhh,” Baby says thoughtfully. “Baby poo poo.”
And in the end, I can see that this is yet another reason why God blessed us with the ability to forget the first two years or so of our lives. Because I’m pretty sure the mental image of Mommy going poo poo is one we’ll both be eager for her to forget.
>Oh, it doesn’t stop when they’re potty trained. My son likes to sit with me while I go. Joy!
>I remember going through this, and hubs never once allowed anyone to be in the bathroom with him!
>At eighteen months, Hannah loved shoving things between he back of my butt and the edge of the toilet seat. While I was pooping. Rachel used to get into the tampax box below the sink and sometimes I’d just let her have a go at it, so I could have a moment.
>Heh heh. If that’s true, I’ll have my little shitter trained in no time.Mi potty es su potty. Kinda helps when there’s only three in the household, I spose.
>Looks like baby is ready for the Everybody Poops book-we might still have it around here some place-should I send it?I love the Camel poop-in three humps-in that book:)very funny post-
>Thank God…Help has arrived.http://www.peeandpoo.com/eng/flasheng.asp
>Plush toys in the shape of pee and poo? yep, I’ve been that desperate. Mind you, I worry about the psychology of making them cuddly… potty training is generally about letting them go, not taking them to bed and tucking them in with you. Should be very popular with the adult-diaper-fetishists, don’t you think?Good luck with it all, and it WILL happen, some time between now and starting school…As for hubs, mine is the opposite and so comfortable in there that the kids come and go as they please (i’ve had to forcibly prevent him taking the laptop in there now we are wireless!)
>hahahahah!!!!you have to check your dignity at the door when you have kids. last night, I was hiding in the bathroom, basically wanting to some peace, and counted 17 visits from my children in a 5 minute time span. ugh..
>My son has only recently started asking for “privacy” while pottying, but will stand there waiting for a wipe afterward, so maybe he hasn’t totally developed modesty yet. ;^) Our bathroom has two doors, and on the occasions when I’ve closed one (to the room my son was in), the kiddo has sneaked around to the other one to make sure I’m still in there. 🙂
>I was just informed that I can still access comments on Haloscan… So for this post, I’ll cut and paste the old comments.Interstellar Lass said: ohmigod. yes. i am howling here… i am about to do it all over again with my two-year-old…then the baby. meanwhile my husband asks, are you working on potty-training? if by working on, you mean thinking about, longing for, and hoping it spontaneously happens — well, then, yes. sigh. Wireman said: My son trained fairly early and I was so proud I told my cousin who promptly squashed my enthusiasm by saying,”Potty trained? That’s nothing. Wait until you don’t have to wipe their butt any more.” Masked Mom said: Ya’ know something else no one mentions? How hard it is to get them to stop following you into the bathroom once the necessary lessons are learned… Cin said: Oh my! Suddenly I’m intensely grateful I never had to go through this with my cats. On the other hand, with any luck you won’t ever have to deal with fur cling-ons or pee foot….I hope Baby appreciates you when she’s older! Mary said: LOL! I’m like your hubby – aloneness is goodness in the potty. THANK GOD for Prudence and the “Once Upon A Potty” videos we wore out when it was time to potty-train our kids… Minerva said: *laughing* Oh you have brought back so many memories! I had three daughters under two and I remember the potties lined up in the bathroom… I found the only answer was bribery….Minerva Misfit Hausfrau said: It’s a poop convention at my house when I have to go. My almost 3 year old comes in to comment on how I’m stinkin up the joint and my 9 month old crawls up to the toilet in the hopes that she can swirl her arms in the bowl. I’ve already decided that my older daughter will train the baby once she is completely trained. I can’t handle doing it twice. Vanessa said: I think only Mamas are willing to stoop that low just to teach their little ones the poo poo in the potty routine. You have cracked me up with this one! Erin said: Oh my god, you’re killing me! LOL! Wait until you hear this one: “Mommy, you have a fuzzy between your legs”.Uh, thanks, I take care of that right away! Maddii said: That was hilarious and bought back memories. My son always saw me use the toilet cause I was too scared to leave him for a second on his own. He toilet trained in 4 days just before turning 2. As Masked Mom mentioned its a lot harder to shut them out afterwards…..good luck.
>My daughter is 21 months and she’ll take elmo and make him go potty…but when it’s her turn she has no clue what that chair is for. I hope it gets easier.