Curses!
Okay, people, we’ve got a crisis on our hands.
This afternoon, 12 was doing her homework in the playroom when she came hurtling out of the room with a bewildered Baby in her arms.
“Baby just cussed,” she reported breathlessly.
“Cussed,” I repeated. “What did she say exactly?”
“She said…. THE ‘F’ WORD.”
“What?!” I laughed disbelievingly.
“Yeah. The ‘F’ word. I’m not going to say it.”
“Don’t say it.”
“I’m not going to say it. But she was walking around saying her alphabet and then she said it. Twice.”
“I’m sure she didn’t mean to.”
“Yeah. Me too. I’m sure she meant to say something else. But I just thought you should know.”
“Thank you,” I said.
Kids, I thought to myself, shaking my head as 12 headed back upstairs. As if Baby would ever say the f-word on purpose.
An hour or so later, all three girls and I had congregated in the kitchen. Baby was marching around waving a spatula when…
“F*ck!” she shouted.
The room grew quiet. I felt my head implode.
“F*ck!” she said again, before giggling and running into the den.
Oh.
Dear God.
No.
“Hubs, we have a situation,” I said after speed dialing him. I told him everything.
“She didn’t say ‘f*ck’,” he said. “My baby,” he answered to an eavesdropper at work.
Great. The news was already spreading.
“Yes she did,” I responded. “I heard her.”
“She couldn’t have said it,” he insisted. “Neither of us use that word. I don’t say it.”
I paused. Reddened. Maybe Hubs rarely used the ‘F’ word….
But I did.
Not in front of my family… But alone sometimes, if I scrape my hand on the inside of the dishwasher or if I leave my house and get in my car only to realize that my cellphone is still inside on the kitchen counter or if I’m really, really late to an appointment, well, I just might let slip a hearty, “Oh f*ck!”
Only now, I’m never alone. Mini Me is watching. She’s already picked up my phone greeting, (“Heeeeeyyyy!”), my “Ummmm’s” when I don’t have a ready answer for something, and my habit of “sss-sss-sss”ing when I think something’s funny.
Why wouldn’t she pick up my sailor’s mouth, too? What was I thinking?!
And now… What do I do?!
I can’t exactly write to American Baby Magazine for advice. Can you imagine?
Dear Dr. Sears,
My baby won’t stop saying ‘f*ck.’ What the hell am I supposed to do about it?
Sincerely,
Won’t-Stop-Saying-F*ck’s-Mom
So I’ll put my embarrassing question to you. How do you eliminate the “F” word from a 1 1/2 year-old’s vocabulary? Like, immediately?
Because our Christmas party is in a week and a half and if she lets it fly during this event, well I’m screwed. I mean. I’m in trouble.
Help?!
>OK. This is an easy one. I know she is only 1.5, but tell her that is a no-no word every time she says it. Make no other reaction.However, if she happens to say it at your party, tell people she is trying to say ‘fork’.I swear to god when my now 3-yr old was learning to say fork, she said fuck instead. Same thing with ‘clock’. It came out ‘cock’.Another thing, if she says ‘fuck’ ask her “do you need a fork honey?” As long as you don’t make a big deal out of it, no one will be any the wiser!Good luck!
>HA HA HA! OK, I love Erin’s advice! I didn’t know what to say except “you’re screwed”! But that makes sense. Confuse it with fork.
>Carry a toy truck wherever you go and constantly say, “That’s right! It is a “truck”!
>LMAO! Busy Mom gave you great advice! I have used the ‘truck’ excuse myself! Fork would work too!Um, just tell her no, that she should not say that word, that it’s icky.Good luck! 😀
>actually, the way that Erin suggested is the way that child psychologists work with this all the time.Guess I better clean up the language before Peanut in born in march. awwww…. FORK it!!
>See, I wouldn’t tell her it is a No-No word at all. With my kids, that would make them WANT to say it–to see the reaction they got! I know Baby is still a little small for that, so maybe the no-no idea would work.I had this problem (and sometimes still do with my son). He likes to point with his middle finger. I have never told him it is a bad finger or has other meaning than to point. But, I try to control my reaction and not cringe when we’re in stores and he’s waving around the bird showing me things he likes! I try to stress to him the first finger is the real “pointer” finger and that’s what it is called. So far, it works only sometime. Let us know if you fix this problem. I drop a lot of f-bombs and cuss like a sailor sometimes (not around my son, but like you my little “sponge” is always there to hear). I have a feeling I’ll need your advice on this very soon!
>I have no advice.I can offer empathy, advice’s unemployed cousin.My girl says “damn it all to hell” and “Jesus Crimney” (He-Hus Kymmy).She was saying bitch constantly and we did go the name-change-route, and quickly switched it to gar-bitch (garbage) and it worked like a charm.Good Fuck, uh I mean Luck.
>lol…. go with the fork! let us know how it works out! lol
>This is a riot. Sorry to be laughing at your expense!My son says the F-word too, but he means “fort.” Seriously. I was buying a tie from a fancy salesperson at Nordstrom. The boy was getting antsy while he waited, so I took out his blankie, covered his head with it and said, “Where’d you go?” He answered, “Fuck!” He said (and meant) the same thing in front of his grandparents. I’ve had to explain quite a bit. If your babe says it in front of someone, you might not want to say, “She picked that up from me.” My advice? Lie.
>Oh, I’ll lie all right. No one’s going to know it came from ME… except all of cyberspace!The problem is that she’s a great enunciator, so really it sounds like nothing else. Nothing at all. Except ‘fuck.’ I’m definitely gonna have to act like it’s the worst thing in the world if she says it again. I’m hoping she’ll just fuggedaboutit. Because she’ll never hear me say it again!
>you need to teach her some words that are very close to f*ck, like truck, buck, shucks, so if it slips out, you can blame it on that. oh, and don’t take her to church and if you do, don’t sit in the front row.
>Dear Fucks Mom,You don’t. You just hand her a truck and explain, “She doesn’t know how to say truck properly, tee-hee.”Sincerely,Dr. Sears(Fuck, you thought I was a man, didn’t you.)
>I’m sorry Lucinda-but it’s a good thing her cyber auntie JAK was not there-cause I’m laughing uncontrolable at the moment:)-how funny-I say the truck or fork thing is good-makes sence and is the logical thing to do-of course we could be unlogical and laugh our asses off over this- and then that darling cutie girl will turn it into a big show off game…she is just too cute-my litte truck driver baby!
>Heh. When my son was your daughter’s age, he used to say “Oh JESUS!” and my dad was horrified. I think my mom thought it was funny, but she was overruled. ;^) I just started ignoring him or replacing it with something else: “Say ‘Doggone it!'” I followed it up with praise and excitement and it actually worked. Then he picked up “Oh shit!” (Do I *never* learn??) At that point, he was four years old and I could explain that it was a no-no word. I even gave him permission to call me on it if I said it, and he got a lot more pleasure out of that than he did out of saying the word itself. ;^)
>I’m in the “ignore it” till it goes away club. She will probably tire of it very quickly if she doesn’t get any reaction. The truck/fork thing is great in the meantime. (Of course, a lot of moms have used that trick so you might be busted, but at least you’ll know you’re not alone!)
>Oh, I had to comment again to just say I’m ROFL at Raehan’s comment!
>Laughing my head off…. =) Good luck!
>The F Bomb was my daughter’s first curse word, but we didn’t react and she didn’t really say it again. Currently, we are working on her constant swearing, thanks to a visit to Grammas (http://misfithausfrau.blogspot.com/2005/10/time-out-for-busia.html). Not saying I’m an angel, but my mother took the cake. Truckin-A!
>I can’t believe what some of your kids are saying! Oh Jesus and Damn it all to hell?! That’s much more creative than mine… I can’t believe you, Raehan! I never thought I’d see you type that word!!! I’m in shock!
>When my cousin’s daughter was four, she knocked her sippy cup off the table and immediately said, “What the fuck?!” My cousin, after recovering from the shock, tried to ignore it and her daughter never said it again. However, she really does have to watch what she says. Damn. Kids.
>After reading your comments I have an incridible desire to just scream “Truck you!” at the next person who cuts me off in traffic.My daughter went through a similar phase where she liked to wrestle with her father. Only he would pronounce with a southern accent, like “wrastle.” As in “You wanna wrastle?” As a result, for months, our daughter would chase after her father calling “Asshole? Asshole?” when she wanted to wrestle her father. It would crack me up everytime!
>I am totally in the “ignore it” club. If you (and nobody else) say nothing back and don’t even look at her I bet money the word will diappear in two days.That said….FUNNY!
>Ignore it out loud and secretly chuckle. It will pass quickly, especially if someone else cleans up her mouth. And then she’ll go to school and it will start all over- and then you have to tell her it’s not a good plan. When Dan was a toddler he loved trucks and he spent six months shrieking BIG COCK! everytime he saw one.
>That was Dr. Sears talking, not little old me.I don’t actually say Fuck.Very often.But I do fail these word verification tests. Like just now. Damn. I’ll try again.
>1. Teach her some new and harder words like asparagus and broccoli spaghetti and chimney. 2. Uninvite uptight people to the party. 3. Introduce her to Helen in your newest post! Enjoy your little mimic girl!!
>As soon as I heard my three yr old say “what’s shit?” after I innocently let the word slip, I immediately changed my tune. Now you can hear the kid exclaiming “Holy Moly!” a hundred times a day. Doesn’t quite have the zing, but at least we can be in public together.
>When my oldest was two, she overheard me while showing a photo album to my cousin. I captioned a picture of my mother-in-law as “The Beast”. Imagine my chagrin when, next time we go to pick up grandma to take her to the dentist, my sweet little girl waves goodbye to grandma and yells, “‘Bye, Beast!” Thank God no one could understand her but me. I rolled up all the windows as we drove away and practiced, “‘Bye, GRANDMA!” with her for the next mile. I got it under control pretty quickly, maybe a week. Thought it was funny, shared the incident with hubby, who did NOT find it amusing at all and who has never let me forget it.
>(Wiping eyes)The Thanksgiving my son was two, my brother in law was trying to amuse Cass by showing him his watch while everyone went to the table. Cassidy came running down the hall shouting ‘Mommy! Come see Tony’s cock!’I feel for you.
>OH MY GOD!!THIS STARTED HAPPENING TO MY 2 1/2 SON YESTERDAY.. THE BAD THING IS THAT HE KNOWS EXACTLY WHEN TO — USE THE WORD LIKE WHEN SOMETHING FALLS, HE LOOSES A GAME OR SOMETHING DOESNT HAPPEN THE WAY HE WANTS. I TOLD MY HUSBAND ABOUT THE FORK ALTERNATIVE. BUT IT WILL BE KIND OF FUNNY THAT HE SAYS IT WHEN HE LOOSES A GAME AND WE TELL THE OTHER PEOPLE HE IS TRAYING TO SAY FORK (ITS A LITTLE OBVIOUS).BESIDES HE IS GOING TO DAYCARE. WE ARE AFRAID THAT THEY WILL CALL US TO TALL US HE IS SAYING THE F** WORD.YESTERDAY WHEN HE STARTED I COULD’T BELIEVE HE WAS SAYING IT SO I SAID NO.. ITS YUCK!! AND THE OTHER 20 TIMES HE SAID IT AFTER HE SAID IT WE ASKED HIM “WHAT DID YOU JUST SAID” AND THEN HE WOULD CORRECT AND SAY YUK INSTEAD OF FUCK.WHAT CAN I DO NOW. PLEASE LET ME KNOW???