>Fascinating Womanhood
>Let’s take a break from pageantry, shall we?
Instead, we’ll enter the fascinating world of Fascinating Womanhood, a book written by Helen Andelin (whom I suspect is actually a woman-hating man) that instructs women on how to be the perfect submissive housewife. Here are a few quotes from the book:
“A man is by nature and temperament a born leader, who tends to be decisive and have the courage of his convictions. A woman, on the other hand, tends to vacillate.“
“Women need protection from work that is not appropriate for the feminine sex, such as driving a truck, construction work, road work, or anything greasy or masculine. Some types of office work are inappropriate, such as executive jobs, management positions, police work, or top political posts.“
“Itβs better to surrender your point of view to a man than win an argument. Itβs more feminine.“
“The air of being able to kill their own snakes is just what destroys the charm of many business and professional women. And it is the absence of this air that permits many a brainless doll to capture an able and intelligent man.“
“Women are afraid of unreal dangers, such as lighting, thunder, strange noises, spiders, mice and even dark shadows, much to the amusement of men. Men love this trait in women, for in the presence of such weakness, the man feels stronger.”
Helen goes on to describe in excruciating detail how a woman can make her man love her by doing everything from taking his shoes off when he gets home from work to cooing and purring in his ear to wearing lace and gauzy, girlish clothing whenever possible. She firmly believes that if a husband is unhappy, it is the wife’s fault- and she should ask herself what she is doing wrong to cause his displeasure.
You might think Helen’s out of her mind, but the dame has sold two million copies of Fascinating Womanhood, so clearly, plenty of women are buying into it. I decided to put her bizarre theories to the test, and became a Fascinating Woman for one week. You can read the shocking results in this week’s Nashville Scene. The full text is below…
To Hell with Housewifery
βHel-lo, thereβs a basket for shoes right by the front door,β I grumbled after tripping over Hubsβ gigantic sneakers for the umpteenth time. βEveryone uses it but you!β
βHey!β Hubs shot back from the den. βI work hard! I can put my shoes wherever I want!β
Seething, I kicked his sneakers into a corner. Who the hell did he think I was, Donna Reed? I certainly wasnβt his maid and this was not how a modern-day marriage worked. I fumed silently for a while before coming up with the perfect solution.
I would be Donna Reed for one week! Hubs would totally hate it and realize that even with all my faults, I was infinitely preferable to a brainless 50s housewife. To aid my transformation, I picked up a copy of Helen Andelinβs Fascinating Womanhood, a how-to-be-a-submissive-housewife guide thatβs sold more than two million copies. According to Andelin, a womanβs chief goal is making her husband happy by cooking, cleaning, childrearing and looking pretty. She writes:
We must stop doing the masculine things and become the gentle, tender dependent women we were designed to be, women who need masculine care and protection. When we do, men will delight in offering their chivalry.
Gentle? Tender? Dependent? Snort. But since all of Pleasantville wouldβve heartily approved, I decided to give it a whirl. I had nothing to lose, after all, except my dignity.
βOh dear,β I sighed the next day shortly after Iβd read a few chapters. I crumpled delicately to the floor.
βWhatβs wrong?β Hubs asked, standing over me. βAre you dizzy?β
βNo, no,β I said quickly. βI wanted to get some heavy boxes out of the attic, but I just feel soβ¦ frail. So…. Dependent.β
Hubs laughed, but then a strange look came over his face. βIβll bring those boxes down,β he said manfully. βDonβt you worry about it.β As he tromped up the stairs, I stared at the ceiling, dazed. That was not the reaction I had expected. Still, Iβd made a commitment. I kept reading.
For a woman, a failure in the house is a failure in life. Even though you fail only in one area, such as homemaking, you are somewhat of a failure.
I looked up from my book at the kitchen around me. Potato chip crumbs littered the floor. A ginormous coffee stain mocked me from the countertop. The cobwebs in the corner seemed to spell out L-A-Z-Y S-L-U-T in their dusty silk.
Obviously, if I was going to be a Fascinating Woman, it was time to June Cleaverize the place. Over the next few days, I cleaned the entire house, only to realize dismally that if I were truly going to become a domestic goddess, Iβd have to spend most of my free time scrubbing. BO-RING.
βThe place looks great!β Hubs said enthusiastically when he got home from work. βHoney, you are doing a terrific job! And wow,β he said, noticing my hair and makeup (page 250), βyou look really pretty!β
I had to dig my book out of the kitchen trashcan to read the next chapter a few days later.
When a very feminine woman feels close to the man she adores, she sometimes coos and purrs.
I waited until Hubs was almost asleep before gently whispering in his ear.
βCoo.β
βWHA?!β Hubs jumped. βWhat the heck!β
βSorry. Let me try again,β I begged. I put my mouth to his ear again.
βPurrrrr. Purrrrrrrrr.β
βAre you out of your mind?!β
βI just feel close to you!β I demurred. βDonβt you love it?β
βIβd love for you to scratch my back,β he replied. βSince youβre feeling close to me.β
I frowned in the dark and started scratching.
Learn childlike mannerisms by studying the antics of little girls. Stomp your foot, lift your chin high, square your shoulders, pout, put both hands on your hipsβ¦ Exaggerate his treatment of you by saying, for example: βHow can a great, big man like you pick on a poor, helpless little girl like me?β
βWhere were you?β Hubs demanded as I hopped in the car to head to one of the girlsβ soccer games. βIβve been waiting out here for five minutes!β
βI had to change shirts!β
βYou were trying to make us late, werenβt you?β
The old me wouldβve said, βShut the hell up!β But times had changed.
βOh, you brute!β I said haltingly, tossing my hair. βHow dare a big bear like you pick on a poor little girl like me!β I tried my best to pout before glancing over at him. Damn. He was laughing. Just as the book had predicted.
βI love you,β Hubs said tenderly, touching my knee. βIβm sorry.β
By the end of the week, instead of begging for his real wife back, Hubs was practically dancing a jig when he arrived home each day. And why not? I had replaced myself with a Stepford fembot. What was I thinking?!
I know what Iβm thinking now, anyway. I am totally screwed.
>That’s hysterical!
>Hey maybe some men go for that kind of woman, but fortunately I think the majority want a hot woman WITH a brain. Her views are actually kind of offensive to men. I mean, how insecure would you have to be to want someone so submissive?
>OMG! Please tell this book was published in the 50’s.
>It was updated in 1992. This woman’s still kicking around. She has her own website and offers online classes in becoming a Fascinating Woman. If anyone’s interested… π
>This is the problem, of course your husband would love that. Mine would too. It’s ME who’d want to hang myself from a tree.
>A woman who believed in this book was on Wfie Swap I think… or one of those shows. It was kind of scary, I think that for some people they want to live that kind of life – but it’s so extreme!!
>Actually, I’ve thought about it a bit more. What’s happening is really behavior modification. She’s making a lot of money using inflamatory words to get a happy marriage. Perhaps a better way is Amy Sutherland’s way: she’s is the author of “Kicked, Bitten and Scratched: Life and Lessons at the Premier School for Exotic Animal Trainers” and she used the techniques of animal training on her husband and changed herself in the process, too.And no one had to be submissive.
>That is hysterical my hubby would hate it we are both dominant personalities and we get along just fine. I love that he treats me as an equal and helps with everything from house work to the kids. I was married for 15 yrs to a controlling asshole who wanted one of these Fascinating Stepford Wifebots… no thank you. If my hubby wants a submissive we will go to a BDSM convention and get us one. LOL
>My husband was raised by one of those 50’s fembots.It’s his greatest sadness that he married me. A strong, independent, intelligent woman. Who can squish her own damn spiders and pack her own boxes.But he can’t be too upset since he hasn’t left just yet. (A side note, neither of his sisters turned into back-bending mindless twits who live for servitude. They too, are strong women. And they don’t think highly of mommy’s attitude towards men. Hmm…)Sad, that 2 million women payed money for this drivel.Love the article!
>oh lord lol. I have one of those men who would love it….. I too have tried to do this for a couple days right after I read the submissive wife book or something like that. The thing is once he knew I could act like that he wanted me to stay like that, but my realness just wouldnt llow me to do it after a few days you see the logic is flawed. I mean if we behaved this way would we get treated diffrently would we suddenly get treated like the delicate flowers we are? Would we get gifts, romance or even a back rub? UMMMM NOOOO….. The messed up thing is we women do this to ourselves do you see a book like how to be a submissive husband or how to treat your woman like the queen she is selling millions of copies? No and dont hold your breathe!!!! Guys would never by it and we shouldnt either but some women are willing to do anything to keep their man…. I sympathize with you lucinda having a hubby who likes back scratching I swear when I am tired and my head hits the pillow thats what I hear scratch me, not even a please. Now I say after you rub my feet which he is rarley willing to do. He is due home in about a half hour and now I am rilled up after reading this…poor guy!
>Holy crap! I wonder if that would work on my man. I have a feeling he would look at me like I was out of my mind if I did most of that.I must tell, though, of someting that happened while we were with friends last Monday. Daniel and I got together with a girlfriend of mine. We went to her grandparents’ house (where she is currently living) to make dinner. The grandmother wouldn’t allow Daniel to help in the kitchen. She insisted that he sit in the living room and visit with she and her husband while Keema and I cooked dinner.At the supper table, she insisted that Daniel say the blessing, because, “He is a man, after all.”These woman do exist.
>The old bitch is laughing all the way to the bank. I say we take her out and beat the snot out of her until she recants. My husband would probably think I’d had a stroke.
>I’m willing to bet that the people buying this book lately are buying it as a joke.
>1) I totally got my pink Dyson using this method (which has arrived by the way). Scary, but true.2) I think this method worked because I think just about ANY “marriage improvement” book would work. If you’re spending time things to make your spouse happy, you’re going to, well, make your spouse happy! At least temporarily. I just wish I’d realized this BEFORE I tried the book. Because now my husband’s all, “I liked you back when you were reading that book!” (which he didn’t find out about, by the way, until he read the column yesterday). He’s kidding, but still… Grrrr.
>They have a pink Dyson?That was a great read.Don’t think I’ll be trying it, though.
>Ha.My husband:Came running in one day screaming ‘get it off GET IT OFF aaahhh IT”S ON MY BACK is it in my SHIRT take it off aahhhh did you get it did you kill it?What is it?A spider… he’s deathly afraid… once, after I told him poisonous spiders aren’t a problem in the great Northwest, he went online and found some that were, then showed me pictures of what spiders do…’Oh honey, can’t get those heavy boxes, too frail..argh…”What do you want them for?”stuff.”can’t be that important if they are in the attic, just leave em.’LOLit would not work on my husband. He’d just think I was nuts. And if I cleaned he’d only sigh, reclean, and complain that I’m a sucky cleaner π
>Give me a break! That is too funny!
>The ideas at the core of this book actually work pretty well. If you wipe away all of the extraneous stuff (for instance, I can’t imagine copying the body language of little girls, ick) the basic premises work great. They area) treat your husband nicely. Speak nicely, don’t yell. Do nice things for him, to make him feel special. b) Make him feel needed.c) if you do these things, he will be a lot nicer and do more stuff for you. Think about it. If your husband did a and b for you, wouldn’t you be nicer and do more stuff for him?
>Laughing and cringing at the same time.
>The helpless girly thing won’t work with my husband, he is too lazy!Two words – sexual favours – always works for me!!!
>Mom was no fembot, that’s for sure. She wokked weenies once! (wealy wong, to continue the alliteration)I don’t know who would crack first, Wife or I. Wife is a lovely, independent woman who works hard here, and would much rather be about peaople than crap like housework.I would most likely laugh aloud. After a day or two. I guess. Perhaps. But I’d like to see how long I could last!
>βAre you out of your mind?β LOVE that reaction! You know…my boyfriend is actually the scardy cat when it comes to spiders. He makes ME squash them…I wonder what Helen would think if I made him be the “wife” and purr in my ear….I don’t think he could tolerate another dependant woman…his ex’s were the way Helen describes and he started dating me because of how independant I am. Some men just hate clingy/needy…
>Gloria Steinem must be having a heart attack knowing that this book exists. And that’s nothing new for the majority of the Asian countries out there where women are pretty much that…submissive, cleaner, cook, child rearing fembot.
>I’m sure it would work. Who wouldn’t want someone to jump to their every need? Assuming, of course, a person could get past the “This is a bit creepy” part. But how long, really, could someone keep this up? Me? About 10 minutes. π
>That’s freaking awesome! I think I might try it π
>I think I just threw up a little in my mouth.~Mrs X
>Ok, read the column and am DYING! I think if I tried that Mr X would think I’d been drinking. And he’d probably be right.~Mrs X
>Fascinating. Absolutley fascinating. If by ‘fascinating’ you mean retarded.Funny, though.
>you’re not screwed. chalk it up to pregger hormones.
>The part about learning mannerisms from little girls hit a tender spot with me. My ex’s mom pulled that crap on my ex and his brother all the time. She tried it on me once too, and it was all I could do not to shake her and scream at her to quit being creepy.I think the dreams about slapping her until her head did a Linda Blair started that night…
>oh man…. I don’t know which is funnier — you or that damn book!!
>It’s not funny. I started out in that culture, I lived by these principles. I “submitted”.It got me disregarded – because I wasn’t allowed to disagree, my opinions didn’t have to be taken into account.It got me lonely – he was free to come and go at will; I stayed home with the kids 24/7.It got me cheated on – and NOT because he wasn’t getting it at home! Perhaps I was *too* enthusiastic, and he needed someone girlish and trembling, I don’t know.It got me beaten – because he was the boss and I was the underling, his tempers could be taken out on me.I divorced him, of course – but I waited FOURTEEN YEARS, because I really believed that if I tried hard enough, if I kept giving him the one more thing and the next thing, if I prayed hard enough, didn’t burden him – that he would come round.BULL.SHIT.I am now happily remarried to a man who would find one of those “fascinating” women completely revolting. Helen Andelin can go fuck herself.
>I can’t imagine what that “Fascinating Woman” would be like in bed.
>Please tell me you made that up! Your husband really reacted that way? Neither one of us could have kept up the act for that long. Well I wouldn’t even get through the book, but thanks for the laugh!
>This woman is a nutjob.I love the fact that I am the face of the devil to her!I AM middle management. And I work in construction.
>Sorry that taking Helen Andelin’s tips didn’t work out for you. Why don’t you put the boot on the other foot and have your hubby following her tips for a week? What with him cooing and purring and stomping his feet like a little girl, it’s sure to be amusing, if nothing else.
>Well, I didn’t realize that we women were so weak we were unable be exeutives without getting faint. And here I thought it said “Executive Director” on my business cards. Silly me. Teehee.
>Quick! Over here! Grab my hand!- hold on!- I’ll keep you from going over to the dark side!!Your column is wonderful Lucinda ! I love it! My jim, he would just think that I had been drinking or on “happy drugs”YOU GOT THE PINK ONE!damn;)!
>HA HA HA HA HA! being the submissive 1950s wife doesn’t sound very ‘fascinating’ to me!
>I have a book just like this, called The Perfect Woman. It was written in 1908.
>I’m still trying to figure out what is so “fasinating” about a woman who, in order to fit this template, would have to have had a Total Fascinectomy.
>Brilliant!
>ROFLMAO! I’ll have to look in on your Scene article in a minute, but just had to respond with a hearty Bwahahahahaha here! If I were to adopt even one of this woman’s suggestions I honestly think my husband would (first) be scared to death – wondering who the Hell I was and what had I done with his wife, and (second) would be rushing me to the emergency room at the local insane asylum!
>Would my wife divorce me if I got her a copy for our anniversary and highlighted the important passages?
>You know, I think I might write a book called Fascinating Manhood. He must cook, clean, and coo in my ear every day. That would make me happy.
>Back again just to add: I want to BE you when I grow up. But I’m older than you, so I’ll have to HURRY. I just now finished working through all the inter-related stories and letter-writing…is that TV station blog from the station you worked for, by any chance? And they quoted ME! And I had to look up the word “screed” to see if they were complimenting or mocking me. Hee. ;-)Also, I would REALLY love to find a copy of that book, but I die inside at the thought of adding any money to the coffers of anyone involved. SO if anyone has one that is tainting their household and would like to get rid of it, drop me a line, please.
>well i’ve read that book, and a lot of it is crazy, but i think there is some truth to it. and it does shout that it was first published in ’63. sometimes boys need that kind of attention, not all the time and not the way she describes, but i know my man does and apparently so does yours.i agree with what bunchkin said… “The ideas at the core of this book actually work pretty well. If you wipe away all of the extraneous stuff…a) treat your husband nicely. Speak nicely, don’t yell. Do nice things for him, to make him feel special. b) Make him feel needed.c) if you do these things, he will be a lot nicer and do more stuff for you. Think about it. If your husband did a and b for you, wouldn’t you be nicer and do more stuff for him?” thats what i got out of the book, bec nice to my husband. seems kinda like common sense but sometimes you just dont think about it when he’s being stupid. regardless i think it does have *some* value. but i’m glad my copy was free (a gift actually)
>I save this kind of behavior for when I really, really want something, otherwise my husband can take off his own damn shoes. It’s pathetic, but my DH, like so many out there, is so gullible to the cooing crap. But it’s not the real me, it’s the manipulative me that uses these tactics.
>A friend showed me a book she’d found called “Always Ask A Man” by Arlene Dahl. It was quite similar to the one you’re talking about, and we sat and laughed our asses off reading excerpts from it. This was long ago. It too extolled the virtues of making the man in your life (presumably your lawfully wedded husband, or prospect) feel terribly fascinating and important with your every calculated move, right down to asking him his opinion on vital matters. It was hilarious but sad at the same time.
>MAn I’m internetless for four days and I miss out on a really fun discussion. My husband once warned me that he married me because he knew he needed a strong woman, because weak, clingy and manipulative women drive him nuts. When I do start acting anything like that, her becomes, cold, sullen distant, and I can see him clinbing the walls. Sometimes I wish he would respond to me lying on the floor acting dependant.
>Loved the article!
>Wow, my wife is reading this book and I haven’t seen anything like this happen! She hates bugs though so I do squish some for her (although she just stepped on her own cockroach).Does anyone out there know of a book that can’t be laughed at but does help women understand what men like or is it just a natural understanding of all women?I think there is a book for men by the same author. I’ve just started searching for it! *Shock – horror!!* Can you imagine a wife trying to modify her behaviour for her husband and a husband trying to improve his for the sake of his wife?! That sounds like a marriage! How rediculous!
>Stuart, Stuart, Stuart. You poor, deluded excuse for a man. You should probably read the book before you try to defend it.