>Ogle my Google
>You didn’t think I’d let February pass by without my monthly advice column, did you? Oh no. There are way to many Googlers out there in need of my help. Therefore, once again, I am honored to present…
Lucinda’s Advice Column
Good Advice for Bad Googlers
Sasha Cohen hot- Jackson, MS
Figure skating boobs- Houston, TX
These two searches illustrate the clear differences between a man and a woman.
As women watched the women’s figure skating championships Tuesday night, their thoughts ran along the lines of, “What a great triple toe loop!” “Sasha’s red lipstick looks fabulous. I wonder if she uses M.A.C?” and “What possessed Irina Slutskaya to go the Slim Goodbody route with that outfit?”
Meanwhile, their husbands were thinking, “Mmmgh. Sasha Cohen. Hot,” and “Figure skating. Boobs. Rgggh.”
Glad you figured out how to work that keyboard in pursuit of your ice slut sex dreams, dudes.
Mature mom’s sexiest fantasies- Fairbanks, AL
Lucinda arrived home from a long day of carpooling to find her husband upstairs with a bottle of champagne and a bowl of chocolate dipped strawberries. Behind him, a warm bubble bath was drawn. Rose petals were strewn across the water.
“Hop in, toots,” he said seductively. Lucinda smiled. She could only imagine what was coming next.
As she undressed and settled into the water, her husband pulled a toilet brush from the closet and began scrubbing the inside of the commode.
The sound of someone else doing housework was music to her ears. Ahhhh, I’m in heaven, she thought, closing her eyes…
Peeing stall site-Carrollton, TX
Yup, maw, it’s time fer some indoor plumbin’. I’m shore tarred of that ole outhouse. I got me more butt splinters than huntin’ coons. I think I’m gonna get on this yere puter and look fer some instructions on buildin’ one o’ them peeing stalls. Yep’m, that’s whut I need. A peeing stall site.
How snake making a babies- Malaysia
Firsting, the snake she is find a he snake with which to make couple. The snakes they are form one snake for little time. Yes. Then is the female snake make the eggs. Hatching, the eggs are making snake babies! Any more questions you ask?
Young perky A-cup pubic hair picture- Gig Harbor, WA
Forget the other stuff. I just wanna know who’s going around telling people I have an A-cup. I’ll kill ya! I’ll kill ya!
How to hide a voice recorder in a car- San Francisco, CA
Okay. This one’s easy. Radio Shack carries voice activated tape recorders, so the easiest thing to do is just hide it underneath the seat and hit record. A little duct tape would help it not slide out. Not that I know anything about this. I’m just sayin’.
Dog leggings- Seattle, WA
It is actually not that surprising to me that this searcher hails from Seattle. The question is, why are you here?
My husband uses prostitutes- Brisbane, Australia
God. That sucks. I guess you have a hard time figuring out what he really means when he says he’s gonna be in the bush for a while. Did I just say that? Oi, oi, oi.
Sew your own adult diapers- Little Rock, Arkansas
I’m really at a loss for words with this one. I’m not very crafty, but Susie Sunshine just might have a vintage adult diaper pattern you could borrow…
*Editors Note: I am in no way saying that the young and beautiful and fully bladder-competent Susie Sunshine might actually be in need of adult diapers herself. I am just saying she’s a sewer. With patterns. That’s all.
>First I’m just glad to be one of the first to comment LOL..It’s my turn cause I refresh you enough. :0)I wish my husband would clean the toilet, that my friend is TRUE romance.LMAO at the “my husband uses prostitutes”Um, my husbands NOT allowed to watch Ice skating…
>How in the heck did the baby-snake-making one make it to your site? Google is so weird sometimes. (These are great, though!)
>Sasha was so awesome the other night! Toilet cleaning does qualify as foreplay in my house. So does mopping, doing the dishes and picking up dog poo out of the yard. Turn me ON, baby!
>it’s one thing to have sex with a prostitute from time to time….but to — USE them too? I thought only pimps could get away with that shit. 🙂
>First of all, that Brisbane woman isn’t me. Let’s clear that up right now. 🙂 How it god’s name did that google search end up here?? I am so confused…
>Now, why would someone googling sew your own adult diapers find you? Any googling including the word “PUBE”, in any variation, I can understand…but, this prositute, dog leggings, and adult diapers makes me think I need to read your archives! 😉
>One of my fondest memories is an ice show when Katarina Witt in a red catsuit skated no more than 10 feet away from me. Rowwwr! These current crop of skaters makes me feel like a pedophile.But that Johnny Weir sure is scrumptious.I am also the number two Yahoo search answer for “cute baby pictures”. I now hate babies.
>After my last post, I’m thinking that adult diaper search should of been mine.How cute is that photo below.And I’m still trying to rid my brain of the image of the hair on the lipgloss.LOLOh and Sasha Cohen is beautiful…love her skating…but her personality leaves me a little cold.Okay, I just miss Kwan. Sue me.
>Oh. My. I think I’m dying. You crack my shit up. Although, I liked what’s-her-name-slutvinski’s outfit. I thought it was cool that she was brave enough to wear it. As for the adult diapers… I don’t wanna know. Really. I don’t.
>Ohhh I hope you are watching the ice skating because I know something about the little Diva named Sasha and I think you are going to LOVE LOVE LOVE it.The snake babies made me snort. LOL
>Okay, I admit, I started the A cup rumor. I was needing some moral support. Don’t you want to be a member of the Itty Bitty Titty Club?
>Honestly, I’m not scheudenfreuding right now. I just watched Sasha and ohhhhh… wanted to cry. Oh well. I’m sure I’ll be back to bitchiness in the morning. 😉
>Oh lucinda- your the best.and Baby looks pretty stinking cute down below there…she’s a doll face!Have a nice weekend
>You are so damn funny! I love the mature mom’s sexiest fantasies…so true. If husbands only knew that the guaranteed ticket to get laid was through Scrubbin Bubbles. And the A-cup rumour…how dare they!
>Well I really didn’t want to be anonymous. Ooops
>I love looking at what the freaks are searching for. Your baby is a total doll face btw.
>I am CRACKING up. Some of these people have some real life dilemmas, huh? That is hysterical! I love the commentary on the “peeing stall” and “How snake making a babies”. ROFLI have to tell you – I said in my blog one day that the only hair styles I could come up with for my haircut 2 weeks ago was Lisa Rinna. (I settled for a short Martina McBride ‘do). Anyway – I keep getting Google hits for Lisa Rinna and “Lisa Rinna – high school hair”. Huh? LOL
>LOL!i know who started the a-cup rumour but am sworn to secrecy. fine. i’ll tell you. it was lisa rhinna. but don’t tell her i told.your advice is great. where do you see the searches people to do to get to your site? how does that work?
>So, cleaning a toilet is sexy huh? God, I’ve got sooo much to learn…
>Ahem, we have flushing toilets in Texas, thank-you-very-much. I didn’t think figure skaters had boobs? And LOL on the mature mom’s fantasy! Just what every woman dreams of! A man that will do housework!
>Someone is DEAD TO ME (after I beat throughly beat her whippersnappery ass)
>But Susie, dear, you are the resident sewer… 😉
>We all know you have a rack like Dolly when you wear that special T shirt. There is no way you have A’s under there!! (right?? If so..send me the name of that tshirt place again, pronto…I need some boobies!!)
>These always crack me up. And, Slim Goodbody? Hahahaha…that’s the perfect way to describe that outfit.
>OMG. I…can’t…stop…laughing…can’t…catch…breath. Hysterical. Gawd, what a good way to start a Friday.
>I’m laughing so hard.. my kids think I am nuts.. oh wait.. they already thought that, so I cannot blame it on this post. Awesome advice. 🙂
>You should write a book. You are too funny for just the web!
>You are too funny. All of these are hilarious.(but, that’s why we love you! : )
>Oh my, someone just made it to my site with the serach terms “physical exam pics of doctors getting it done pics”I feel dirty…