>So bloggable
>It was night time. Hubs and I were in bed. Alone. He made his move.
“Let me get a look at those Grand Tetons.” He fumbled clumsily with the covers.
I sighed noisily, but decided to forgive his not-so-sexiness. Until.
“Islands in the stream…” he sang softly.
“GET OFF!” I shouted.
“What? What’s wrong?” Hubs sounded surprised. “You make wisecracks in bed, too. You wrote about it.”
“Yeah, and you’ll notice I stopped immediately afterward. I realized how stupid it sounded.”
“Well, I only started doing it after you blogged it.”
I started to protest, then stopped short as the realization hit me. Oh God.
Hubs was auditioning for my blog again.
The last few months, I’ve noticed Hubs’s one-liners have been multiplying like roaches in a frat house. He’s a funny guy, don’t get me wrong, but lately, well, it’s a little. Much.
“Arshnoddle,” he proclaimed as I was making dinner the other night.
“What?”
“Arshnoddle,” he repeated proudly, waiting for me to take the bait.
After a long pause, I gave in. “What’s arshnoddle?”
“It’s the German word for the dried poo that gets caught in butt hairs.” He grinned. “Can you believe the Germans have a word for that?”
Silence.
“Now you can blog about it.”
More silence.
And when he’s not trying to create blog fodder, he’s doling out advice about possible upcoming posts.
“You know that time when you were chasing the girls with the exercise ball and you ran into the wall with it and bounced off and hit the other wall and fell and cried for an hour?”
“How could I forget? It hurt like a mutha.”
“That was really funny. You should blog about it.”
Okay. Will do.
I guess I’d be the same way if the roles were reversed. There’s something very flattering about figuring into someone else’s writing, particularly if it’s read by people other than your grandma. I know if I met Christina for lunch one day, I’d be tempted to behave like a young starlet out with Steven Spielberg. Would my fashion sense inspire her to blog about me? My witty repartee? Would she draw a picture of my hands and post it? Oh please Christina. Please please please blog about me! For the love of God!
But as the writer, it can be overwhelming. I feel lucky that only my husband and a few friends from high school and college (all comfortably out of town) know about my blog. For those of you whose family, friends and next-door neighbors all read your posts every day, it’s got to be sheer torture. I would imagine that everyone has an idea of what you should (or shouldn’t) be writing about, and how you should (or shouldn’t) be writing it.
The mere thought of that is enough to kill any impulse to use my full name or post pictures of anyone except the baby. I’ve got enough arshnoddle to deal with as it is.
>I had to change the location of my whole blog once because of my careless mention of it to the principal of my kids’ school. “What’s the address?” she inquired. “Uhhhhhhh” I think was my reply. I can understand how you feel. For the most part though my blog is pretty open to the people I know…most of them just don’t read it. ha! 🙂
>Next time tell him to get his own damn blog! My friends know about my blog. My sister does. My mom’s seen it. And I tend not to write about when I feel like strangling my entire household because they’re driving me crazy, so it keeps the peace OK.
>I purposely don’t ask for input – from ANYBODY. You know what they say about opinions. The only input I got from my wife was one time when I wrote an unflattering comparisonof women who wear crop-tops and the dough that oozes out of a tube of Pillsbury Poppin Fresh rolls when you crack it open.She didn’t think that was funny.
>Yep..it’s definitely arshnoddle 😉 Great idea you and MommaK have going on the perfect post thing. My co-workers read mine, so I have to be REALLY careful not to vent about work!
>LOL um, ashnoodle?! wow, your hubby is trying hard to get you some “info” to blog about. LOL.My husband could care less, unles the post is about him and than he gets mad if it’s not perfect, like apparently he is. Whatevah.I’ll let you in on a secret. I haven’t told ANYONE except for a fellow friend and blogger that I have a blog. I don’t want any “help” or judgement from them. I think it’s cute that your hubby is so into your blog. Of course I don’t have to live with it. (It’s still kinda sweet and pretty funny.)~grin~
>wait a tick…poo can get stuck in butt hair??? what??i think i’ve just been scarred for life…
>This is so funny, we call it dingleberries. My husband does the same thing. He’s always giving me material(he thinks) and commenting. I even created a blog for him but does he use it, no way. I’m not done reading all your posts, but I can tell already I’ll enjoy them. Great Job.
>That’s too funny. My husband is the opposite…he’ll get this gray look to his face, color washing away and smile dropping…”Oh, my GOD… you are going to BLOG about this AREN’T YOU?” hehehe…it’s a nice form of torture after 15 years of marriage.
>LMAO. My husband does this too. He’ll let a painfully long fart go and then look up and say, “You gonna blog about that?”Um. Lemmie think…..NO.
>No one I am related to by blood knows about my journal except my oldest daughter. The only person I am related to by marriage that knows is my husband. I like it that way.Mama_Tulip? In a way you sort of just did. LOL
>German is an ugly enough language without bringing butt hairs into the mix.Now go post a photo of Baby again so I can get that image out my mind. That’s a scheule, I think. Butt Hairs, and then BaBy.
>LOL Angie, I guess maybe I did. But don’t tell him, okay?
>I agree with Maryanne. Dingleberries is the correct technical term. I’m the opposite. I’m always testing my material with my wife before I use it. Or i find myself quoting my blog without creditiing it. Someday someone will catch on.
>Cranky Boss Lady is so hungry for attention (even anonymous and not entirely flattering attention) that she asks me if I’ve blogged about this or that thing she said and she doesn’t even have internet access and has never even seen my blog. She does know that I call her Cranky Boss Lady, but she also knows she’s such a raving lunatic bitch that Cranky Boss Lady is really taking it way too easy on her.And, thank Hubs for the language lesson. I took German in high school, but I must’ve been home (thoroughly wiping my ass) during that unit.
>Yeah, I kinda regret my whole family knows where to find my blog sometimes; usually when I’m ready to disown the whole lot of them, because I know anything I may say while ranting about them will come back to bite me.Kinda puts a cramp in one’s style.
>Dingleberry is indeed the American term for arshnoddle. Bravo, scholars.Although I’m not entirely convinced Hubs didn’t make that up for blog time, since I couldn’t find it in any dictionary…
>Hey – Seems to me that Hubs knows just enough German to get himself into trouble! HA!My husband is always trying to point out bloggable moments, too. He’s still on me about the time the Girl and his mother locked themselves IN the car.
>Everyone in my family knows about my blog, and since my 12-yr-old niece LOVES to read it, I have to watch everything I say. I have to save the “F-word” for my dog.I LOVE it that your hubby has been auditioning for your blog. That is really the funniest thing I’ve heard in a while!
>My husband is the only one NOT reading my blog; he likens it to listening in while I talk to my girlfriends on the telephone. Which I suppose it is. And it works well for me, because then when he comes home I still have things to tell him, unlike when I talk to my mother-in-law on the phone and she says, ‘Yes, I know, I read about it on your blog.’ Oh well.And yes! Pictures of Baby, please!
>You must be channeling my life. My husband has begun ending all his stories with “are you gonna write that down somewhere?” And just this morning my father has begun to CC all his friends golf jokes to me so that “maybe I could work them into my blog”. Arrgh.
>THis is exactly why I didn’t publicize our blog to the family. But, as I recently wrote, my mom apparently found it…she hasn’t said anything to met yet, which I find, well, interesting, since the post she found was about her.
>Your mom found your blog? Horrors! Horrors! I live in terror that my mom will find my blog, particularly since the word is out in her town…But then again, maybe the ensuing fireworks would give me something really compelling to write about. Oh god. I’m awful.
>Doesn’t bother me that my mother and other family members read my blog. They live too far away to really piss me off and therefore rant about them on my blog. Hubby – aka the Hermit – knows about it and claims to read it, but I know he doesn’t. He’d be grumpy with me much more frequently if he did. The only one I live in fear of learning about my blog is my m-i-l; she’s so incredibly proper and I don’t think she’d handle the occassional language or, more importantly, my pics of half-nekkid men. I would loose my “sweet” d-i-l badge.
>Sounds like hubs needs his own blog! LOL
>I think my husband my be reading your blog too. The other night he said the term “hoo-ha” – and we have never called it that. I wanted so badly to ask him “Have you been reading Lucinda’s blog?” but then I figured it would be better if I didn’t know. So look out for his IP – okay? If he starts up with the German, I’ll know for sure 😉
>i told my mom about my blog. she reads it. her boss reads it. her friends read it. my feelings are that anyone english speaking is free to read it. i just don’t want the italians (and that includes my in-laws, ESPECIALLY my in-laws) finding out what i write about them.
>Your post is so funny! My sweetie and I make up goofy words and names too – quite nauseating I know ;-)Thanks for the Perfect Post award!
>Oh no, MommaK! I don’t want to become The Other Blog Woman! I’ll keep an eye out. ;)Oh if only my mother spoke no English… I think that would solve a lot of problems. Hee. I haven’t had much to write about her lately though, because she’s been very good.
>No worries about my parents finding it. Busy Dad knows, but, doesn’t care. I’ve only told two friends about it on purpose, and, I don’t think they read. However, Google outted me to the wife of an ex-boyfriend. While I was sitting there. In their house. Having just posted about my visit there. I now own the world’s land speed record for editing things while keeping up a distracting conversation.
>Mine was sharing my blog w/ people (including his boss!!) at work.Guh-reat. Let me write about you playing hooky, honey.
>my kids all read my blog and my niece but other than that, i don’t know anyone else who even has a blog. my husband knows i have a blog but has no interest in it. i say ask you husband to do a guest post, put the pressure on him to write something and you can give him all sorts of suggestions.
>That’s funny, Honey usually whines if he makes the hit parade on the blog, like the time he said that really awful-sounding thing to the dog.Reminds me–it’s time to mention it to him again…
>My husband and a few close friends are the ones I DO NOT tell about my blog!Otherwise I’d have to hear, “Why did you say this?” and “Who did you tell about that?”
>Auditioning for the blog. Oh. My. Gawd. Now that you say that, I think mine might be doing the same thing!!! AHAHA I never thought about it like that before. He refers to my blog as his life in ridicule. LOL
>Everyone I know reads mine. Thank God fiance has never auditioned. Oh god. He rarely reads it and the only mention of it I hear is “you’re funny”. Thank God. Islands in the Stream, that is classic.
>The other day I was babbling on about something that my hubby thought was TMI… something about personal hygiene. Hubby cringed and announced “I don’t care! Put it in the blog!” Sheesh. Thanks for the support! At least your hubby is into it!!And I hang my head as I say that I didn’t know either the German or American words for that… I need to hang with peeps in the know.
>Joe totally does this. Something will happen that has us laughing, and he’s all “You are gonna blog that, right?”. If I delay my answer he sighs and says “Well fine, I will then” (He has an LJ account) But he’s always dissapointe dif I don’t want to.Maybe you should get your hubs to make his own blog?
>Grand Tetons? lololol…Sorry, new interloper here courtesy of Cynical Dad. You hubs sounds pretty funny!
>My husbands new line in bed? Let me give you something to blog about. Yeah, let me blog about that cuz you know, your mom reads this stuff.I am SOOOOO happy I stumbled onto your blog. I’m linking immediately!