I'm Lindsay Ferrier, a Nashville wife and mother with a passion for family travel, (mostly) healthy cooking, exploring Tennessee, and raising kids without losing my mind in the process. This is where I share my discoveries with you, along with occasional deep thoughts, pop culture tangents and a sprinkling of snark.
January 14, 2016
One thing you quickly learn as a parent is that the extraordinary, all-encompassing love you feel for your children can potentially turn you into an obsessive and extremely annoying human being.
Fortunately, my procreating friends, I’ve got some good news. We’re not the only ones.
As a friend with ‘fur babies’ reminded me yesterday, dog owners can be every bit as irritating. Need proof?
OF COURSE YOU DO. That’s why I present to you now:
The seven habits of highly annoying dog owners:
1. Your dog doesn’t need a leash.
Most public parks and greenways require dog owners to keep their pets on a leash. And, happily, most dog owners comply. But there’s always that one person on the trail/path/sidewalk who thinks his dog doesn’t need a leash.
I can’t even count the number of times we’ve been out riding bikes on the greenway when a leashless dog has walked right out in front of us and just stood there. It’s accident waiting to happen. (Actually, it’s an accident I’m sure has already happened, many, many times.)
Look, dude, I’m sure your dog is so very speshul, but if you’re going out and about, do yourself, your dog, and everyone else around you a favor and PUT HIM ON A LEASH. GAH.
2. You let your dog poop in other people’s yards and don’t pick it up.
I have a good friend who’s selling her house right now and has everything in and around her home in tip-top condition– except for the fact that a neighbor continually lets his dog poop in her yard. At one point, she caught the dog in the act and angrily confronted the owner as he stood and watched. His response? “Why, my dog’s poop is so tiny, it doesn’t even matter!”
Oh yeah? Tell that to the neighbor who just tracked your dog’s ‘tiny’ poop into their house and across their new carpet, dude.
Take my advice: CLEAN THAT SH*T UP.
3. You merely say, “Don’t worry! He’s friendly!” when your gigantic dog jumps on/nips at others.
We’ve all been there, right? You go to someone’s home, they open their front door, and their gigantic dog lunges at you, barking loud enough to wake the dead. As you grapple both with the dog and your urges to scream/run/wet your pants, the dog’s owner merely laughs indulgently and assures you that, “He’s friendly!” And then your face gets bitten off.
That’s the rest of that story.
4. You sneak your dog into shops and restaurants.
I know, I know. Unlike other dogs, yours is too precious (not to mention expensive) to abide by stupid pet rules– and so you sneak him in with you every chance you get, smiling smugly when others happen to notice its tiny head peeking out of your designer bag.
Begone, witch. And your little dog, too.
5. You let your dog bully the other dogs at the dog park.
Oh, you know who you are. The moment you let your big dog loose at the dog park, he’s aggressively chasing off the medium-sized dogs and snarling and snapping at the smaller ones until they whimper in terror and hide behind the nearest plastic fire hydrant. When others ask you to control your dog, you snottily inform them that the dog park is for everyone, and if they have a problem, then they should leave.
And then you wonder why the place always empties out within 15 minutes of you and your dog’s arrival.
6. You pretend not to notice when your dog sniffs at people’s crotches or humps their leg.
Trust me, it’s far less awkward to pull your offending dog away than to let him sniff/hump your guest for the next ten minutes while you attempt to make small talk. I mean, really. Has your dog no shame?
7. You post tons of pictures of your dog on Facebook/Instagram.
I’m a little more forgiving of this one, because we parents have a problem with this too. Look, no one minds occasional pictures of your dog. If, on the other hand, you’re posting several pictures/videos each day of Mr. Puddles playing with a squeak toy, Mr. Puddles wearing his favorite sweater, Mr. Puddles eating grass, etc, do us all a favor and…
DIAL IT BACK A NOTCH.
Of course, this list is hardly exhaustive — There are as many ways for dog owners to be annoying as there are stars in the sky. And that’s a good thing. Because sometimes, it makes us annoying parents a teeny, tiny bit less noticeable.
At least, that’s the theory I’m going with…