>The Little Merskank
>I’ve always had a soft spot for The Little Mermaid.
It came out in theaters when I was a freshman in high school and more than one person said the mermaid, Ariel, bore an uncanny resemblance to me. When you’re a dreamy 14-year-old girl, that’s just the kind of thing you want to hear. I bought the movie as soon as it came out on video, memorized all of the songs and dreamed of finding my own handsome Prince Eric.
Recently, I dusted off the movie and played it for Baby. Predictably, she loves it, and asks for a few minutes of Dah Nuhrmaid at least once a day. I admit I was pleased, imagining in the back of my mind that Baby saw Mommy in the mermaid, and that’s why she loved her so much.
Heh. I guess I still look like her after all, I told myself, grinning at Ariel’s fetching big eyes, her thick, long hair and her winning smile. She really was pretty, as far as cartoon characters go.
Eric had nicely withstood the ravages of time as well. He had a full head of hair, soulful blue eyes and a manly physique. Not bad… Not bad at all…
“Oh no, Mommy!” Baby yelped, pointing at the television. “Dada fall off boat!”
On the screen, Prince Eric swam around in the water as the seawitch prodded him with a supernatural pitchfork.
“You mean Prince Eric?” I asked Baby, smirking.
“No! Dada! Dada help nuhrmaid!”
“Is that Dada? I asked, pointing at Prince Eric.
“Yeah, Dada!”
“Is Dada saving Mommy from the seawitch?” I prodded.
“No! Dada save nuhrmaid! Dada help nuhrmaid! Not Mommy!”
Hmm. So Baby thought Dada had an eye on the mermaid, huh? I looked at Ariel disgustedly. That slutty little bitch. She was no better than Paris Hilton, wearing that seashell bikini top everyhere she went. I bet she had been with all the mermen and that’s why she wanted to be a human so badly.
Abruptly, I stopped the movie.
“Mommy!”
“Come on, Baby,” I said through gritted teeth. “Let’s put on Blue’s Clues.”
I’m going to put a stop to Hubs’s sordid mermaid fling once and for all. I only feel bad that Baby had to witness it.
The little slut.
>You did the right thing, Lucinda. She’ll have plenty of time to understand the competition those mermaids give us bi-peds.
>I was alway jealous of Ariel.
>not ariel! she doesn’t even know what a fork is!i had people liken me to ariel too. i KNEW that wearing seashell shirts would pay off SOMEday. i have red hair as well. and i wanted to be a mermaid. seemed like life would be a little easier underwater. but probably not, as ursula proves repeatedly thruout the film. where’s prince eric in my life? i’ve nearly drowned trying to save some of these fellows…
>my oldest loved that movie, i still have it on vhs but i don’t think my youngest has ever seen it. now, knowing what i know about that ho, i’ll make sure never to get a copy on dvd, can’t have that kind of filth in my house.
>And do you have pictures of said resemblance to Ariel? Not that I doubt you. But in my mind I looked just like David Cassidy when I was 14, and… well, like I said. In my mind.
>Ariel.My kids have never seen it yet.
>look on the bright side…she didn’t call you ursula or the horrid girl who tries to steal eric!
>I sang that “A Whole New World” Song in front of my entire high school. With a boy. Whom I totally crushed on. Then a beautiful mermaid came and stole him away. Whore.
>Now that’s just scary, Yellojkt. And I don’t even wanna know how you have that knowledge.Pictures, Harmonica Man? Stay tuned, because this week there are gonna be some changes around here.
>I am one of those “Disney Bad, TV Bad” wacko moms. I am a bit ashamed to say that I have NEVER seen the Little Mermaid. Is that wrong, or what?
>Do you remember when it first came out on VHS? If you have the old tapes you’ll see the part when the old guy is about to marry the witch and Eric, he’s wearing heart print boxers, as the witch walks up, he gets a little boner..it comes up, wiggles and then slinks away again. It was all the rage when that movie first came out – and totally worth the shameless giggle to fast forward to that part. There’s a similar shameless giggle moment on the Lion King videotape as well, if you have that 😉
>How do you guys know this stuff?!
>Um. Yeah. She even warns you in her little song”…wouldn’t you think I’m the girl, the girl who has everything? I’ve got gadjets and gizmos a plenty, I’ve got whoits and whatsits galore, you want thingamabobs, I got twenty, but who cares, no big deal, I WANT MORE!!!”Bitch.
>I hear she’s got crabs.
>I was jealous of the woman who provided the singing voice. I had strange jealousies. But I was totally into The Little Mermaid. Only Aladdin supplanted it in my heart and daily quotes. (At least in High School)
>She’s going to have to have a boob job after they have kids to keep wearing those skank tops. Personally, I like Belle. She’s a smart one.
>there is something irresistable about a woman with fins…she is the angelina jolie of the deep. shell-wrecker!
>Off with her tail!!!
>WEll, I never. i am disappointed in Ariel chasing after your man that way. And in front of your daughter?! SHOCKING. Off with her tail, or hair, INDEED. HMPFH!Can’t wait to see the changes coming around these here parts! 🙂
>I seem to recall a rumor that the top of the castle resembled a penis… I do have the movie, but not the time to verify at this moment. Also recall looking for sexual allusions in the clouds of The Lion King. Perverts at Disney. Seems like all the “Good” chicks in their movies are hotties and the “Bad” chicks are fat! Just because I may be overweight doesn’t mean I’m not sexy! OK, got a little carried away.
>Any chica who can hold up a bra made of SEASHELLS has got a little ho in her. Plus, she’s only like 16, which makes her jail-bait and not really of marriageable age.What are these Disney poeple telling us, anyhow?
>NEVER trust a woman with fins. Never.
>Way too funny …I knew that little Ariel bitch was up to something !! Have Baby watch Wizzard of Oz where the women are clearly defined in wholesome, good and evil lol
>My daughter loves the Littlest Mermaid. Now that I know Ariel is a ho, I may make the tape do a disappearing act… LOL!
>As if Barbie didn’t provide enough of a body image complex, these cartoon wenches have to be perfect as well.
>I am glad to see that I’m not alone in my newfound distaste for Ariel. Ruth Dynamite, you are HILARIOUS!
>Oh my. And to think I used to think that face was INNOCENT. Psssh! You did the right thing, that hussy. Now, I’m going to go home and fast forward to the “happy” priest marrying them. Woo hoo!
>You should still remember the great compliments from years back. Hey Ariel is one hot Disney chick! Who could blame a man? But you know they would get tired of swimming all the time. I mean the remote can’t work under water, they’re basketball players suck, no golf! He’d come back!(too funny)
>It is still, to this day, very difficult to say the words “Disney Movies” without dying laughing. Back in college, in the dorms, we all had this friend that would tell us he was going back to his room to watch “Disney Movies.” All the guys knew he was going back to watch porn, but all of us girls thought he was going back to watch freaking disney movies! He even kept them in Disney movies sleeves!! It was only after one of my friends went to his room to borrow Aladdin that we found out what was REALLY in those VHS boxes. IT was most certainly NOT a family film.
>Dude … Lucinda. I think you and I are married to the same man. If the Mermaid is on here (and that isn’t much … because I know what thoughts it incites), he will RUN to the TV when he knows she is getting ready to come up on that rock and have that wave come crashing in behind her, looking all porn star-ish. Disney is a bad, bad company.
>You know, that little bitch made a move on Shrek in Shrek II. So you are totally right. She’s a whore.Besides, isn’t Eric like 21 and she’s 16?? Rob the cradle much there Prince Eric???
>That skank!! I’m so glad you put a stop to their torrid affair.
>gosh, ya’ll…poor ariel! how many mermaids make it to the shore anyway??? (just don’t think about daryl hannah in splash, ‘kay?) don’t beat her down!! how would you feel with king triton as a dad, making you perform all those song and dance numbers? i can see why she was a fish out of water…now, lucinda, i am totally not in favor of her saving your husband and falling in love with him. i just think baby got a little confused. :):)
>Ariel isn’t as nice as she appears to be, it’s all an act. That fork thing, yeah…that’s an act too. She knows what a fork is….