I'm Lindsay Ferrier, a Nashville writer with a passion for family travel, exploring Tennessee, and raising kids without losing my mind in the process. This is where I share my discoveries, along with occasional deep thoughts, pop culture tangents and a sprinkling of snark. Want to get in touch? Use the CONTACT form at the top of the page.
October 10, 2018
A few years ago, I started noticing the word YETI everywhere I turned — plastered on the back windows of newer-model SUVs, printed across the chests of present, past, and future frat boys, and boldly emblazoned on the insulated coffee mugs of Hunter boot-wearing soccer moms. As far as I could tell, the YETI logo was meant to convey both wealth… and wilderness. Money… and mud. Dollah dollah bills… and Duck Dynasty. You get the picture.
My suspicions were confirmed when I came across an entire display of YETI gear inside an overpriced boutique designed to appeal to the kind of man who thinks suspenders bearing needlepointed Georgia Bulldogs are a great idea. I picked up a YETI bottle opener from a basket and turned it over. Fifty bucks. For this.
Beneath the faux-distressed table laden with YETI t-shirts and tumblers and $50 bottle openers were plastic YETI coolers. I picked up the smallest one, which could hold a mere 16 cans of Schlitz, and looked at the tag. “Two hundred dollars? For a beer cooler?!” I sputtered. I opened the cooler’s lid, wondering if it was autographed by Peyton Manning or something. Nope. It was just a plain old plastic cooler. A plain old plastic coolor with the word YETI printed on it, that is.
I was sure at that time that this weird YETI trend couldn’t last — Its college-educated demographic would have to eventually wise up and realize putting a logo on a cooler shouldn’t increase the price of the thing by 400%. I mean, Dave Ramsey would definitely not approve, right? Unfortunately, though, the problem only seems to be getting worse. It has become a YETI nation down here, y’all, which means it’s time for me to conduct a full-on invYEsTIgation.
A quick look at YETI‘s website clued me in on their preferred customer. Bald. White. Middle-aged. Dissatisfied. The kind of guy who at this very moment is probably thinking, “Did I REALLY just spend $40 on a bucket?! ”
Sir, you did. And if you lived in my house, we’d have ourselves a problem.
Not only has YETI won over the nation’s well-to-do good ole boys, it’s doing some serious damage among their womanfolk by offering YETI-stamped wine tumblers. Yes, for just $24.99, Karen can now have her very own YETI wine tumbler, allowing her to keep her Chardonnay perfectly chilled at football tailgates and subdivision soirees. And I know what some of you are thinking right now: “$24.99 for a wine tumbler with a lid on it? Count me in!”
Unfortunately, that lid will set you back an extra $9.99. I mean, you didn’t think you were going to pay just $24.99 for a YETI wine tumbler AND a YETI lid, did you? Bless your heart. Don’t be cheap and tacky.
If you’re going to buy a
$24.99 $34.98 wine tumbler, you might as well add the $50 YETI dog bowl to your cart, too. Because Houston Mutt or Boss Dawgg or whatever y’all call him deserves the very best, especially if the very best has a big old YETI logo on it that anyone who walks by can plainly see!
Plus, you really can’t sit around day drinking (otherwise known as ‘the YETI way’), without a YETI folding chair. It’ll set you back another $300, because apparently YETI folding chairs are made out of narwhal horns and kryptonite.
Oh, Lindsay, some of you are saying right now. I want people to think I’m a mountaineering millionaire! A tailgater tycoon! A flush fisherman! A loaded lumbersexual! But I can’t buy a YETI AND pay my mortgage! WHAT TO DO?!!
Don’t worry, friend! YETI has anticipated your concerns and offers payment plans for many of its most popular items.
That means this fabulous (albeit small) YETI Hopper Flip can be yours for just $22 per month for 12 months! YES. IT’S TRUE.
Although $300 seems like a lot to spend on a beer bag, if you think of them as redneck Louis Vuittons, I guess these guys are actually getting off pretty easy…
I have finished my little research project no closer to solving the YETI mystery than I was when I started this odyssey 30 minutes ago. Like the snowman by the same name, I find the whole YETI craze to be, well, abominable. But hey. To each his own. To every bumbler — his marked up tumbler. For every drooler, an overpriced cooler.
I’m just going to stop now before this really gets out of hand.
All images via YETI. Obviously.