First Person to Develop This Idea Will Make Millions! Probably.
Not too many month-old infants can be seen out on the town. New moms will tell you they’re keeping their newborns at home because they don’t want to expose them to germs or pollutants or strangers with open sores all over their bodies who ask to hold them (which is, no lie, exactly what happened the first time I took Punky out in public).
But there’s an even more compelling reason to keep our tiny Butterbeans shielded from the public eye, a reason I might not even be confessing now if my 16-year-old hadn’t already blabbed our carefully guarded family secret to the world.
“You told someone?!” I screeched after she came home and admitted what she’d done.
“What was I supposed to do?!” she cried. “Everywhere I go at school, it’s, ‘How’s Bruiser?’ ‘How’s Bruiser?’ ‘How’s Bruiser?’ And I say the same thing over and over and over again. ‘He’s fine.’ ‘He’s fine!’ ‘He’s fine!’ I needed something new.”
“And that something had to be ‘He has acne‘?!” I said accusingly.
She shrugged apologetically. “I only said it to Rhonda,” she said.
“What did she say?”
“She kind of gasped and stared at me. And then she said, ‘Oh.”
And so, readers, if Rhonda knows, I guess you might as well all know: My baby is a pizza face.
I’m not kidding. Right now, Bruiser is as pimply as any pre-Proactiv teen that ever graced the halls of a high school. Unlike his sister’s infant breakout which covered her entire face like a rash, Bruiser’s zits follow a hormonal trail that begins at his right eye and zigzags its way down to his chin. Until it goes away, his is a face only a mother (and a two-year-old sister) could love, which is precisely why you haven’t been seeing us at the Kroger and the Starbucks and the neighborhood playground.
Well, that and the fact that he’s nursing so often, I can’t seem to put him down for more than 15 minutes at a stretch. In fact, if you’re wondering how I’m maintaining this blog and raising four kids at the same time, rest assured that I’m only writing when Bruiser’s eating. Draw your own conclusions.
Back to my point. Don’t manufacturers realize that there’s a market just waiting to be exploited here, a market composed entirely of pimple-faced babies and the mommies who love them? I can hear the commercials now…
Don’t let your baby be the one the others avoid at Gymboree! Treat him with Zit Go Bye Bye, specially formulated for sensitive infant skin! Guaranteed to rid your newborn of acne five times faster than the leading brand!
After Zit Go Bye Bye! (Artistic Interpretation)
Baby zit cream. You’re welcome.
>Prenatal education system?! GAH! For ONLY $150 (plus whatever for the accessories). I think I’ve officially seen it all now… Why the hell didn’t I think of that!? Oh yeah,… cuz I’m not a scam artist!!Bruiser’s a beauty, zits and all. Can you imagine putting anything on his precious baby skin? Lil punkin.
>all three of my boys had baby zits, rest assure it eventually goes away.plus most moms will see it and remember their baby had it too, and not run screaming in the opposite direction!
>Both of my children had it and my grandmother in-law (is that even a real title…I don’t know, but anyway) recommended when my oldest daughter who is now 10 came down with a terrible cause of baby acne, that we use Eucerin Cream. It’s vital that it be the super thick cream that comes like in a jar not a tube. I’m not sure why (at the time I never questioned it I just praised it) but I put it on them and within a day it disappeared off both my daughters who have totally different skin types! They both had it everywhere…it was terrible. I can totally understand your woes, it’s terrible seeing it! Give it a try and see if it works for you…I’m a believer.
>You can always try coconut oil. You think Bruiser is bad? My friend’s daughter was…er…to put it delicately…BUTT ugly with all the acne she had everywhere. She used coconut oil (also good for other things, but what, I don’t know off the top of my head, lol) for one day…cleared that baby up. She’s a beautiful baby now!
>OMG, I bought one of those Prenatal Education Systems and played it during my full pregnancy with the twins. They are brilliant because of it and are skipping preschool and heading right to Kindergarten and they’re not quite 4. Only kidding. Loved the post though, totally funny!
>I first learned about these things when my friend’s baby first developed acne, and then proceded to flake. Who knew that babies did this?!?!? It was educational to say the least.
>The best part of the prenatal learning system is the testimonial page- These babies were all ALERT when they were born! One nursed for 30 MINUTES right after he was born! They had BIG VOCABULARIES by 28 months!News flash ladies- None of this stuff is unusual. You’ve been had.I actually got an e-mail about this product today. 🙂 Somehow, I don’t think this is what they had in mind.
>Both Clive and Her Majesty had intermittently blocked tear ducts at birth, so they often looked like they had a raging case of conjunctivitis with all the goo in their eye. It also led to a lot of acne around the eyes – joy!
>Nate had baby acne until he was 2. Seriously. Makes me fear for his teen years.
>This reminds me: How’s Bruiser?(P.S. Go cheer up Ms. Petroville. She’s having a downer.)
>I think my youngest got a lot of prenatal education from me watching shows like Sex in the City while I was pregnant with her. Now I have SEEN IT ALL! Yikes. Parents, we are such suckers sometimes.
>Hydrocortisone (sp?) You know, butt itch cream? It worked on my pimply baby boy. My OB told me she used it on her son, but I think they have to be 3 months before you can use it. (I had a new tube from the hospital.) One day later, he was Baby Beautiful. It works like magic, but please ask your doctor before taking my advice. I could only use just a tiny little bit at a time.
>(I used it before he was three months old. What can I say? He was going to be baptized and there is no way I could take him up in front of the church looking the way he did.)
>My friend’s baby had that, too. I think it is really commmon. I’m a believer in reading to babies during pregnancy, but I didn’t expect anything more than a calmer belly.You’re a talented woman, Mrs. Ferrier. Typing all these posts one handed? I feel so appreciated now.
>Even with the baby acne, he’s still a cutie-pie!
>he’s just perfect mama!
>It’s not that bad! Honest! I’ve seen babies with much worse skin issues. Surprisingly our son didn’t have the acne (if you had looked at my face, you’d have thought he was adopted!). But he had cradle cap pretty bad. I finally found some over-the-counter stuff that worked wonders!! Maybe your little once can be the spokesperson for this new Baby Pro-Activ product…kind of like Jessica Simpson!
>Ahhh yes…baby pimples. My babies got the acne just as the hair on the top of their heads fell out. They each spent about two weeks looking butt ugly.
>Well I think he’s adorable – zits and all!
>i let my kids listen to blasting rock music in the car when I was pregnant.(um, I guess that explains a lot…) As for the acne – my son had it, my daughter did not. It’s so common, really! just keep the skin clean and it eventually clears up :o)
>Thank gawd, someone is finally putting this out there. My son had it at around the same time and I was horrified. Why do moms withhold this kind of info from pregnant or just delivered friends? It’s like the hemmoroids…no one ever tells you about the roids.Fortunately, zitsville passes quickly, or it did with my son. So, just lay low and count them each day until the numbers dwindle. And, by the way, he’s cute even with the poppers…
>Two of the finest and most beautiful boys ever (my now age 18 and 20 y/o sons) had record breaking baby acne, and we dubbed them pizza faces as well! Seems that boys get it more acutely than girls. Must be their testosterone mixing with maternal hormones. It’ll be gone before you know it. I wouldn’t put anything on it other than mild baby soap and water. Your boy is utterly adorable.
>Baby zits…..Grace had them too. But Bruiser is adorable regardless! And if random guy in the street doesnt see that, well who needs him anyways! Your family is gorgeous!
>The mild baby soap should help you out. Little guy is just as cute as a button!
>He’s gorgeous, baby zits or no. And at least baby zits go away, sooner rather than later. My little ones both had massive cases of cradle cap for the first 13 months of their lives. Imagine all the unsolicited assvice I got about that!
>I took the digital image of my daughter, enlarged it, and retouched her face. I then printed out 100 copies and sent it out as her birth announcement. Everyone thought she looked like a porcelain doll! No one new the difference, but me! Hehehe. I love digital photography.
>My son had a perfect, circular cluster of about 50 whiteheads right on the end of his nose, till he was almost 2 months old. it was gross, and I wanted so badly to squeeze them. I picked at them a couple times. Gently! Bad mommy.
>My son had it really really bad around his chin especially when he started drooling a lot. They looked so painful… 🙁
>god bless your blog to get me in touch again with the greatness of assvice again.he is a darling and SHUT UP. my little guy is nine months next week and I would give anything for those early weeks back — er except having another child I suppose. how far is the Starbucks really. Go outside.ps… that learning system is fucking amazing(ly stoopid)
>My Baby was BORN with a pimply rash! And all the nurses were like, “Ooohh, he’s so cute!” and I was all, “C’mon, he’s my third child. I KNOW he’s not cute. I’m not blind.”
>my baby boy POD (prince of Darkness) had baby acne and the one thing that cleared is up was my brestmilk. I just squirted it on his face and cleared up in no time. Also great for sticky eyes.
>mine too… 25 days old and covered in acne… if i take pictures of her now they can be used for blackmail when boyfriends come.. and yeah.. i am also at that stage where i tell ppl , come on.. this is my second child and i know she looks like a bowl of porridge.
>My son not only had the acne but bad cradle cap. It was really gross. My doctor told me to use Hydrocortisone. We got the cheap Walgreen’s brand. I have pictures and in 3 days he had the clearest skin. He was about 1 and half months at the time, but I would ask your Pediatrician first.
>I’m going through this right now with my 5 week old baby girl!I have a ten year old who didn’t have it but my newborn’s face is covered with these red bumps!! She had such beautiful skin when she was born…you would have thought I had a c-section-lol! I can’t wait until these “things” go away! I do feel so vain!!! 🙁