>Teenagers and Easter just don’t mix. In our family, we hide a small present in each room for each of the girls to find and put in their Easter baskets. Traditionally, the girls have woken us at the crack of dawn, ready to search for their presents. This year was different. Way different. Hubs and […]

>To the person who came here this morning searching for Easter Bunny boobs… Seriously. Get a friggin’ life.

>This morning, I watched my 13-year-old stepdaughter’s soccer team play a game against some particularly tough opponents. All of our players have developed pretty advanced technical skills over the years, save for one who does little more than chase after the ball and halfheartedly attempt to kick it. The other team quickly pinpointed our weak […]

>Last night, Hubs and I took Baby, my 15-year-old stepdaughter, and two of 15’s friends to a local shopping mall. Who knew a mall on a weeknight is the perfect entertainment venue for a two-year-old? Anyway, here are my deep observations…. The Stores Wet Seal? Why would a teen clothing store be named Wet Seal? […]

>Lately, I’ve been checking out children’s books from the library on potty training. Baby and I read together about little Maria or little Jane or little Arthelle, all of whom manage to go from diapers to underwear in the space of about five minutes. Baby and I would talk about the books afterward and within […]

>Baby has been in a play group since she was about four months old. And in its first incarnation (before I took over, thus forcing the bitches to drop out), longtime readers (all three of you) will remember that some of the moms really didn’t like me very much. At the time, I couldn’t figure […]

>I was at a consignment sale last week at the local Crappy Private School when I overheard a conversation between one of the volunteer moms and her preteen daughter. “Mama, I tried on my new gym shorts and they don’t fit right.” “Well, what size are they?” “Small.” “You need mediums. Go on back to […]

>Despite the running theme I have going in this post and the last one, I swear I’m not getting paranoid. But I really think that toy manufacturers are out to get us. For my daughter’s second birthday, I bought her a bathtime Dora doll. Baby is Dora-obsessed, so the moment she ripped off the wrapping […]

>As Julius Bassett hit “send” on his latest batch of e-mails, he sighed morosely. Why, oh why had he taken this job? Trying to convince stay-at-home-moms to visit a back alley porn website was like trying to catch a sea urchin on a street corner. Beside him, Amalia Hardin typed furiously on one of the […]

Acts of God can bring out the worst in anybody. At least, that’s what I try to keep in mind when I think of my 12-year-old stepdaugther’s principal shouting and chasing after me outside the school yesterday. Let me explain. Perhaps you heard about the severe weather that rolled through Tennessee yesterday. It was bad. […]